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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is my friend being unreasonable?

259 replies

upsideup · 30/10/2018 15:32

My friend has a dd the same age as dd2(11). They are not best friends and originally only friends through us but hang out without us sometimes now they're older and so far have always been invited to each others parties.

DD1(23) is a makeup artist and my friend asked her if she could do makeup for her daughter and some of her friends before they go to her birthday party. DD1 doesn't normally do parties or kids makeup but because it was for my friend and she assumed dd2 would be there she agreed and offered a discounted price.

Originally dd1 was going to go to friends house in the afternoon to do their makeup before the party. She normally charges less when clients come to her which friend realised and changed the plan to drop her dd and friends round here in the morning and pick them up later asking for the price to be dropped further. DD1 agreed to this and dropped the price because she thought she was doing makeup for her sister so it wouldn't be so bad having and looking after them all at our house.

The invites were handed out last week and dd2 hasn't been invited. DD1 has also been given a list of the girls invited because some of them aren't allowed certain makeup, dd isn't on the list. I definitely don't think friends dd has to invite mine to her party but think it was really rude of friend to ask dd1 to do their makeup and host some of the party at our house if dd2 wasn't invited. We are going to have to take dd2 out somewhere that day so she's not in when her friends are downstairs getting their makeup done for a party she's not going to.
I'm really annoyed my friend didn't consider any of this and am putting off seeing her in case the party is mentioned as I dont know what to day. DD1 can't back out now but wouldnt have agreed to doing it if she knew dd2 wasnt going to be invited.

Do you think my friend is being unreasonable? Or am I and over thinking it?

OP posts:

Burke1585 · 31/10/2018 13:35

MrDonut are you the friend????????????
Any update on this? Have you messaged your friend yet?

MrDonut · 31/10/2018 13:52

Ha, ha. Definitely not.

I just mean, if you hire someone to do a service and they quote you a price that you agree to, then all is good.

To then find out that actually that person doesn't usually provide that service and was just doing it as a favour based on an assumption, and that they will no longer do it as their assumption wasn't correct. It's not very professional, is it?

From personal experience, don't do business favours for people. Make sure you got the terms of the deal right before you agree.

BackInRed · 31/10/2018 16:35

Your DD offered them a mate's rate when it seems they aren't actually mates now. So she should charge them more and not do it at your house.

Your "friend" is a heartless cheeky cow.

Strongmummy · 31/10/2018 17:29

It sounds to me as if your friend was trying to give your daughter work, which your daughter agreed to on false assumptions and then offered discounts on false assumptions and offered herself as babysitter .....on false assumptions. I think the moral of the story is never assume

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 31/10/2018 17:33

I actually think she’s being even cheekier than you’ve realised!

Your daughter’s lower rate for doing makeup at your house is based on the fact it’s (usually a lone?) grown woman coming round I presume.

There’s all the difference in the world between that and hosting a whole bunch of excited youngsters for goodness knows how long, rushing round, treading crisps and chewing gum and God knows what else into your carpets, smearing their fingers everywhere, using your glasses and your loo etc. You get to tidy up beforehand and do a load of childcare, crowd control and entertainment on top. If she then takes them on to somewhere else, she hasn’t had any of that to deal with.

Places charge good money for all that, and she’s getting a REDUCED rate ???

I personally don’t like the expression CF, but my goodness, in this case it’s the only one that fits!

GreenTulips · 31/10/2018 17:34

I don't think it's a false assumption. Why would DD1 have any reason to believe this woman was a hurtful CF?

dontalltalkatonce · 31/10/2018 17:36

The client changed the terms of the service provided, MrDonut, to better suit her. At that point, the service provider should say, 'No, thanks. Need to cancel'. But I do agree, don't do business favours. It doesn't work well.

But it seems the OP has scarpered.

dontalltalkatonce · 31/10/2018 17:44

The mate was already offered a discount but then went back to get a further one. She's a CF for this. She's taken advantage of the DD1's lack of assertiveness and business acumen, but that's a cunt thing to do to someone.

The DD1 needs to grow a pair and so does the OP. That's the lesson to be learned here. Cancel the CF booking. OP tells the CF to sling her hook. You move on. The DD1's business isn't based on making up kids.

brizzledrizzle · 31/10/2018 17:46

That takes CF'ery to a whole new level. Such a shame that your DD1 has come down with a highly contagious skin disease and won't be able to do the make up after all.

