To not want to take almost 1YO twins to Xmas lunch in a pub

[Buildalegohouse]

DH and I have always alternated spending Xmas lunch with each of our sets of parents. This year we are due to spend it with his but MIL has decided she doesn't want to cook. That's fine, not a problem.

We have offered to host them (which we offer every year). no, she doesn't want to do that.

We have offered to go to my parents so they can go to the pub. No, she doesn't want to do that.

We have invited them to join us at my parents' house. Nope.

She wants to go to a pub and flat out refuses to accept any other suggestions.
I'm not against the notion of Xmas lunch in a pub, although I have never done it before, but the thought of taking my 4YO and twins (who will be 2 weeks from turning 1) fills me with dread.

We have tried taking them out for meals a number of times and it invariably ends up with DH and I trying to contain a wriggling, grumpy child each, eating with one hand or one of us missing the meal entirely to push DTs around the car park in the pram.

They will sit for a maximum of about 20 minutes in a high chair while they eat and then DH and I will have to spend 2 hours stopping them from trying to escape. At home they could toddle off and do their own thing.

WIBU to say no to this?

If not, please help me think of a suggestion MiL will agree to. She's generally lovely and does a lot for us and I don't want to upset her but I really don't want to do this.

@YearofYouRemember I’ve tried so many times. She’s such a strong character normally but seems to have a block when it come down to putting a stop to it.

Part of the problem is that her DH’s family are very old-fashioned Catholic - think along the lines of “women exist to make men happy” mentality and being a family of 4 sons my friend’s MIL just adores being the matriarch and literally waiting hand and foot on the men in the family. My friend has managed to train 99% of it out of her DH over the last few years but when it comes to Christmas he refuses to do it any other way. He said if they hosted Christmas at their house it would have to be EXACTLY the same as his mum/aunt does it - ie minimum 15 people, full-on Christmas banquet, etc. He honestly thinks it makes life easier by going to his family every year.

I keep telling her to come to mine for at least an hour or two as we live in the same village as her ILs!

Just say 'No, that doesn't work for us. So we will stay at home for Christmas and you are very welcome to come to us but need to let us know by Friday if you want to do that', and leave her to it. Don't discuss it any further.

You've missed a trick here OP. I'd have phoned the pub in advance, arranged a high chair either side of MIL and then sat as far away as you could . Her idea, let her entertain the children.

Lipstickhandbagcoffee.. You clearly havnt read the OP properly. The Mil will not shift despite all the options given and mum would find it very stressful and not in the least bit enjoyable with 4yo and 1yo twins. Some of us don't actually need the actual stress of travelling and eating out with young children. And why should she put herself out to please others? You clearly don't have this problem but there's no need to hit out at op over something you just don't get...she's stuck to her guns anyway and rightly so.

I have 11 month old twins who usually sit very happily in the high chair, and I still wouldn't consider doing this! If they are tired/teething/overwhelmed it would be very hard for you and not very festive. I would offer to meet somewhere before lunch (we often go to the park with the kids on Christmas morning) so you've seen the relatives, then do your own thing.

Good for you op stick to your guns

Just be careful - if MIL caves and says she will cook if you come to her after all, as a 'compromise' , be aware she might well suddenly spring it on you on Xmas morning- oh look, here we are at the pub!!!! Guess what?! We booked us in after all!
Stay At Yours, no matter what.
And just to make sure, you should make JUST her and FIL take the three DCs out for a long lunch All By Themselves, so they can see how much you and her son will enjoy Christmas day.

I have read the op and the update,fully.and can see op is happy with result

I would say you are well within your rights to refuse. My twins went through a horrible stage around that age which made eating out totally miserable. Glad to say we are over it now but at that age they just didnt sit still for long and hated the highchairs. Going to restaurants was just not fun for a while!

RTFTFFS

Goodness no. That's just going to be ridiculously stressful. Politely decline but explain honestly that it's too much with the little ones.
Definitely definitely don't do it.

Apologies.... never read though thread.

Doh!!!

Yay- well done op.

👍😊

I would tell them all your staying st home this year and from now on. If they want to come to yours that's fine. If not that's fine too.

This is what most do with young children. What we did when the adult children were small.

It's your Christmas too and with your children. She doesn't get to dictate. You won't please her unless you do as she wants.

Stop trying to keep the peace and bowing into what she wants

I agree with the others, I think it would be really stressful for you. Could you suggest that you host Christmas Day and invite her to join you and then go out for lunch on Boxing Day or one day between Christmas and New Year. Everyone will get to enjoy what they want to do that way. If she refuses to fit in then that’s her choice, you’ve given her more than enough alternatives! x

Just say no you won't make it to the pub because it won't be convenient due to the kids.... why would she even suggest that knowing you have little ones..

You need to get tough. We had same thing. Taking turns. Schlepping the baby stuff to each family. One year I just snapped and decided we will have Christmas at home and build our own traditions. Anyone who wants to join us is welcome but we aren’t leaving the house. I know you’ve set the president but I recall only
Too well how awful trying to entertain a toddler at a table is.

You can just as easily say no to suggestions as she can. Much easier for her to adapt than the four of you. YANBU

When my husband and I married nearly 30 years ago, we set a precedent that we were not going to do the Christmas swapping thing on a regular basis and sometimes threw a holiday away somewhere snowy or sunny into the mix. Live dangerously and break the mould. 😜

Sounds horrendous.

Yanbu

At best, it will be a pain in the arse.

Go to the pub with her and the 3 kiddies at your earliest convenience, stay for ages then she will see for herself why Christmas day will be hell

I have twins - she is being daft and I am surprised she can't see it.

I never took my 2 to meals out before they could sit comfortably through it. As much for us, other people don't want their (overpriced on Xmas day) meal disrupted by children who are bored.

Say, 'No' and don't feel bad about it.

Sorry, just seen the update.

Good on you!

YANBU!
For that exact reason I have done Xmas lunch at mine for 20 years as DD is an only and being surrounded by adults would have bored her shitless! And more stress for me!

Do your own thing and explain to MIL that she’s welcone to pop in on way to or from her pub lunch!

My DD spending first Xmas at her Father’s 100s of miles away& parents being taken out by DB- so will be on my Tod....enjoy your children while you can! To hell with the rest of the family!!!