To not want to take almost 1YO twins to Xmas lunch in a pub

[Buildalegohouse]

DH and I have always alternated spending Xmas lunch with each of our sets of parents. This year we are due to spend it with his but MIL has decided she doesn't want to cook. That's fine, not a problem.

We have offered to host them (which we offer every year). no, she doesn't want to do that.

We have offered to go to my parents so they can go to the pub. No, she doesn't want to do that.

We have invited them to join us at my parents' house. Nope.

She wants to go to a pub and flat out refuses to accept any other suggestions.
I'm not against the notion of Xmas lunch in a pub, although I have never done it before, but the thought of taking my 4YO and twins (who will be 2 weeks from turning 1) fills me with dread.

We have tried taking them out for meals a number of times and it invariably ends up with DH and I trying to contain a wriggling, grumpy child each, eating with one hand or one of us missing the meal entirely to push DTs around the car park in the pram.

They will sit for a maximum of about 20 minutes in a high chair while they eat and then DH and I will have to spend 2 hours stopping them from trying to escape. At home they could toddle off and do their own thing.

WIBU to say no to this?

If not, please help me think of a suggestion MiL will agree to. She's generally lovely and does a lot for us and I don't want to upset her but I really don't want to do this.

Time to start making your own traditions maybe?
We stay at home over Christmas and grandparents are welcome to visit. Children don’t want to go out on Christmas Day, they want to play with their new toys ( I know I did ) my inlaws come over Christmas afternoon for a couple of hours ( that’s as long as I can take ) FIL moans about the noise, too much food etc and MIL and SIL lord it up expecting to be waited on and my parents come over pretty much every day until new year. We stopped going to them once my eldest was about 2 due to her wanting to play at home. Your eldest is 4 and if you ask, will probably want to stay at home.
Just tell your MIL thank you for the offer of the pub but taking hyped up little ones out on Christmas Day isn’t something you want to do. Then stay home, cook your own dinner and enjoy watching your little ones make lots of mess and have lots of fun x

Sounds like a nightmare - I would decline. I have. 4 year old and a 2 year old - I wouldn’t take them either. One parent won’t get to eat and the other will have to wolf it down. One parents food will be cold.

Definitely No, just No. Christmas with young children, you need to do whatever it takes for you to relax and enjoy. Supervising a 4 yr old and 2 1 yr olds, AND enjoying yourself will be IMPOSSIBLE in a pub. In addition, I’d feel awful if my DCs started to cry etc and disturb other diners. You need to put your foot down. “No, it will be a nightmare for us trying to keep children occupied and happy. We just won’t be able to enjoy ourselves or enjoy the meal, so we can’t go to a pub”

Wouldn't dream of it. Just say that this year given the age of the children you have to have a more homely Christmas meal. Apart from the hassle you could have you don't relish the thought of any of your children crying/screaming at the meal and spoiling the occasion for the other diners. MIL hasn't a clue!!

Sounds like hell! You've been more than accommodating, this is why we always spend Christmas day alone at home! No dramas

Sounds like a lovely idea for grown ups but not really fair for little ones who have to leave a houseful of new toys to sit quietly for hours 😒 not their favourite occupation on any day. I’d be stressed for the next 6 weeks at the thought! Why not say you understand them wanting to but the children are a bit young yet and offer to have a second Christmas Day at yours maybe Boxing Day. With an (ex) long term partner who’s siblings lived away we always had Christmas Day the Weekend before which was great as we had in effect two Christmas’s and it saved people having to try and dash around to please people. As long as they know they’re still welcome if they change their minds I can’t see how they can really take offence x

Good on you. Hope it all works out ok. Since we have little people needing naps (this year it'll be 4, 2, and 9 months) we've said Christmas somewhere they can sleep. In practice this means we host the ILs (only one cousin who will be 6 this year) or at my family's as my mum has cots and a ridiculous number of grown up beds, endless lego and a trampoline in the garden so everyone can sleep and play. Also we have shorter dinners now with all the kids (my youngest is the 10th grandchild on our side). And bracing walks and time at the playground too...

If you don’t want to that’s fine but it doesn’t have to be awful. We ate out at a restaurant with our 4 eldest when they were 6, 5, 3 and 2. Last year with our now 8 children we were on holiday and ate out for every meal with all of them 16, 15, 13, 11, 8, 6, 4 & 1 yr old at the time. This year we have booked a lovely pub for lunch (all kids a year older).

I would add though that there are no grandparents or other people to consider and we eat together every evening so all kids used sitting together round the table. We won’t take hours and I will be taking screens for those who will need them to entertain them if necessary.

I think this suggestion is crazy! I wouldn’t want to take my 6 & 9 year old for a long, drawn out lunch on Christmas. It’s expensive and will not be any fun. You’ve offered reasonable suggestions and now need to just choose what you’d like to do and communicate it. No need for practice lunches or further explainations!

Just say no.

You've offered more than one alternative and she has no problem saying no to you!

I don't anyone on this page has read the full thread. Go back a few pages people. Update yourselves

Well KC.allow me to introduce Mr kettle,Ms Pot and Mr black
clearly you opine but don’t follow your own commands.
I've read thread.and update
I can see the op has arrived at decision that her home is a xmas venue & mil has not Responded to invite yet
My point was I hope a mutually agreeable solution can be arrived at,to deflect & reduce strife. As after all xmas or other occasions comes up and it’d be less stressful if mil and op could reach a compromise

Everybody go out to lunch together, both sets of parents. Then they can all help entertain the littlies. We do this every year. Take toys, squeaky balloons, some of their new Christmas goodies? Last year some of the other tables got involved, especially those with DC!

I think we can all agree that sounds like hell on earth. Much easier to stay at home with young children and they can see their toys etc and watch tv too. It’s your Christmas too, don’t let them dictate to you.

I never read the full thread, so sorry if not up to date. Just don’t have time like many people but like to say my two penneth worth.

Well done. You would have had a pretty stressful Xmas meal in a pub.

Sb74 “I never read the full thread, so sorry if not up to date. Just don’t have time like many people but like to say my two penneth worth.”

And yet you are prepared to waste other people’s time adding pointlessly and irrelevantly to threads to have your say, when you haven’t even bothered to read the OP’s highlighted posts?

Quite rude, and it bogs threads down when people post without reading.

I'd like to know what MIL has said in response.
Well done OP.
Enjoy your less stressful day at home!

Any response from mother in law yet?