Gemini69 · 31/10/2018 17:47

I agree with everyone saying DD1 should cancel the booking.. she's already chipping away at her profit margin ... end the party contract ..

EK36 · 31/10/2018 17:49

I would tell the truth. Say sorry but daughter cannot do the make-up as agreed due to a miscommunication. As she thought her sister would be there. Because she isn't invited it makes it awkward to have the birthday group in the house because your daughter will be there! No need to be rude just tell it as it is.

YouDancin · 31/10/2018 17:57

Ah your poor DD! And what a CF.

I totally agree with what @Returnofthesmileybar wrote. And as someone else said - it is a good lesson for DD1 to learn about business. There really shouldn't be a discount for hosting in her (your) own home as she still has inconvenience. And for more than one person (i.e. a HOARD of kids) there should be an increase.
What an utterly mean "friend".

Ignoramusgiganticus · 31/10/2018 17:58

Yes I think it would be reasonable to back out now. Invent an excuse if it will make life easier.

Mollypolly123 · 31/10/2018 17:59

Interested to know how its going? So many people take kind people forgranted

SauvignonBlanche · 31/10/2018 18:04

Unbelievable CF’ry, how can your friend be so mean?

PawneeParksDept · 31/10/2018 18:13

Massive CFery, one of the finest in here this 12 months.

I had to laugh at one suggested text
"Any chance of moving this to yours?"

A CF would say no sorry.

The text should say

"Unfortunately as DD2 has not been invited to this party, if you still want me to MUA it will have to be at your house. She is my sister this is her home and I will not place her in the role of a spectre at the feast. Given that you had already received a friends and family discount, I can't let the the additional at home" discount stand as I will not be doing this at my home under any circumstances. The correct pricing is therefore ££ If this no longer suits you are welcome to cancel free of charge"

Bit strident but appropriate to the level of cheek

Whenwillsummerbehere · 31/10/2018 18:16

Have you messaged her? CF!

Original poster

upsideup · 31/10/2018 18:20

Dd1 messaged to check that dd2 isnt invited, she isn't. Apprently friend did think about this but didnt think it would matter as she only hired her because she's a makeup artist not because shes my daughter/dd2's sister and because dd2 is used to having clients in the house.
DD is still offering to do it at friends price for the original price and I've tried to pay her not to but I don't think she wants that reputation.

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 31/10/2018 18:24

Friend has behaved v badly. Cheeky fuckery!

DD1 is not U for doing the make up at friend’s house, for the sake of her business reputation.

diddl · 31/10/2018 18:24

THere seem to have been assumptions made on both sides.

Of course you don't have to take your 11yr old out.

Your oldest either doesn't do the job, does it at hers-with the mother staying (unless she doesn't have her own place,) or says that it must be at the party girl's house.

Can't help thinking that it would be unfair to the girls for her to now say no-unless she can recommend someone?

Miyajima98 · 31/10/2018 18:31

I would say to the friend, " Oh sorry i assumed DD2 was included, but as she isn't then we really won't be able to host this at home, as it will obviously be awkward for her not being included."

Or if DD1 is comfortable she could convey this message as the professional instead. As in "I assumed by little sister was part of the group but as she isn't I'm afraid I won't be able to host the girls at my Mum's house because my sister will be at home and this will risk her feeling excluded, which i'm not comfortable about. I'm very happy to come to your home and do the make up however, and the price would be XXX."

FrancisCrawford · 31/10/2018 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LakieLady · 31/10/2018 18:47

she only hired her because she's a makeup artist not because shes my daughter/dd2's sister and because dd2 is used to having clients in the house.

There's a world of difference between having adult clients in the house and a horde of over-excited 11-year olds without an accompanying adult.

Cheeky fuckery of the highest order imo.

Jenny17 · 31/10/2018 18:51

Friend has behaved badly. Happy for friends daughter to be left out in her own house to save some money. No thought to friends DD.

Maisymoo22 · 31/10/2018 18:51

Oh well if she’s hired Your dd2 solely on the premise of her being a makeup artist and nothing to do with her being your dd then it would be at the price she charges for regular customers I’m afraid. Also at her house with payment up front!!!

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