To ask if you believe children need a mother and a father?

[continuallychargingmyphone]

I’ve seen this view expressed several times on another thread and wondered about it.

I know many single parents who are doing a better job than couples for one thing and also does this mean that people are against gay people having children?

Just wondering.

Why the biscuit?

Which other thread?

Doesn't matter what I believe, I'm a widow, I can't resurrect my son's dad

Ideally I think a child should have a mother and a father. When a child has a great mum and a great dad then they’re in the best position. This doesn’t mean that a single parent can’t do a fantastic job of course.

I personally struggle with gay people having biological children as I don’t like the idea of egg/ sperm donation or surrogacy. I don’t think their sexuality would impact their ability to parent of course, but I feel more comfortable with adoption.

It’s on relationships, but it isn’t a TAAT. I was just surprised to see a number of people express the view that a child needs a mother and father.

I think children need the consistent, unconditional love of at least one person-be it Mother, Father, Auntie, Grandparent, Carer etc. As long as they have that one person who puts them above everything and fulfils the ‘parent’ role, all else is a bonus.

You know what children need? A safe, loving, warm home where they are nurtured. It doesn’t really matter who provides that, whether it’s a single mum, a single dad, two parents of the same sex or opposite sexes. It really does not matter any further than that.

Not necessarily. I knew a family where the parents separated from birth and the biological father was a selfish man child who continues to cause his daughter problems which mum has to manage. They would probably have been better off if he had walked away

Actually, I can't make a sweeping statement. Many, many families do an excellent job of raising their children and I wouldn't judge anybody but when I was thinking about having a child I felt quite strongly that I wanted my child to have a good relationship with both mother and father. I'm gay, I chose a coparenting relationship rather than sperm donation for this reason.

Does your child effectively have three parents then princess?

I think as long as a child has a safe, loving home, it doesn’t matter who the parent/s are.

I believe children need a secure home, with the unconditional love of 1 (ideally 2) parental figures. I say ideally 2, as it shares the load for those 2 parents. The parental figures don't have to be related to the child, and it doesn't matter what their sex is. All that matters is the unconditional love and security for the child.
Children then need to be surrounded by role models as "support staff" for the child.

That's just what I believe though.

Yes I do, assuming no one is abusive etc.

In a perfect world children have two parents, not just for their sake but because parenting isn't easy and it helps to have a second person to share the load. That said whether that second person (or even the first) is a blood relation is not the point, it's the love, time, guidance etc that matters. Things happen though and plenty manage alone for a multitude of reasons - however I do think it's essential that those choosing or forced into solo parenting (with no access to other parent) do need to ensure contingency is available if something happens to them eg I'm guardian to a friends children whose father died just in case.

Very difficult to conceive without both.

Many single parents do a good job. Many have a hard time doing so.
That said, statistically, children do far better with two, married (or long term coupled) parents. Children who see multiple parent figures come and go, siblings with multiple fathers, children of very young mothers, children living in poverty (which is often the case with single parenthood) don’t do as well as children from richer, stable homes with male and female role models.

It’s not a popular view though.

Wherever possible a child needs 2 loving parents. Whether that’s in separate homes or together. They also however need consistency and reliability. They need to feel secure and be safe. So yes If both parents can provide that together or separate then a child benefits from both.

I however know this doesn’t happen in reality. I also think it’s important to know who you came from.

Children need love and security.

I think of parenting as a relationship as much as a role. If either parent is unable to fulfill that role and maintain that relationship in a healthy balanced way then that said parent should have limited if not contact at all.
We’d get rid of friends if they weren’t maintaining a positive relationship for ourselves. Bad parents will have a far greater negative impact on a child being around than is likely if they are not around.
But more than that, is how the parent with the children copes and parents them.
Stand up for the children. As adults we should by now know the difference between right and wrong.
Some poor dc have lost a parent due to dying. I still think with a strong parent remaining, the dc will thrive.
As for gay couples. I see no reason st all why they shouldn’t be excellent parents. It really depends on the individuals. The only thing I would worry about is the child getting picked on at school because of it. But nowadays, it is becoming more common.
Arseholes shouldn’t be parents. That should be the only rule.

I think children need love and safety. I don't think it matters what the parenting make-up is.

On the same sex couples thing. My BIL was mostly raised by his mum and her now wife after his parents divorced. One of the kindest and most well-advised people I know.

Very difficult to conceive without both.

Thank you Cherry, that's what I came on to say

Father's role can effectively end at conception, mother's role is eked out til birth. After that it doesn't matter IMO as long as the child has at least one loving carer regularly present in their life.

It would have been better for my kids if their dad hasn't died yes

Ideally a child should grownup in a loving yet boundary driven home so they know both love and behaviours and can learn to be the best grown up possible

I think parents and grown ups need each other to do this, whether that's in the same home or within a defined family arena which is consistent and captures all the child's needs. I Think it must be hard for a single with no support but better for a single parent with sufficient support.

Essentially I don't think it's so much about the rigidity if a mum and dad so much as what's made available in a child and parents life to get through childhood/parent hood with dependents

I only had one parent, and she was amazing. I turned out great, in my opinion.

If a child can have a living and consistent mother and father then that is the ideal in my opinion and what's ultimately the best for the child. Having said that, it doesn't mean single parents cant do an amazing job and give the child a loving home with everything they need. I'm saying this as a single parent for 7 years

*loving