To think daughter is ungrateful/expects too much

[Pompom42]

Have a teenage daughter she's 13.
She currently shares a bedroom with her younger sister. The younger sister is 3 but isn't really sleeping in there atm she still sleeps in my room with me.
We have a 2 bed bungalow which is not tiny but not large either. But we are all on the one floor so I appreciate we do get in each other's way at times.
Just recently she keeps saying to me "wish I didn't have to share a room with my sister".
Whilst it isn't ideal as I said youngest isn't sleeping in there. It's a nice room and was all decorated and new beds etc 2 years ago.
Now she's started saying "this house is tiny, when can we move?"
"All my friends houses are bigger, this house is really really tiny compared to theres"
I've said to her tonight I can't afford anything else. We live in a naice area and at the time it was this house or nothing. We have a drive and a garden and it's in a pretty village.
For some reason it's made me feel really upset. AIBU in thinking she's spoilt? Or is this normal teenage behaviour?
What about years ago when you had families of 6 children all living in a 3 bed house.
What can I say to her?

Poppylizzyrose I don’t get why people do post when they haven’t read threads...😂 you know what you’ll say has been said about 100 times unless it’s an outrageous suggestion.

Because I DONT HAVE TIME. Clearly you do. I can post what I like as long as it's within the rules. You don't like it, that's your issue.

Poppylizzyrose I’m with you.

Whisky2014 obviously there is no rule to stop you posting, but perhaps you could explain the difference between wasting your time reading the thread and wasting your time posting something which common sense must tell you (if the thread is 31 pages long) has already been posted numerous times .

@nomoreusernamesfree I think the elder/younger thing is peer influence as much as friends. I never asked for things because I'd seen my elder sister wind my mum up with it and realised I got more for not asking her

Thank you mrsfez

The op has had to answer the same things over and over again and that’s just why this thread is 31 pages long. Maybe if more people read the thread before posting I wouldn’t have to waste more of my time reading it all 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

As I’m on Mat leave now though I don’t mind

So after how many replies must people stop answering? Not everybody has time to sit and read 32 pages!! Thought that was the point of a forum.

You can skip quite quickly through the pages and the OP replies will be in a different colour, so you can get a good idea from them of the current state of play and what has been answered and what hasn't, then read the last couple of pages and you are up to speed and know if it is worth posting x

Surely you’d realise Booie09 that after 32 pages someone had probably already made your suggestion, even if you haven’t got time to read all the replies? It was hardly ground breaking.

If the youngest sleeps with you then let your 13 year old have the single room and you move into the double with the youngest. The eldest DD will be moving on/out in 5 years time and your youngest will still only be 8 so young enough to share with mum for a few years.

Only another 160 odd posts to go pompom and then you'll be done with the same repeat posts

My dd is nearly 16 now and I think the 12-14/15 years can be tricky (I've clearly blanked my own teen angst from memory - much like childbirth). In many ways I think I almost had to revert to toddler thinking when parenting during early teens.

So for example, my dd would go through periods during her early teens when she was constantly hungry and consequently hangry. But it took me a while to connect her bad moods with need for food.

Similarly, they are in an in-between world - not children, but not proper teenagers - so they may find the "young/teen girls" clothes in some shops too "young" but don't yet fit into the adult ranges in Top Shop etc.

They are pushing for freedoms but at the same time are actually wanting boundaries to be reinforced so they have security.

And don't get me started on the nature of girls friendships during this period and the comical (in hindsight) nature of her frustrated attempts to leave home and walk to her friends house when she was grounded.

I don't say all of this to give you a parenting lesson, but just that as I was caught in the eye of the early teen storm I often forgot the whirlwind that was constantly enveloping her and I'd end up fighting ridiculous battles when I would have been much better served stepping back and guiding her out of the storm.

If it is any consolation, at nearly 16 we seem to be more or less out of the whirlwind. So as you already know this isn't about a bed or a bedroom really, it could have been about dying her hair green or staying out till 1am on Wednesday night because "Donna is always allowed to do that.."

