EW being unreasonable...

[exwifehell]

Met my DF three years after separation. Reasonably amicable between the two until she realised we were dating. Cue cutting contact with my DF and his DC for three months. Court cases. Refusal to follow court orders. Abuse to us and untrue allegations on social media. All while DF acts appropriately for the sake of the children.

I love my SC greatly. We both do. My own family have even paid for them to come on holidays with us that their mother hasn't allowed.

Anyway, I fall pregnant a few years later. Even more abuse to my DF saying he should leave me, on social media saying how the baby shouldn't be born etc etc.

We never speak a bad word to the kids, all positive and encourage them to take cakes or whatever they've made home for their mum. Basically doing all we can to create a nice environment. Their mother stands at the door and has on occasion screamed abused at my DF while they've been in the car.

It has now escalated to us having to cancel our wedding as she is still refusing to sign the clean break. She is also now dragging my child into this stating the children dislike her bla bla bla. We know this as untrue as the kids actively seek her out. Spend time with her, refuse offers of going out without her etc.

This has all caused us a great deal of stress and hurt.

After years of saying nothing, and granted depression may have been leading me. I ended up sending her a polite message saying how much we love the kids and to please stop as it is all too much. That it was unfair to drag my daughter into her spite just to hurt my DF when all we do is love and care for the SC. I did end up calling her a jealous cow. Probably not the best move. I also ended up sending her a view photos and videos of the children with their sister to prove they were happy.

How unreasonable was I being? Ii know I should have stayed out of it all. I'm just hurting. All we all want is to move on and be happy. We speak to the kids to ask how they feel about everything and always show we are open to any feelings they have. Ii just don't know what to do anymore.

I lost my pregnancy joy through her being a cow all the way through. I lost the joy of habing her as it just hurt she refused to let the kids meet her for weeks. And now we've lost our wedding. Not to mention the cost of it all.

I'm heartbroken and just generally broken. I'm on so much medication now. How on earth do we move forward from all of this while staying intact? It's reached the point that I wish I could just walk away. But I love my DF and SC so much and would miss them greatly. Not to mention I don't want to do that to my baby.

I just hate how my daughter is now being used as a weapon and whats worse is I know she won't stop doing so as she knows it gets to us.

I’ve not RTFT because this stopped me in my tracks.

There should not be a locked door between those kids and the adults in the house in case of fire. It's a definitely safety and safeguarding issue.

Yet, further up the thread you suggest locking the baby in a room on its own and for OP to go in and out to tend to it. Giant you’re either spectacularly stupid or a really shit troll.

I was trying to point out to the op how unfair she was being - if it's good for her step children why should she not do it for her own dc.

But the thread has moved on.

At one point even tried getting him back, messages I have seen

yes, this happened to me too. she called him and asked him when this "phase" would end, and when exactly was he going to move in and marry her? we had been together 2 years at this point.

honestly, I find the "ignore ignore ignore" method the best. She kicks off, ignore it. If your partner needs to speak to her, ignore the kicking off and keep on the point.

if she tries to fuck up your plans, act as if you're not bothered. Oh ok, so the kids cant come, that's a shame, we will re arrange for next weekend and go and do something anyway. Its her fault they miss out not yours.

if she acts out in front of the kids we usually said something like "oh mummy is just upset right now but she will be fine soon" even though we full well knew it was bullshit.

just be the bigger person, as much as you want to tell the mad bitch she's awful, its not worth it.

every time we get something new she used to demand more money, "well if you can afford a car you can afford to pay more maintenance"

funnily enough she pays us the minimum and contributes to nothing else.

I still get annoyed but I just remind myself its jealousy. Nothing you can do about someone else being jealous!

That would be because my own dc is a newborn. If I were to have another the same would happen with her.

Flaming - DP ex demanded if he could pay for court he could give her money instead! What is with these women?!

