To not want to take almost 1YO twins to Xmas lunch in a pub

[Buildalegohouse]

DH and I have always alternated spending Xmas lunch with each of our sets of parents. This year we are due to spend it with his but MIL has decided she doesn't want to cook. That's fine, not a problem.

We have offered to host them (which we offer every year). no, she doesn't want to do that.

We have offered to go to my parents so they can go to the pub. No, she doesn't want to do that.

We have invited them to join us at my parents' house. Nope.

She wants to go to a pub and flat out refuses to accept any other suggestions.
I'm not against the notion of Xmas lunch in a pub, although I have never done it before, but the thought of taking my 4YO and twins (who will be 2 weeks from turning 1) fills me with dread.

We have tried taking them out for meals a number of times and it invariably ends up with DH and I trying to contain a wriggling, grumpy child each, eating with one hand or one of us missing the meal entirely to push DTs around the car park in the pram.

They will sit for a maximum of about 20 minutes in a high chair while they eat and then DH and I will have to spend 2 hours stopping them from trying to escape. At home they could toddle off and do their own thing.

WIBU to say no to this?

If not, please help me think of a suggestion MiL will agree to. She's generally lovely and does a lot for us and I don't want to upset her but I really don't want to do this.

Yanbu . That sounds like hell.

YANBU! Have you said to her that it will be difficult with babies?

You need to say just no. Explain and say this may be an option in future but it is not this year. Once she knows it’s a no go you could offer your alternative suggestions again and if it’s a no to them all then it’s xmas dinner without you and arrange the day to see her at a different time. Get dp on board and stick to your guns.

I think if you are not going to enjoy the lunch out you shouldn’t have to do it. Could you offer to cook at her house? That is the only thing I can think of that you haven’t already tried.

Yanbu. I can barely stomach the though of taking my 3yo to a regular pub lunch. Your scenario sounds like hell.

God no! If she's so desperate to go to the pub, she can go, but you'll be elsewhere. Time to start your own traditions? I wish we had years ago - ours are 11 and 9 and we're still stuck in the alternate years thing.

Can you not explain the issues to your MIL? It will be a pretty miserable lunch for you both and probably MIL and very expensive if your prices are like ours round here for lunch out on Christmas Day.

Can you offer to cook at hers?

Sounds like hell, I would just say not this year and let mil do her own thing this year.
I would be planning on staying home and hosting no one. It wold be a lovely relaxed day.

Completely agree, would fill me with dread too and I would explain my reasons why you don’t want to do this to her. You have offered alternatives which she has refused and I think you need to spell it out. If she doesn’t change her mind i would stick to my guns and do what you want to do whilst keeping the invitation open to her. Good luck!! Christmas does my head in, rarely can you please everyone. I won’t hijack your post with my own dilemma this year, but i feel your pain x

YANBU at all. Tell her that you're not too g and explain you're reasons. Tell her the options are they either come yours or your parents for dinner or you'll see them on another day. Christmas dinner in a pub sounds like fresh hell to me, let alone with a 4 year old and 1 year old twins in tow.

This will be the first year we're not to alternating years and doing our own thing.

Only option I don’t think you have suggested is if you cook at their house. So cool most the food/prep everything at yours and take to their place to finish. Or just buy everything pre-done from M&S or similar.

Definitely don’t do something you won’t enjoy, Christmas is just one day. Could you do a pub lunch with them on Boxing Day when the pressure of it being perfect is over.

Kids want to play with toys and just generally not sit still for a long meal.

Don't offer to cook at hers - that would be a nightmare for you too. Decide between you and your own parents who is hosting then say she can do that or go to pub but you are not up to wrangling two under 1s and a 4year old all through a long (and probably expensive) restaurant meal. Poor you to have to spell this one out.

‘Oh what a shame MIL. If those are your plans we’ll have to duck out this year. Never mind, enjoy yourselves’

Not going*

No don’t do. So stressful just horrible. Get your partner to say to her that it wouldn’t be suitable we would spend the entire time chasing kids and not get any food. You have given her so many other options and she is refusing to compromise so let her eat alone.

Hell no! That sounds beyond stressful

YANBU! Unless the pub has a play area I would not even consider it. And even if it fid, you'd still need to run round after your twins so won't be enjoyable for you at all.

YANBU, it sounds like my idea of hell. Your other suggestions to MIL are perfectly reasonable, I think you to either be completely straight with her and tell her no or have an in depth conversation about how her plans will lead to no enjoyment for you and how you'd like Christmas Day to be more relaxing and focused on the children.

Some people are completely selfish, since Christmas is about family you need to make it about your immediate family and do what you want to do. If MIL is actually a nice person then she'll compromise. Don't give in, your Christmas Day will be awful.

Time to break the cycle of alternating and do your own thing now you have kids.

That's a bat shit crazy suggestion and would be hell on earth.

OP I have 5 year old twins and I wouldn't want to inflict them on a pubs customers on Christmas Day, let alone when they were 1.

Stick to your guns - for the sake of the other patrons as much as your lovely family & enjoy your first Christmas as a family

How near to you are they? Can you duck out of lunch but go over in the evening instead?

I must admit I was also thinking I wouldn’t want my expensive Christmas lunch disturbed by two unhappy one year olds. Really think there are no winners at scenario.

I am starting to agree that it might be time to break the cycle start having your own family Christmas.

Sounds like an absolute nightmare and I would flat out refuse to go. I have a nearly one year old and it sounds like torture, nevermind twins and a four year old aswell! At least at home they can, as you say, go off and do their own thing. You should think about staying at home on Christmas day every year and doing your own thing. Having to alternate sounds painful and you never get to host and the kids have to leave most of their new toys at home. I personally want my children to remember our family Christmass rather than my parents or inlaws Christmas.

My mother is always questioning why we don't go out for lunch with my two, and when she visits, suggesting we pop out for brunch or dinner. I always say no as it's just not fun. My two are 4 and almost 1. They are very well behaved but they are still 4 and 1!

I tired of the nagging, so we went for brunch last week. Spent the whole time either jiggling baby, picking up toys he threw, taking 4 yo for a poo, rumaging around in bags for toys/wipes/bottles/bibs. Then when the food came, I couldn't eat mine till I'd sorted both children (obvs), baby threw entire meal on the floor and 4 yo spilt his drink and cried when I wouldn't let him have chocolate ice cream for pudding.

She had to go for a lie down when we got back and she's stopped asking now.

Perhaps organise a quick lunch out and revisit plans a few days later.

I want to be able to relax at Christmas. Let the kids get down and play with new toys/wrapping paper whilst I enjoy eating, drinking and socialising with my family! No way would I agree to dinner out!