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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my friend being unreasonable?

259 replies

upsideup · 30/10/2018 15:32

My friend has a dd the same age as dd2(11). They are not best friends and originally only friends through us but hang out without us sometimes now they're older and so far have always been invited to each others parties.

DD1(23) is a makeup artist and my friend asked her if she could do makeup for her daughter and some of her friends before they go to her birthday party. DD1 doesn't normally do parties or kids makeup but because it was for my friend and she assumed dd2 would be there she agreed and offered a discounted price.

Originally dd1 was going to go to friends house in the afternoon to do their makeup before the party. She normally charges less when clients come to her which friend realised and changed the plan to drop her dd and friends round here in the morning and pick them up later asking for the price to be dropped further. DD1 agreed to this and dropped the price because she thought she was doing makeup for her sister so it wouldn't be so bad having and looking after them all at our house.

The invites were handed out last week and dd2 hasn't been invited. DD1 has also been given a list of the girls invited because some of them aren't allowed certain makeup, dd isn't on the list. I definitely don't think friends dd has to invite mine to her party but think it was really rude of friend to ask dd1 to do their makeup and host some of the party at our house if dd2 wasn't invited. We are going to have to take dd2 out somewhere that day so she's not in when her friends are downstairs getting their makeup done for a party she's not going to.
I'm really annoyed my friend didn't consider any of this and am putting off seeing her in case the party is mentioned as I dont know what to day. DD1 can't back out now but wouldnt have agreed to doing it if she knew dd2 wasnt going to be invited.

Do you think my friend is being unreasonable? Or am I and over thinking it?

OP posts:
Manycatsandallthegin · 30/10/2018 16:07

Id definitely have dd1 call the cf mum and say shes still happy to do makeup but as her sister is invited she cant have the girls to her house, where her sister will be, unable and uninvited to join in, therefore it will have to be at the cf mum house.

Tomatoesrock · 30/10/2018 16:10

Maybe she is hoping your DD2 will be done as a freebie as they're sisters, not included on the list to avoid individual charges?Whatever the reason your friend is a CF.

Hisnamesblaine · 30/10/2018 16:10

Did I read right that she got a initial discount as your are friendly. But then requested a further one as it's being done at your house? That in itself is very cheeky!! How did the 1st discount cone about?

fuzzywuzzy · 30/10/2018 16:10

I’d tell dd to call the client charge her full price and of it at their house.

Why care how the CF mum feels as she clearly doesn’t give a shit how you feel.

yorkshireyummymummy · 30/10/2018 16:10

I think this is awful.
Your poor DD2.

Personally I would ask DD 1 to cancel the booking - its out of her usual remit and obviously only did it because she thought her sister was involved. But, I am a self confessed bit of a bitch.
There’s no way on gods earth would I agree to have this giggling gang of excited girls getting their make up done at a ‘mates rates’ price while my DD2 was upstairs feeling like shit, nor would I be impressed at having to take her out so she wasn’t upset. Your ‘friend’ ( nit much of one is she!) is a CF and I couldn’t stand me, my home and my family being treatvwith such utter disregard.

Returnofthesmileybar · 30/10/2018 16:11

What the actual fuck ShockShock no way Jose would I put up with that, no way!

"Friend, dd1 assumed dd2 was invited to X's party when she agreed to do the make up here. I have no problem at all with her not being invited but there is no way in hell I am having her sit in her own home & watch her friends get done up for a party she is not invited to. So I am I interjecting on dd1's behalf, as you have put her in a terrible position, to say my home is unavailable to you that day"

Cheeky fucking mean bitch

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 30/10/2018 16:15

Exactly as Return of the Smiley Bar says

Original poster
upsideup · 30/10/2018 16:15

I guess theres the tiniest possibility dd is invited but just hasnt been given an invite but they doing something after getting their makeup done (the actually party) and we have no idea what this is, what to wear, what time it finishes etc. Friend or her dd havent mentioned the party to me or dd2 at all, this is all through dd1 so I don't think its likely.

