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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my friend being unreasonable?

259 replies

upsideup · 30/10/2018 15:32

My friend has a dd the same age as dd2(11). They are not best friends and originally only friends through us but hang out without us sometimes now they're older and so far have always been invited to each others parties.

DD1(23) is a makeup artist and my friend asked her if she could do makeup for her daughter and some of her friends before they go to her birthday party. DD1 doesn't normally do parties or kids makeup but because it was for my friend and she assumed dd2 would be there she agreed and offered a discounted price.

Originally dd1 was going to go to friends house in the afternoon to do their makeup before the party. She normally charges less when clients come to her which friend realised and changed the plan to drop her dd and friends round here in the morning and pick them up later asking for the price to be dropped further. DD1 agreed to this and dropped the price because she thought she was doing makeup for her sister so it wouldn't be so bad having and looking after them all at our house.

The invites were handed out last week and dd2 hasn't been invited. DD1 has also been given a list of the girls invited because some of them aren't allowed certain makeup, dd isn't on the list. I definitely don't think friends dd has to invite mine to her party but think it was really rude of friend to ask dd1 to do their makeup and host some of the party at our house if dd2 wasn't invited. We are going to have to take dd2 out somewhere that day so she's not in when her friends are downstairs getting their makeup done for a party she's not going to.
I'm really annoyed my friend didn't consider any of this and am putting off seeing her in case the party is mentioned as I dont know what to day. DD1 can't back out now but wouldnt have agreed to doing it if she knew dd2 wasnt going to be invited.

Do you think my friend is being unreasonable? Or am I and over thinking it?

OP posts:
SeaGreenSeaGlass · 30/10/2018 20:19

Of course you don't have to mention DD2 at all. DD1 could just reply saying that now she's seen the numbers, she realised it won't be possible to do the makeup in her own home, but that she's still available to come to the party girl's home at £x rate.

That way it doesn't mention "because DD2 isn't invited", so it's maybe easier.

SeaGreenSeaGlass · 30/10/2018 20:20

I think the idea that DD2 is invited but didn't receive an invitation, and birthday girl didn't mention it, is highly unlikely.

1CantPickAName · 30/10/2018 20:22

Am I the only one who sees that all the assumptions were made by DD1 and the friends mum might not have given DD2 a thought at all? Don’t fall out unless you are certain that she deliberately misled DD1, just say sorry cat use my house, no longer convenient

ZenNudist · 30/10/2018 21:41

I keep the drama to an absolute minimum. Either you or dd1 text your friend now and just say very sorry can't do this after all something has come up. Telling her now so that she's got time to sort something else out.

If the friend gets the hump sod her. Possibly if she went on about it or put you on the spot it would be acceptable then to say that you didn't think much of her bargaining your dd1 down to a cut-throat rate and excluding her sister at the same time whilst cheerfully making use of your house to host her daughter's party. I'd only Shame her if I absolutely had to.

ShakeMe · 30/10/2018 22:05

That's not CF that's just pure nasty.

I'd definitely tell her there's no problem with dd2 not being invited but it's mean and unnecessary to have it at your house and rub her face in it so it will need to be moved to her house.

Spotsandstars · 30/10/2018 22:06

Am I the only one that thinks it's odd that a group of young girls would go round to a strangers house for a makeup party? Presumably not all the girls know you. Why didn't she just pay the extra to hold it in her own home. That's a weird set up, I would not be ok with that.

SawnUpLooRoll · 30/10/2018 22:28

Weird.

Letsgetreadytorumba · 30/10/2018 22:33

I wouldn’t be as polite as some of the other posters. She is a CF.

NoTeaForMe · 31/10/2018 08:31

Have you messaged your friend OP?

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 31/10/2018 08:37

Wow what a cow

DarklyDreamingDexter · 31/10/2018 08:47

Asking for favours, mates rates and excluding your DD2!.... No way! You have to knock this on the head! CF and a thoughtless cow to boot.

MrsJane · 31/10/2018 09:21

That's so cheeky and so mean!! Your poor dd2!

I'd be honest with your friend. Clarify she's actually not invited first, which is fine, but it definitely can't be done at your house as it's not fair for dd2 to have her nose rubbed in it all. She shouldn't be forced to get out of the way?!

And expecting your dd1 to look after all of the girls while the mum saunters off is cheeky too! This woman has such a nerve!

