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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my friend being unreasonable?

259 replies

upsideup · 30/10/2018 15:32

My friend has a dd the same age as dd2(11). They are not best friends and originally only friends through us but hang out without us sometimes now they're older and so far have always been invited to each others parties.

DD1(23) is a makeup artist and my friend asked her if she could do makeup for her daughter and some of her friends before they go to her birthday party. DD1 doesn't normally do parties or kids makeup but because it was for my friend and she assumed dd2 would be there she agreed and offered a discounted price.

Originally dd1 was going to go to friends house in the afternoon to do their makeup before the party. She normally charges less when clients come to her which friend realised and changed the plan to drop her dd and friends round here in the morning and pick them up later asking for the price to be dropped further. DD1 agreed to this and dropped the price because she thought she was doing makeup for her sister so it wouldn't be so bad having and looking after them all at our house.

The invites were handed out last week and dd2 hasn't been invited. DD1 has also been given a list of the girls invited because some of them aren't allowed certain makeup, dd isn't on the list. I definitely don't think friends dd has to invite mine to her party but think it was really rude of friend to ask dd1 to do their makeup and host some of the party at our house if dd2 wasn't invited. We are going to have to take dd2 out somewhere that day so she's not in when her friends are downstairs getting their makeup done for a party she's not going to.
I'm really annoyed my friend didn't consider any of this and am putting off seeing her in case the party is mentioned as I dont know what to day. DD1 can't back out now but wouldnt have agreed to doing it if she knew dd2 wasnt going to be invited.

Do you think my friend is being unreasonable? Or am I and over thinking it?

OP posts:
Kardashianlove · 01/11/2018 13:31

I agree with @buzzlightyearandwoody it would look more professional in this case declining the job.

timeisnotaline · 01/11/2018 13:36

You don't have to take every job that is given in case you ruin your reputation
No but you have to take every job you’ve committed to without a pretty good reason. I think she should do the job (obv not at ops house) and chalk up one for experience.

ZoeZebra1 · 01/11/2018 13:49

Give Dd1 a box of chocolates to give to the host when she goes (the mum) lined with laxatives. Say they have alcohol in so are for her only and not the kids.

buzzlightyearandwoody · 01/11/2018 13:50

If DD1 is worried about confrontation then she could ring up other local make up people and pass the job to them. Then she could ring up mum and tell her she will be sending another person to do the job and give her their details. An idea to share with your DD op if she's worried about cancelling. I think its a sensible solution without causing any upset to your DD2.

buzzlightyearandwoody · 01/11/2018 14:00

She has a good reason to cancel all she has to tell her is the truth what can the mum say. She said to the op she thought about DD2 so she shouldn't be surprised if she declines the job on the basis that it will upset her.

woollyheart · 01/11/2018 14:01

It sounds as if it is reasonably resolved as Dd1 is doing the job at friend's house.

Dd1 has agreed to do the job. Just because her sister isn't invited doesn't make it a conflict of interest. You can't let family ties get mixed up with professional work.

It was very unreasonable when the job was planned to be done at Dd2's home when she has previously been invited to their parties but was being left out for the first time.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/11/2018 14:05

Buzz
But that’s giving work to a competitor and giving ops so called friend reason to rant to all and sundry including potential future clients at how unprofessional ops dd1 is for cancelling. She said to ops face that she booked her for her skills, not her family connections so she will have no qualms at continuing the lie to all and sundry.

The time to refuse the job was at the start citing conflict of interest or refusing to make up a bunch of 11 yos. A commitment is a commitment.

Santaclarita · 01/11/2018 14:10

If I was dd1 I would just send a text the day before to cancel because of an emergency. The friend can then have fun organising plans last minute.

buzzlightyearandwoody · 01/11/2018 14:20

It does make it a conflict of interest because it affects her family and is it worth it for a few measly pounds. It may bring on insecurities in DD2. I'm starting to feel sorry for her now poor kid. There should be no conflict between siblings like this and it may bring one on.

buzzlightyearandwoody · 01/11/2018 14:21

I've handed work out to other businesses she won't lose out.

MadameButterface · 01/11/2018 14:29

jeez I tend to only skim these threads for the op updates and even I know per op's update of 19:39 last night that IT IS NO LONGER HAPPENING AT OP'S HOUSE

I despair of some people's reading comprehension, truly.

buzzlightyearandwoody · 01/11/2018 14:31

Hello Madame I am saying it shouldn't happen at all. She should pass the job on to someone else.

MadameButterface · 01/11/2018 14:42

oh I'm not on about you chuck, there are people still replying frothing about what a way to treat dd2 in her own home and how the party should be elsewhere etc etc etc tho

it drives me spare on big fast. moving threads like this. why do people think that reiterating the exact same thing that 67 other people have said is a good idea anyway, let alone when it's no longer relevant?