OP posts:
Hisnamesblaine · 30/10/2018 16:16

#Returnofthesmileybar that's perfect

Tiredofit · 30/10/2018 16:16

DD1 needs to let CF friend know that it’s back at her house at the original price or not at all as anything else would be unfair on her sister.

woollyheart · 30/10/2018 16:18

If Dd1 is ok with you intervening, I would send message suggested by @Returnofthesmileybar

It's totally unreasonable to expect you to effectively host part of her dd's party at your house when your dd isn't invited.

Amazingtimes · 30/10/2018 16:18

I would tell your friend that DD1 will have to do the makeup at their house since your DD2 is not invited. This change will also incur an additional fee (as already discussed). Expecting to get a discount from DD1 while excluding your DD2. Hmm Who does that? She is in no position to argue.

Di11y · 30/10/2018 16:21

could you recind the offer of it being at your house as it's not fair on dd2 and insist on the higher price for other venue?

Solenti · 30/10/2018 16:21

Incredibly thoughtless (and tight to negotiating a better deal at your home on TOP of an already discounted price).
So you have to host and clean up after a group of excited kids for less money for DD1 and an upset DD2? No fucking chance.
I would ring or message CF (or DD1 obviously as it's her business) and say the situation has changed and you can no longer host the preparations. I would be tempted to cancel the job altogether, but that may look unprofessional for DD1.
I would be distancing myself from CF from now on.

Original poster
upsideup · 30/10/2018 16:22

I will tell dd1 to say it can't happen here so will have to stick original plan and original price. If she can find other work that day instead or would just rather miss out then I'll give her permission to let my friend down.

OP posts:
HolyMountain · 30/10/2018 16:23

No way would I have these girls at my house and have to take dd2 just to avoid them.

Your friend had taken the massive piss, yes I would interfere absolutely.

Blessthekids · 30/10/2018 16:23

YANBU

Agree with others and cannot understand how your friend could not see why your friend would think this was ok. Very strange indeed.

Genevieva · 30/10/2018 16:24

If you don't want them in. your house say so. There is a big difference between your daughter having one or two adult clients to the house and hosting part of the party. I think she should charge for that, as she will be in loco parentis and there is a chance they will be silly and damage your things. Also, I think your daughter can say that she gave very generous mates rates because she thought her sister would be a guest, but as she isn't she will have to charge the full commercial rate and come to the party girl's house.

Booboostwo · 30/10/2018 16:24

I would ask the friend directly if DD2 is invited just in case there has been some massive mistake, but if not DD1 should call immediately after and cancel everything. Your friend is not just a CF of the greatest order, she is being really mean to your DD2.

Ifoundanacorn · 30/10/2018 16:25

Please just message her, because you know the details if you had the invite and maybe that is the missing link.

This could ruin a perfectly good friendship if it is a simple mistake. Text her now and tell us what the reply is... I just can’t beliebe anyone would be that bloody mean!

Pinkyyy · 30/10/2018 16:26

Stand up for your DD2. She should not be in a position where she has to leave her own home because of the thoughtlessness of someone else. Tell your 'friend' she has been a complete bitch.

Blessthekids · 30/10/2018 16:26
  • Sorry should read:

Agree with others and cannot understand why your friend would think this was ok. Very strange indeed.

Rather than the nonsense above!

Slytherdor · 30/10/2018 16:27

I think your last post was spot on OP. Your daughter can go back and tell your friend that as her sister isn’t invited she can’t host at her house, so will be coming to your friend instead, and the original price will stand.

I would also give your friend a wide berth from now on. Your poor daughters!

Tistheseason17 · 30/10/2018 16:27

Yep - I agree with PPs - check the facts before you lose your sh*t with your friend

If it turns out she IS a massive CF at least you know we will all have your back!

ButchyRestingFace · 30/10/2018 16:28

I definitely don't think friends dd has to invite mine to her party but think it was really rude of friend to ask dd1 to do their makeup and host some of the party at our house if dd2 wasn't invited.

YANBU. Are the other girls mutual friends of your daughter? Sad

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