To think daughter is ungrateful/expects too much

[Pompom42]

Have a teenage daughter she's 13.
She currently shares a bedroom with her younger sister. The younger sister is 3 but isn't really sleeping in there atm she still sleeps in my room with me.
We have a 2 bed bungalow which is not tiny but not large either. But we are all on the one floor so I appreciate we do get in each other's way at times.
Just recently she keeps saying to me "wish I didn't have to share a room with my sister".
Whilst it isn't ideal as I said youngest isn't sleeping in there. It's a nice room and was all decorated and new beds etc 2 years ago.
Now she's started saying "this house is tiny, when can we move?"
"All my friends houses are bigger, this house is really really tiny compared to theres"
I've said to her tonight I can't afford anything else. We live in a naice area and at the time it was this house or nothing. We have a drive and a garden and it's in a pretty village.
For some reason it's made me feel really upset. AIBU in thinking she's spoilt? Or is this normal teenage behaviour?
What about years ago when you had families of 6 children all living in a 3 bed house.
What can I say to her?

the thing is though that you're going to have to do something imminently - a 13 year old sharing with a 3 year old (that is barely in there anyway) is a necessary evil, but in a year or less it will be a 4 year old that wants to properly be in her own bedroom, with a 14 year old. Then a 5 year old in with the 15 year old. The older one needing to properly study for GSCEs whilst a little one whines and wants attention and isn't even potty trained or doesn't even sleep through the night maybe, in the same room. It's not sustainable even if it's just about OK now - what's your long term plan?

Why is it not sustainable. My dh shared with a brother 14 years younger than him until he left home after university. He went through all those phases and it was fine. They are very close. His brother a year younger than him shared with the other young sibling until he left home after university. He went through all those phases and it was fine. They were very upper middle class, spent the summer in a european second home (where all the siblings shared one room), private education etc. never occured to any of them to demand the parents spend their money to move house so they could have separate bedrooms.

If this is the reality of the OP's life, then that is it. She doesn't need to sleep in the coal cellar so her daughters can have separate rooms and neither does it need to be a catastrophe. She can take some of the excellent suggestions about room dividers etc on board and the 13 - and 3 - year old will just have to do what so many of us have to do in life. Put up with what we can afford.

How many 5 year olds do you know that aren't potty trained?

I think the poster was referring to night time, lots of 5 year olds aren't dry at night and changing bedding etc would likely wake the eldest.

OK, I have the same situation myself, and also I was the child of parents with the same situation. You can't over-estimate how important it is for your teen to have her own room, and it goes over and above the need for you to have yours. Sofa bed in the living room for you, and a bedroom for each child. Been there, doing that. Also been there, and had it done for me.

I think you need a longer-term plan really as surely you don't want to share a single room with your younger daughter forever? It can't be great at the moment! And then it will be a case of an older teenager properly sharing with a very young child, which isn't really ideal given she will be going to bed much earlier, etc. What's your plan for the next couple of years?

13 yr olds think the universe revolves around them. I think you are judging her harshly, you are expecting her to empathise with your situation and yet you don’t seem able to put yourself in her shoes.
Personal space is such a big deal at that age, to her the fact she doesn’t have a room to call her own is completely connected to the size of the house. She sounds like most other 13 year olds.
I feel sorry for her to be honest, it might not be possible for you to do anything about the current bedroom situation but to think she is spoilt is harsh IMO.

Icerebel she's dry at night so I'm lucky. The dog sleeps in with us too

We also have nice holidays we went to Spain and Butlins and a short break at a theme park and hotel and a Haven caravan holiday this year
Simple. She can decide to forgo these holidays, meals out, cinema trips etc and she can have her own room.

I haven’t read all, but has anyone suggested extending the house? Cheaper than moving.

If it’s a large double I’m sure there are ways to divide the room , even to make 2 very small rooms.

Is there any reason why you live in a bungalow? Around here you could get a three bedroom house for the cost of a two bedroom bungalow.

