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Original poster

To not want to take almost 1YO twins to Xmas lunch in a pub

245 replies

Buildalegohouse · 03/11/2018 06:40

DH and I have always alternated spending Xmas lunch with each of our sets of parents. This year we are due to spend it with his but MIL has decided she doesn't want to cook. That's fine, not a problem.

We have offered to host them (which we offer every year). no, she doesn't want to do that.

We have offered to go to my parents so they can go to the pub. No, she doesn't want to do that.

We have invited them to join us at my parents' house. Nope.

She wants to go to a pub and flat out refuses to accept any other suggestions.
I'm not against the notion of Xmas lunch in a pub, although I have never done it before, but the thought of taking my 4YO and twins (who will be 2 weeks from turning 1) fills me with dread.

We have tried taking them out for meals a number of times and it invariably ends up with DH and I trying to contain a wriggling, grumpy child each, eating with one hand or one of us missing the meal entirely to push DTs around the car park in the pram.

They will sit for a maximum of about 20 minutes in a high chair while they eat and then DH and I will have to spend 2 hours stopping them from trying to escape. At home they could toddle off and do their own thing.

WIBU to say no to this?

If not, please help me think of a suggestion MiL will agree to. She's generally lovely and does a lot for us and I don't want to upset her but I really don't want to do this.

OP posts:
DanglyBangly · 03/11/2018 07:06

Perfectly reasonable and Xmas lunches in pubs tend to be expensive, so not only will you have a shit time, you’ll have paid through the nose for it as well.

speakout · 03/11/2018 07:07

Time for new family traditions and to assert yourself as a matriarch.

When I had children I made it clear I was not travelling anywhere on Christmas day.

Family were welcome. but I made it clear we were spending christmas day in our own house.
It's far too much trouble with little ones, and as they grow they want to spend christmas day in their own home, playing with their new toys, not spending time driving about in a car visiting people..

Time to put on your big girl pants, you have children now, and their needs are very important.

Fine for a coup;le to do the turn about on christmas day, but when kids come along then things change.

Trogdor · 03/11/2018 07:07

Don't go. Have your own day at home. Your home.

Chottie · 03/11/2018 07:07

Don't go. It's your Christmas too. I really don't understand why MiL is just not getting why you don't want to go to a pub for Christmas lunch. I'm a MiL too

In your place, I would either stay at home and see your parents or go to your parents for Christmas.

DanglyBangly · 03/11/2018 07:08

Could you go for a pub lunch with her between now and Xmas to demonstrate what a pain it will be?

noenergy · 03/11/2018 07:08

Sounds so stressful for u and I wouldn't inflict that on other customers.

I have only started taking my kids out now that they are 4,5,7. Managing the youngest 2 when they were younger was too hard.

NancyJoan · 03/11/2018 07:09

DH “Hi Mum, we’ve been thinking about Christmas. Since you’re going out for lunch, we’re going to have Christmas Day at home, just the five of us. Would you like to come to us in the afternoon for tea and Xmas cake?”

Theworldisfullofgs · 03/11/2018 07:10

Stay at home. We went to in-laws until we had kids. They were then invited to ours.

homeishere · 03/11/2018 07:10

No chance. I wouldn’t want my Christmas lunch in a pub anyway, regardless of twins, but with them?! she must be mad.

Just say, it won’t be enjoyable for you, the children will kick off etc. We’ll be having our Christmas Day at home, and you’re welcome to join us if you like.

NoUnicornsToSeeHere · 03/11/2018 07:11

The only thing YWBU doing is telling your mother in law. That’s your husband’s job.

I’ll occasionally accommodate my parents and great grandad’s Idea of a nice time (pub lunch) with myy children in tow, but not if I’m paying huge prices for it on a Special Day.

Stay st home. There are five of you now, let others come to you.

Staringcoat · 03/11/2018 07:11

Agree with pp; time to instigate your own Christmas in your home! You have already been more than generous with your alternative suggestions and invitations. YWNBU at all to say something along the lines of "Thanks so much for your invitation, but I'm sure you will understand that a pub lunch when the DC are so small is impractical and out of the question for us currently, but I hope you have a lovely celebration" or some such.

