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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is my friend being unreasonable?

259 replies

upsideup · 30/10/2018 15:32

My friend has a dd the same age as dd2(11). They are not best friends and originally only friends through us but hang out without us sometimes now they're older and so far have always been invited to each others parties.

DD1(23) is a makeup artist and my friend asked her if she could do makeup for her daughter and some of her friends before they go to her birthday party. DD1 doesn't normally do parties or kids makeup but because it was for my friend and she assumed dd2 would be there she agreed and offered a discounted price.

Originally dd1 was going to go to friends house in the afternoon to do their makeup before the party. She normally charges less when clients come to her which friend realised and changed the plan to drop her dd and friends round here in the morning and pick them up later asking for the price to be dropped further. DD1 agreed to this and dropped the price because she thought she was doing makeup for her sister so it wouldn't be so bad having and looking after them all at our house.

The invites were handed out last week and dd2 hasn't been invited. DD1 has also been given a list of the girls invited because some of them aren't allowed certain makeup, dd isn't on the list. I definitely don't think friends dd has to invite mine to her party but think it was really rude of friend to ask dd1 to do their makeup and host some of the party at our house if dd2 wasn't invited. We are going to have to take dd2 out somewhere that day so she's not in when her friends are downstairs getting their makeup done for a party she's not going to.
I'm really annoyed my friend didn't consider any of this and am putting off seeing her in case the party is mentioned as I dont know what to day. DD1 can't back out now but wouldnt have agreed to doing it if she knew dd2 wasnt going to be invited.

Do you think my friend is being unreasonable? Or am I and over thinking it?

OP posts:

ConciseandNice · 30/10/2018 15:34

Wow. YANBU. Massive CF alert.

Iloveacurry · 30/10/2018 15:35

I think it’s very thoughtless of your friend, so no, you’re not being unreasonable.

Davon · 30/10/2018 15:37

I don't think its unreasonable for your DD1 to do the girls' make-up even though your DD2 isn't invited. After all, it's just another job and she's being paid. However, I think the mother has deliberately miscommunicated so your DD1 will drop the price (assuming that DD2 will be there). Not sure there's much can be done about that now.

However, they are being massively unreasonable hosting it at your house when DD2 isn't invited. I assume your DD2 lives with you?

LIZS · 30/10/2018 15:37

If it were at their house I'd think ywbu but it seems overly cf to bring them to yours and exclude dd2. Maybe have a quiet word with your friend about doing it at theirs instead.

NonaGrey · 30/10/2018 15:37

Yes she’s hugely unreasonable.

If I was DD1 I’d tell the party Mum that the location would need to move to her house as it’s otherwise insensitive to my sister.

Twork · 30/10/2018 15:38

That's really inconsiderate and rude of your friend.

Of course she doesn't have to invite your daughter and your oldest maybe shouldn't have assumed your other daughter was invited but she's v. Inconsiderate having it at your house and asking for discounts.

Davon · 30/10/2018 15:38

I think your DD1 should go back to the mother and say she'll still do the make-up at the discounted price but it won't be possible to do it at your house.

zucchinicourgette · 30/10/2018 15:39

No that is very thoughtless. Is it at all possible though that your friend just thought it wasn’t necessary to hand over an invitation to your dd2 since the party was starting at her house?

Otherwise I think DD1 should say she’ll have to change the plan to doing it at the friend’s house, with corresponding price increase, since her sister isn’t invited and will be hurt.

Timeforabiscuit · 30/10/2018 15:41

Quiet word with your 'friend' about how your youngest will be shooed out of her own home because of her thoughtlessness!

Does your eldest want to do the makeup? If not, she can bow out gracefully before the event by saying shes taking youngest sis out for the day?

Minniemagoo · 30/10/2018 15:42

Did I read your op right - is your DD1 supposed to mind all the 11 year old whilst doing their make up as well?
Either way YANBU and I would also have DD1 go back as PP has suggested and say that they can't do it in your house as it would be disrespectful to DD2.

GreenTulips · 30/10/2018 15:44

I think you should call the friend and iron out some details and explain how awful that would be for DD2 to have a house full of excited girls

And why are they being dropped to you without supervision? That's even more cheeky

Tell her it's at her house with the price increase or the deals off

findingmywaytoday · 30/10/2018 15:44

She is being unreasonable. I'd be minded to let DD1 accept an alternative full paying job if one is offered!

CantWaitToRetire · 30/10/2018 15:46

I think your friend was out of order to ask your DD1 to do make up without telling her that her sister wasn't going to be invited.

As you say, it's a business transaction so she can't really pull out of it now. To save your DD2 any awkwardness or embarrassment, could your DD1, on this occasion only, do the make up at the friends house at the same price as she was planning to charge to do it at yours?

FannyFifer · 30/10/2018 15:48

That is cheeky fuckery if the highest order.

Allthewaves · 30/10/2018 15:48

Tell her it needs to be done at her house

Allthewaves · 30/10/2018 15:52

Why on earth you agreed to host a group of kids at yours and dd1 to knock down the price - no way.

Message friend and tell her unfortunately dd1 will not be able to do make up at your house and will be coming to hers- Then see what she says

BareBum · 30/10/2018 15:55

If i was your DD1, I’d be very honest and say that the location must be at the friend’s house and explain why. I would also explain that the price must go back to the price for make up done elsewhere.

Tistheseason17 · 30/10/2018 15:57

I would def tell her to host at her own house.
CF? yes, definitely.
If I was your DD1, I'd be poorly on the day and unable to fulfill...

Tistheseason17 · 30/10/2018 15:58

Just a thought...
Is there any possibility that your DD2 is invited and not on the list or getting invite as party it is at your house and the assumption would be that DD2 knows if DD1 has any make-up allergies?

Just check!

puzzledlady · 30/10/2018 15:59

No I would have to call her out on it. She hasn’t even considered your second daughter’s feelings at all.

sadsadsady · 30/10/2018 16:00

Does she think your daughter will sit there and watch?? Goodness, she's either thoughtless or unkind.

drinkygin · 30/10/2018 16:02

Your friend sounds like an absolute bitch. I would be raging at how cruel she has been to your daughter. No way this is an oversight- nobody is that stupid. I’d tell her DD1 wouldn’t be doing their makeup anywhere and I’d tell her exactly why! Cheeky cow.

pinyata · 30/10/2018 16:03

I think she's a massive CF and is bargaining on your DD1 doing her sisters makeup for free so she's doesn't need to pay for her and guaranteed she will stay that DD2 was invited and didn't think she would have to specify that and more than likely add a twinkly laugh to the end 🙄

woollyheart · 30/10/2018 16:04

Very strange! Do you think that maybe she is thinking that she shouldn't need to pay DD1 to do her own sister's makeup, so dropped her from the list?

Ifoundanacorn · 30/10/2018 16:06

I too can’t imagine anyone doing this!
Can you message your friend and ask her directly is dd2 invited or not as she isn’t on the list and as it is being hosted at your house by her sister this might be tricky.

Maybe your dd isn’t on the list because your dd1 would know what kind of make up she would be wearing. Ditto for the invite, you wouldn’t invite someone to their own house!
Please double check before doing anything.
This could be a simple misunderstanding.

If it isn’t, then your next reply ( as the friendship is clearly over with such CF behaviour) that sadly dd1 would feel so compromised doing this job, you feel it might be better that she finds someone else this time. No way would I be accommodating a party for her dd discount or no discount. It would be so awkward for dd1!!

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