RavenLG · 31/10/2018 09:28

If avoid just cancelling if your DD1 has a social media business. CF friend could start a negative review storm with the other kids parents depending on how vintictive she was feeling. I would definitely text CF and say while DD1 has no problem doing the make up, she agreeed assuming DD2 would be invited but since she isn’t, it’s obviously awful for all her friends to be invited to her house to get ready for a party she isn’t invited to. CF will need to host her.

Stompythedinosaur · 31/10/2018 09:40

You can't possibly have a party at your house that dd2 isn't invited to.

What is dd1's point of view? If she doesn't want to do it I would just cancel, if she does it will have to be at their house.

TrickyD · 31/10/2018 09:55

Am I the only one that thinks it's odd that a group of young girls would go round to a strangers house for a makeup party?

No, you are not alone, Spotsandstars. Furthermore, I find the whole idea of makeup for 11year olds most unpleasant.

Xiaoxiong · 31/10/2018 10:09

I'd just assume DD2 is invited and text to ask about timings for the second part of the party and when to pick DD2 up.

You'll quickly find out if it was just assumed that of course DD2 is invited so left off the lists of makeup if she texts back with pickup times. Or, if she says "oh sorry DD2 isn't invited", you'll have your answer.

I'm a bit  at a makeup party for 11 year olds, but that's beside the point!

HannahnotAgnes · 31/10/2018 10:12

If your DD2 isn't invited, then I think your friend is extremely nasty.

Your eldest DD should definitely message to say she can no longer do the make up at yours. Just horrible of your supposed friend.

It baffles me why anyone would behave this way?

BumsexAtTheBingo · 31/10/2018 10:15

Eldest dd can ‘be sick’ if she wants to cancel. No-one can complain about someone being genuinely ill. It’s a win win. Make up artist dd doesn’t have to do a job she doesn’t really want to do, cf mother doesn’t get to be a cheeky fucker and youngest dd gets her house for the day.

mama17 · 31/10/2018 10:21

That's awful. I would be telling your friend that no it's not fair for the girls to come to ur house whilst your daughter is left out in her own house! I can't believe that she would arrange that. Fair enough if ur daughter wasn't invited but when it's getting done jn your house I would be fuming. You need to tell your so called friend what an awful thing to do

Aeroflotgirl · 31/10/2018 10:38

Op have you had that talk with your 'friend'. REally, either the make up takes place at the friend's house or it is off, out of respect for your dd. It is her home as well, and a place she should feel happy and safe in. Not have to put up with a party in it, that she is not invited to, and having her face rubbed in, it is not fair. The' friend' is very mean to suggest this.

cheesefield · 31/10/2018 10:54

Tbh i'd tell DD1 to contact the DM and say very sorry, something has come up and she is now unable to do it.

If the DM asks why DD1 should simply say it's private.

Thislife2018 · 31/10/2018 11:46

No way should you be hosting this at your home. DD1 needs to inform CF that she will be unable to have the children at home and therefore the original price applies. End of.

GemmeFatale · 31/10/2018 12:02

Hi CF. On the subject of the party makeup. I agreed to help you out even though I don’t normally work with under 18’s and offered a substantial discount on my quote as I understood our families to be friends. Given that DD2 hasn’t been invited to the party I can now see that isn’t the case and won’t be able to do this favour for someone who is just an aquaintance as it wouldn’t be in my best business interests. Hope you manage to find someone else. Best wishes DD1.

klondike555 · 31/10/2018 12:37

This is mind boggling nasty.

If I was DD1, I'd cancel outright, out of family loyalty. But, if she is still determined to go through with it, I'd make sure it was at the party house and at full rate.

"Dear CF, it is no longer possible to host the makeup session at my house, nor offer the associated discounted rate. If you would still like to go ahead at your house/other location, at the standard rate, please let me know by X time" (24 hours at the most, so she's not stringing you along). And then pray CF decides to cancel!

Either way, I'd never speak to CF woman again. This would definitely be a friendship breaker for me.

MrDonut · 31/10/2018 12:52

But, it was all assumptions on DD1's part. That was wrong of her.

The mum was thoughtless and didn't think about DD's feelings, but it's a business deal. She hired DD1 and offered to pay her the rate she was quoted. The mum didn't know that DD1 had only agreed to do it assuming that DD2 was invited.

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