I would also agree with a poster up thread that teenagers today are really living in a different world with pressures coming in a way unimaginable when I was young. For all the benefits there are to being a teenager in 2018 Britain (or elsewhere) am not sure I would swap places with my DD.

(sorry for the essay!)

Booie09, well I always thought the point of a forum was to read ALL the posts and then add your comment unless, of course, your point has already been made 30 times

This is where Mumsnet not having 'likes' shows as a disadvantage.

If there were likes, people could just press like to show that they agree with a particular comment. And we wouldn't have threads 1000 posts long where basically 80% of the posts say the same 4 comments:

'you and 3 YO share the big bedroom and put teen DD in the smaller one'

'teens need privacy, her life is ruined and it's a matter for the NSPCC if some of her sisters clothes are in her wardrobe'

'you just need to move, extend or convert the loft, and put a log cabin cum stable in the garden so you can buy her a pony to make up for your selfishness'

'sleep in the lounge and give your DD the big room to herself'

People who join a ridiculously long thread without bothering to read it or even just read the OP posts. Only shows them to massive egos and a very high opinion of themselves.

They are so eager to to put there opinion across, because they are so obviously SOooo important they just have to be heard. They don't care if someone else has already said it or a million people have said, they NEED to say it. it doesn't matter if the OP has posted answers or updates throughout, the OP is unimportant, the only important person is the them. I mean the OP could have updated from hospital after a freak accident that landed there dc in hospital for the night, but no that is not important, because a random MUST have their say............

Have you thought about giving your 13 year old the single room and you sharing with the three year old as I assume she is already with you most nights anyway from what you say.

This would give your 13yr old privacy esp as some people rightly point out she will need it esp when it comes to exams etc in a couple of years. It’s onl 5 years you would realistically be sharing with her for and she would only be 8. Also it wouldn’t seem super odd as long as you both had separate beds.

Thinking practically then if she moves out at 18 you can give your younger daughter the single bedroom.

lol

Is there a ‘banging your head against a brick wall’ emoticon?

😩 or 🤦

OnlyLittleMissOrganised

Is this a wind up?
The answer in short is No. I've offered eldest single bedroom but as it's right at the front of the house she said no as it's a security thing.
I'm already sharing with youngest. Can't put a time limit on it, not bothered about single beds as I'm her mother so to me it's isn't weird anyway.

nameforthethread

So funny

Soydora

🤣

BarbaraofSeville

So funny. The 4 options. Especially the clothes in the wardrobe bit.

myrtleWilson

Yes I know exactly what you're saying, they are not children but not adults either.
My teenager suffers with constipation a little bit too so I think when she hasn't been toilet for ages it makes her grumpy I suppose as we would be and she moans about everything.
She's in the girl guides still and is meant to leave next July as she'll be almost 14 and she does enjoy it but at the same time she's too old for it.
She sighed up to do Baden Powell challenge and then came home tonight saying she's not sure whether to do it as tonight they spoke to her like she was at school! lol
But is pleased to have been chosen to hold the giant flag on rememberance Sunday.
Then saying she might leave at Christmas. Sometimes I don't know where I'm at.
And she wants a hot tub for Xmas 🤦‍♂️

nameforthethread

You've hit the nail on the head right there

poppylizzyrose

When is the baby arriving?

Would your DD feel more secure in the front bedroom if you planted a really prickly plant below the window like pyracantha? I do think your best bet is to have your older DD in the front bedroom and you and your younger DD in the bunk beds, as long as you could be comfortable in the bottom bunk.

I have a 9 and 11 year age gap between youngest DC and 2 eldest and life was definitely better for the elder Dd's having their own space as teenagers. All you can do is give her the choice between sharing the larger room with younger DD or having the smaller room to herself, so security at front of the house is worth looking at to help with her concern with the smaller room.

She is 13 and wants some privacy. While you may not be able to get a bigger place with another room for her it’s unkind to not recognise her need for space as she is growing from being a child and calling her ‘spoilt’z