Time to plough your own furrow in your own home op!

toomuchtooold · 03/11/2018 07:12

God, they won't be able to nap or anything. First couple of Christmases we gave DTs their Christmas dinner first, then took them to bed for their afternoon nap, then had ours while they were sleeping. It was quite civilised. That's what you want to be doing, not dragging them out to the pub. You just need to tell her no, don't feel bad, I don't know what your MIL is thinking but if you go out to that pub she'll end up having a rubbish Christmas lunch as well so see it as saving her from that.

Purplejay · 03/11/2018 07:13

I wouldn’t have done this with a nearly 1 yo let alone 3 under 5! YANBU. She can’t dictate what you do! You have given her other options, she must pick one. If she insists in the pub, say you will make other plans this year.

PumpkinPie2016 · 03/11/2018 07:14

YANBU at all! A 4 year old will want to play with their new toys in Christmas day, watch Christmas tv etc. They will not want to sit in a pub, having to be on their best behaviour!

One year old babies generally don't like formal dating out. You and your husband will no doubt spend the entire time juggling babies, trying to eat and wasting half the meal and feeling stressed!

No fun for anyone. You have made several reasonable suggestions - it's not your fault she won't be flexible!

I'd just say to her - sorry, the pub won't work for us, we can do or we will see you boxing day.

Witchesbritches · 03/11/2018 07:15

It’s time to reassess Christmas routines. Nothing in life stays the same forever. You made those arrangements before you had children. You now have a 4yo and 1yo twins, it’s about them. Do what THEY, and you, will enjoy. For me, that would be staying home so it’s relaxed and they can play with their new toys - that’s going to be much more fun for years to come. Tell your family now that’s the plan going forward, then they've got a year to get themselves sorted.

I would invite them for CD breakfast or evening buffet type thing, but not for CD as I prefer spending time with the kids than faffing about with CD. If you don’t mind them staying all day then organise what food is easy for that many people and say that’s what’s you’ll be having, they can choose to stay or not.

It’s time to put your kids first, and yourselves. Not just stick to a routine that no longer suits you.

Original poster
Buildalegohouse · 03/11/2018 07:15

I'm glad I'm not alone in this.

DH and I have explained why we don't want to do it and how difficult it will be (plus at around £150, a massive waste of money). I like the suggestion of taking her out for lunch with them. She's seen how stressful meal times can be at home, let alone taking them out!

OP posts:
Yvbmioasp · 03/11/2018 07:15

Just say a big fat no. She is being an utter diva and extremely selfish. Don’t even try and appease her with suggestions. You and DH need to present a united front and just say you are staying at home on Christmas Day and that’s that.

Purplejay · 03/11/2018 07:15

Also this will be a long drawn out lunch. Kids want to be at home or at least able to play with their toys and run around or watch christmas tv.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 03/11/2018 07:16

Can't think of anything worse than pub Xmas lunch with a 4yo and 2 x 1yo. You'll be paying through the nose for eating one cold Brussel sprout and a chipolata while you are toddler wrangling

iMatter · 03/11/2018 07:18

Say no.

Your kids, your Christmas.

I can't think of anything worse.

You'll have a miserable time.

I'd rather stay home with a cheese sandwich!

ellesbellesxxx · 03/11/2018 07:18

I have 17mo twins and your message made me Shock there is just no way we could have done that at 11mo and definitely not now!
I would have to say it’s just not possible with the children... unless one of you has to miss out to entertain them 😢

Shitstormiscoming · 03/11/2018 07:19

DH “Hi Mum, we’ve been thinking about Christmas. Since you’re going out for lunch, we’re going to have Christmas Day at home, just the five of us. Would you like to come to us in the afternoon for tea and Xmas cake?”

^^ this

It should be coming from your DH, not you.

As pp said, we put in a “no travelling” rule once dd came along resulting in my DF and DSM completely forgetting about us every Christmas

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/11/2018 07:21

God no! Sorry but it isn’t worth making someone else happy at the expense of utter hell entertaining toddlers in an adult environment- clearly your MIL has completely forgotten what toddlers are like. Stick to your guns

LongSummerDays · 03/11/2018 07:23

You have your own young family now. People can come to you so your children can enjoy their presents without having to get in the car to drive to auntie and uncle xxx - which children hate, especially when they've just got a new super-duper This-Years-Toy from Santa.

Jaxtellerswife · 03/11/2018 07:23

We used to run around visiting both sets of parents and alternating dinners. The result was exhausted children that were overwhelmed and didn't really get time to play.
Last year I said no more and it was great. I would do as pp said and start a new tradition sonyoir children and you can relax and enjoy it

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