To ask if you believe children need a mother and a father?

[continuallychargingmyphone]

I’ve seen this view expressed several times on another thread and wondered about it.

I know many single parents who are doing a better job than couples for one thing and also does this mean that people are against gay people having children?

Just wondering.

No my children dont need their father who abandoned them and has seen his baby daughter 3 times (18 months old.) nope children dont “need” two parents.

Children need stability. That sometimes comes from two parents, sometimes one. What they don't need is arguments, tension, sulking, different people in and out of the picture etc. That's not to say single parents should stay single forever, but they should keep their relationship separate from their kids for a long time until they are sure about the person. And I mean a long time e.g. several months, possibly even a year. Consistency and stability are the key, however that looks in your family.

Tom Daley can't lie to his child can he because as little sprog gets a bit bigger he'll know he's got 2 Dads and there's nothing wrong with that, at least said sprog is wanted and loved

@selfidentifyinggiraffe I think that's something to drip feed. Our children are adopted and they recommend hard news is given before teenage years.

Children need a loving stable family environment. In most people's minds that means a mum and dad together and in love. But not necessarily. A happy family to grow up in is the most important thing, and a lot of the time that means that "mummy and daddy" no longer live together or love each other, but that is better for the child than two people suffering each other and having pure negativity in the family. People have more choices and understanding and freedom these days, whereas families HAD to stay together before, whether it was in everyone's best interests or not.

@cherrypavlova

That said, statistically, children do far better with two, married (or long term coupled) parents.

Please cite your sources for this (and not just mentions of it).

I've seen this trotted out repeatedly by political and religious groups. Every time I go to the source of the data it turns out to be small, highly selective samples or old data based on social/cultural values which are firmly rooted in WMC values and social patterns which no longer apply.

The people close to me who were raised by single mothers, have told me they feel a sense of loss related to their absent fathers. Single mothers often do an amazing job and to be honest there are many families where mum does everything regarding child raising even if dad is married and in the picture. BUT I have a few friends who are single mothers who have been shocked as their children reached adolsecence, the children started acting out in relation to the absent father. In one case the child physically attacked the stepfather and is now in therapy to deal with feelings of rage towards mother, stepfather, and half-sibling. Another family, similar case, around 12/13 child had a huge personality change tied up with feelings about the lack of father.

These feelings are normal - to want to know where you come from and wonder why other people have mum and dad and you don't. So this question is not really about whether single mums are good - of course they can be - but if the lack of two biological parents raising a child effects them negatively. From what I've seen it certainly does in some families.

I worry about that happening to mine in adolescence as their much loved dad/my dh died this year

@Aventurine so sorry for your loss.

Thanks brookshelley

I think it depends massively on the child and the circumstances.

My brother did need a male role model when my parents divorced and we didn't see dad. I however didn't need that. Maybe because of our different genders?

But because my mum was a loving and supportive single parent, she tried really hard to get that for my brother. And very luckily she lived close to her family and my uncle stepped up to support my brother. It really changed things for him. We were very lucky though that we had other family so close who were able to do that, not everyone is in that position though.

I think any loving and supportive parent would want to try to meet the needs of their child, be that a gender role model or anything else.