Your daughter has had to go through a lot in the last few years, a new sibling, moving to a smaller home, your relationship breakdown.
A bit of moaning about her home situation doesn't seem like a big deal, especially when it is true.

You're very lucky that a 3 year old is dry at night, but even so, if she's sharing with the eldest in the future and is ill in the night, needs a wee, has a bad dream it's the eldest who she is likely to wake, which for a 14 or 15 year old in the middle of exams is going to be very annoying.

Thanks for everyone's help, don't have any long term plan atm just seeing how it goes. To me I don't feel as if we are on top of each other but maybe we are.
Not sure about the divider as they have one of those bespoke bunk beds with the hidden storage in it, you know all the drawers that are hidden in the stairs etc.
My eldest chose it and it was made to fit the room.
We could forgo the holidays but I like to make memories with them. Family member had a really horrific accident which made me realise how short life really is.

I agree with offering her the single room to herself and you share the double room with 3 year old. She probably won’t like it if she likes having regular sleepovers with her friends, but then at least it’s her choice and she can’t complain. Sounds like she’s got a good deal as it is, if you’re sharing a single room with 3 year old at the moment anyway.

until she's 18ish and moves out

Not neccesarily .

We have 3 bedrooms, room 3 is a boxroom.
DH and I have main bedroom, DD has back bedroom, DS has the front room downstairs (we use the back room as the family room)

He's at University and we have no plans for moving him out. ,

@ilikebigboots uncalled for. Just because they have to share a ro currently it doesn’t mean the op doesn’t support her kids. Don’t be so silly.

Entire families used to live in one room in this country, and still does in other parts of the world.

It does sound like the op could look into a loft conversion or diving the large room though.

When we bought our house it had been a student rental and the master bedroom had been split into two small bedrooms with a narrow corridor so each room had its own door. Just stud pine and plasterboard. Knocked it back down in a few hours.

Ilikebigbots I wasn't living here when I had the baby.
I was in a 3 bed house.
I did think it all through trust me.
Things happen and I had to downsize.
Eldest asked repeatedly for years for a sibling.
Rude and unhelpful

jay55 who said anything about a relationship breakdown??
You're making stuff up to suit you

You can make memories without going on expensive holidays.

You could move areas I bet and find something bigger.

You could have a loft conversion.... plenty of options.

IlikebigbotsandIcannotlie

If you're going to be so judgemental then you should RTFT. OP was in a relationship and lived in a 3 bed when she was pregnant.

maybe a garden shed about £200 from B&Q not big but big enough to paint personalise and have some beanbags in and be a bit of a den for teen to escape to or have her mates over

I imagine OP doesn't have 20-30000 for loft conversion or extension

jay55 who said anything about a relationship breakdown??
You're making stuff up to suit you

To be fair to Jay you haven't mentioned a partner, and have said you needed to downsize, it's easy to infer from that a relationship breakdown.

OP, 2 then 3 of my children used to share a room. When it was 2 sharing I put a bunk bed in the middle and the boys had half the room each either side of the bunk. When it was 3 I bought a high sleeper with desks, drawers and wardrobe built in so in effect that the eldest had his room in one corner of the room. The eldest felt the effects of the squash the most but with explanation understood. Eventually I got to the position where we could afford to have a bigger home. But I would just say the obvious to your dd: that one cannot have it all. She has got a loving family in a house within a nice area. Richer friends may have a large home but be lacking elsewhere. It is good that your dd is voicing her dissatisfaction as long as it's politely - if not polite, no doubt she will learn to appreciate what she has eventually.

One of my children used to moan all the time about our 'small' house. Yes, the small house with four bedrooms in it! Children, especially early teens, can be quite ungrateful and envious of their friends with bigger better houses, more holidays, do more activities, have puppies and so on. You can't get fussed about this stuff.

That said, I'd discuss the option of you and your youngest sharing the big room for a few years.

IceRebel there was no relationship breakdown