"Oh my goodness .... you still have the same bathroom, that's hilarious"

[BigSandyBalls2015]

AIBU and overly sensitive or is that fecking rude?

For context - this is someone I met at baby groups years ago (our kids are now mid/late teens), lost touch when they started different schools and occasionally bumped into one another out shopping etc. I recently saw her and invited her back for coffee and a catch up at mine, which took place yesterday.

The first thing she said was "oh my goodness ... you still have the same bathroom, that's hilarious" (bathroom by front door). I had forgotten she was such a rude cow .... things have started coming back to me since our coffee ..... I remember sitting in our garden with several baby group mums, kids in paddling pool, all lovely and she came out with the cracker "I so wish I had a tiny garden and house like this, so much easier to maintain".

I remember now why we lost touch.

We have a pampas coloured cloakroom suite. Can't change it as the toilet has an absolute epic flush (unlike the noughties toilets upstairs which have wimpy little flushes; the modern bathrooms are altogether less sturdy than their ancestors).

My 1950s fireplace would be the death of her.

This sort of thing confuses me, who can realistically afford to replace their bathroom and kitchen very often?! We had to borrow a lot of money from my mum to have a new kitchen as the other one wasn’t for for purpose... I will probably not have a new one now for about 20 years unless something drastic happened. She sounds rude and time to lose touch again!

You don’t need a “friend” like this in your life. A real friend doesn’t give a crap about your the age of your bathroom or the size of your garden- but you know that already 😊

Btw, we renovated our (very dilapidated) property more than 15 years ago, new kitchen and bathrooms. We are only just beginning to think it would be nice to replace them in the next 5 years or so (have done a couple of easy to update things to freshen them up for now). It seems pretty wasteful to rip them out and start again when they are still pretty solid.

Oh she's so rude, where are her manners?

She clearly feels insecure and has to get one up on you by making that remark. YANBU.

Tell her you find it "hilarious" that she even noticed you had the same bathroom. It's pathetic in her part.

I reckon coloured bathroom suites and loo roll will make a comeback!

Well, now you know who the target audience is for that kind of women's magazine shitebasketry that advocates using THIS YEAR'S repellent COLOURS for your bathroom. Shake your head sympathetically and say 'Oh, God, did you do the whole greige thing? I'm so embarrassed for you.'

muststop. I know. I’m currently trying to replace the kitchen, it’s an early 80’s that was here when we moved in & it’s fallen (not fall-ing) apart. All I want is a sturdy, nice, kitchen that’ll last. I’m trying to choose something pretty timeless. ALL I keep hearing is ‘Buy what you like’ new owners will put a new one in and it doesn’t matter what’s there if you rent it out & if you stay you’ll be wanting to replace it in 5-7 years. (we might need to move due to a job). Will I fuck! It’s too much hassle & expense to even think about replacing it in 5 years. I just want a decent solid kitchen

"Funny you should remember our bathroom because I remember visiting yours once too and was especially impressed by the submarine-sized poo in your toilet."

I'd disagree with others that this is a sign of insecurity, though -- I think she actually is that shallow and views biannual redecoration as necessary keeping up with the Joneses.

A rather posh friend of mine, who doesn't wear her money in any obvious way, reported with amusement a spate of comments from fellow-parents at her son's new school about her reliable, ten year old car -- 'Oh my God, you're so BRAVE' and 'I wish I was like you, not caring what people think...'

I’d have replied “Yoy haven’t changed a bit you still have a big mouth and vile manners”

^You

Head tilted and a tinkerly little laugh, and say "oh you haven't changed a little bit, how hilarious!"

And another variation on the theme:

'Oh my goodness .... and you still have the same personality, that's tragic!'

Fuck you and bath you sailed in on I wouldn't have her in my house again op.

witchesbritches haha! Well I picked one that I love and I am actually quite sad to say I’m leaving it behind after only six months as we decided unexpectedly to move house! The new kitchen is ok...and like your thinking we will not be replacing it even though it’s not my ‘dream’ kitchen cos I can’t bloody afford it! I would say that for a solid kitchen bespoke units are probably best but also really pricey and the company we had we absolute weirdos. They did a good job though... that’s another reason I will probably never have another kitchen, you have to have crazies in your house!!!

The people i know who have the most friends are very tactful. The people i know who are tactless don't have many friends and i don't think they really understand why. So they get their comeuppance in a way.

We had a new bathroom installed in 1996, shortly after moving to our house. Although we've replaced the bath panel a couple of times when it cracked, it's basically the same white suite. The walls have blue tiles at the bottom and white at the top. A bit old fashioned now I suppose, but still clean and functional. I hadn't given a though about doing anything to it but now I've read this thread I'm thinking maybe I need to update it .

No OP, YANBU. How rude. It's poor manners to criticise someone's home when they've offered you hospitality and welcomed you in. Many of us make (truly) jokey (two-way) comments with our close friends, but you two haven't seen eachother for years and can't be described as that. These sorts of unkind digs are meant to belittle and undermine. I agree she seems shallow and insecure, so I would feel a little sorry for her, if I were you.

Not everyone wants, needs or can afford to replace things unless they're worn out or no longer meet your needs. The throw-away, fashion-led consumer society we live in is partly why our planet is in such a mess and why many people are in unnecessary debt.

Some wonderful come-backs by pps on here. If only we could always think of them in the heat of the moment!

Unless you're planning to go round to her house for a revenge coffee, I assume you're intending to lose touch again. If you want to get rid of her permanently, do feel free to send her round to our place. It's ancient, and the bathroom is that old it's almost certainly the first one ever put in. She'll spontaneously combust.

Friends are meant to leave you feeling better, not worse. I wouldn't waste any more energy on this one.

Have you met my SIL? This is just the sort of crap she comes out with. i.e. calling our third bedroom "that small pokey box room" and saying "yes - I can see why you want to repaint in here - dreadful colour" - not five minutes after DH had told her we'd just finished repainting in there.

We don't see her much anymore. Can't think why. I suggest you do the same with your cheeky mare.

Once I went to pick up ex best friend (NC now due to her narc ways) and her partner for an evening at ours, so they only had to get a cab back rather than someone driving.

One street off ours I was driving around the corner and and she saw someone she recognised out the window and said to her partner "oh there's so and so, what's she doing round here? Oh she probably has a shitty uncle or aunt that lives on this street" said with wrinkled cats bum expression to show obvious distaste for the area.

Quickly followed by, "Oh, no offence!" 

My mum lived with the hideous bathroom the houses previous owners installed for over 25 years! She always hated it but as it was functional it came lower on the list of priorities for spending money on. Yknow, below raising her children and stuff.

Should just ask her deadpan: oh? How often are you supposed to change your bathroom?'

Just play dumb and treat her life the silly, tactless person she is.

Btw I often say stupid things and have a reputation for being tactless. I really don't mean to hurt and I do want people to like me!

It's a horrible affliction and I tend to be more tolerant of other tactless people and even if someone is being pointed I tend to laugh it off. So I guess that makes me doubly irritating!