Chucky16 · 01/11/2018 18:20

Buzz The only way to go forward is in whatever way dd2 suffers least conflict. You have maybe handed work on, don’t know what type of business you are in, but when someone books a makeup artist they want the one they booked. How can Buzz be so sure she won’t lose out? Can she foretell the future?? No she can’t and has she, or anyone else, like those saying cancel at last minute, take Ill etc. actually thought how that could ruin the other child’s birthday and spoil the party? She doesn’t deserve that, it’s her mother, not her who is in the wrong. More importantly, what are these children going to say when they go into school? Don’t you think dd2 is going to have comments about how her sister let everyone down??? In one stroke dd1 is now the bad one in all this and dd2 could suffer a lot of nasty jibes.

Wisefox · 02/11/2018 01:03

Don't take your daughter out of the house at the time- that is unnecessary. It's her house too which is why it's so awful of your friend to have done this- as she wpuld know she would be there.

Leave her in there, and let her watch it all. And have your eldest DD keep mentioning that the two of them will have a special makeup sleepover starting straight after! This will work wonders to make the others a little jealous- that's what they deserve!

And if your DD1 agrees, this will make ypur younger one feel like she's got her own, better, plans anyway.

Janus · 02/11/2018 10:03

My word, looking at your update that your daughter isn’t invited and your ‘friend’ assumed your daughter would be ok as she was probably used to having clients in the house, wtf?! Have you seen your ‘friend’? I wouldn’t know what to say to be honest.

Nanasueathome · 02/11/2018 10:38

The OP has already stated that the session is NOT taking place at her house

Janus · 02/11/2018 11:05

I’ve seen that, I’m asking how she feels that her friend had assumed she would be ok with her doing that though. I’d be so angry that she thought it would be ok for her daughter to see them all get ready.

buzzlightyearandwoody · 02/11/2018 17:55

Chucky don’t you realise the party mum is already taking the piss out of them. That will rub of on to her daughter and then she will take the piss out of DD2. That’s how bullying starts party mum knows op won’t say no she’s to soft.

Business aside do you honestly think I will allow anyone to take the piss out of me and my family. I bring up my children to work hard and be proud and never be a mug to no one. No one should give in to fear.

Chucky16 · 02/11/2018 22:16

Yes Buzz. I know the mum is taking the piss!! This is a pretty impossible situation. However can’t YOU see that cancelling at the last minute is very unprofessional!! I am sure the mother would make sure that she lets as many people as possible know dd1 is unreliable. I am also sure it would be put across that dd1 was in the huff because her sister wasn’t invited, not very professional either!!! Many other mums, again who don’t know the full story, will think that this was really unfair on party girl, bad publicity for dd1. Dd1 is now the bad one in many people’s eyes, remember not everyone will know the real story, definitely not good for business!!
You say the party girl will take the piss out of dd2 if her sister does the makeup? Do you seriously think that if dd1 let’s them down, that this will not have repercussions for dd2 at school. The story at school will go along the lines of your sister let us down and tried to ruin the party because you weren’t invited, not good for dd2!! That’s how bullying starts!

buzzlightyearandwoody · 03/11/2018 09:40

She doesn't do party makeup its not part of her business plan. Party mums daughter probably doesn't like her why else is she not invited. The bullying has already started. I would have stamped on that immediately and shamed the party mum in the play ground. I've done it myself where I had to shame someone in public over bullying it never happened again. They are now nice to me and my family although the mum cant look me in the face.

I would have turned to DD1 and told her she has no ambition about she wants to do party makeup and upset her sister. She should be studying some more so she can go and work for the BBC and do their makeup.

Havaina · 03/11/2018 10:02

🤦🏻‍♀️

Chucky16 · 03/11/2018 11:06

Buzz what exactly would you have stamped on? What exactly would you have shamed the party mum on? What bullying has already started (not getting an invite is not bullying)? So, if it were you you would have accosted the party mum in the playground and accused her of bullying because your dd didn’t get an invite to her dd’s party... think I know who the bully is!!!!!!

buzzlightyearandwoody · 03/11/2018 12:01

Chucky of course I'm going to bring it up in front of others why wouldn't I. It wouldn't take much to embarrass the parent. A few words in public of lily didn't get an invite but my daughter is doing the makeup and watch her dig herself out of a hole. The other parents would be shocked and party mum embarrassed job done. You see a parent who defends their child as accosting. You don't have to be confrontational to challenge someone and I weren't confrontational I told them to grow up and they know what they did is wrong. If you allow it once they will do it again.

buzzlightyearandwoody · 03/11/2018 12:27

I confronted the mothers son because he was throwing food and banana skins on his vehicle. My partner told me nothing and it was going on for quite a while. The mum smiled and said hello when ever she saw me I had no idea what she thought of me. I had to tell him to stop and to grow up we drive our children around in that car. He is 18 years old he should know better. I didn't call him racist I told him to stop. My partner did not tell me at first and I would never have thought them to be racist.

The op has nothing to lose and she doesn't know what they think of her. She is the only one who can defend her daughter.