I do tend to ignore, but when its plans as big as weddings and the like it's hard to not get depressed by it all. I do need to learn to just shut down from it all though as I am getting in a very bad way with my depression now.

I just want us all to be a happy family. SC included. Without the ex always ruining everything purely out of spite.

I was trying to point out to the op how unfair she was being - if it's good for her step children why should she not do it for her own dc

no you weren't, you were just having a go.

honestly exwifehell some people are just bitter.

I completely understand when it comes to weddings etc, I think if me and dp ever get married she will probably turn up in all honestly. She still isn't over it, we have been together 6 years!

its difficult because in an ideal world she wouldn't have a clue that the wedding is happening, but when kids are involved its near on impossible.

Exactly Flaming. After reading the rest of the thread that’s very clear.

There really are some crazy people in the world.
Forget about the locked door it’s a non issue.

The EW does not get to dictate anything that happens during contact with the non resident parent unless the court order says so.
We weren’t allowed to take the SC out of the house, public toilets were a major issue for the Ex, use of one without physically holding the SC above the seat was punishable by with holding visitation for at least a week. Has anyone tried holding a 6yr old over a toilet seat while they poo?

We went back to court so many times but the courts can’t change crazy and wouldn’t deal with it. She had all the cards.

Only had peace when she had poisoned the SC with her spite and bitterness and we stopped seeing them.

Flaming- I hope for your sake that doesn't happen.

Thanks to both you and raven for actually listening to what I am saying rather than assuming the worst purely because I'm a step mum.

It is a very hard role to have. The loving the kids part is the easy and enjoyable bit. The rest that follows unless you have a decent ex partner is a nightmare. Which is sad. For the DC concerned the nicest outcome would be for all to get along. Not using them as weapons and finding false faults.

Christ we don't always get it right but me and DF mean well. If there were actual issues we would both be more than happy to sit down and discuss it all to resolve it for the DC.

But theres a reason she tells him never to even mention it to them. Because it isn't true. If it was they wouldn't bug her to come here. Why would they bug her to come somewhere that makes them so miserable?

Screaming, the toilet thing sounds ridiculous! We once had her screaming on speaking phone (DP was driving and she knew she was on it) in front of the SC about what a bad parent he was purely for letting them have McDonalds.

She also has a tracker on the eldest phone which has caused sc many anxiety attacks when its low on battery and we are out or she forgets it.

I really hope she never posions them against us. It's a big worry for me. We love them dearly and I want my dd to have a bond and love with her siblings.

You will never beat her so try not to worry about her as stupid as that sounds. She is a bully and she thrives of the fact she is hurting you all. Try and ignore her as much as possible she sounds very unhinged and angry. Your doing the best you can and more so. She will be the one who ends up with fuck all and will push her own kids away, people like that only end up going one way and it's not a nice one

She also has a tracker on the eldest phone

ooh, she just went up a notch on the batshit crazy ex level - isn't DSD only 10yrs old? An excuse to stalk what you guys do together.

I'd be leaving phone at home or switching off to drive her to distraction!

You know my current BF has a tracker thing on his DD phone and I've told him to get it off that it's intrusive to what she's doing with her mum when she's there and that I'd hate it. Believe it or not, we are on a shoogly nail over it.

(I found out at the weekend just past, I didn't realise he did that)

You just have to rise above it.

It got to the point where my DH was seriously concerned about the grilling his children were getting after each visit. An hour or so after dropping them home he would get a shitty text or phone call because of something we had or hadn’t done the way she expected. It wasn’t healthy at all.
She blocked contact for 3 years and when the contact resumed it was impossible, they were so poisoned and our own DC were suffering, rude language, vile comments about me etc. We offered options every contact. Just time with dad, time with dad and me or family time. We tried so hard but the damage was done and now eldest Sc is legally and adult and we are just waiting for the day they come back of their own accord.
Ex is still a bitter shrew, she still slags DH off to everyone, I wasn’t the OW either. She has married and has other DC’s.
I feel sorry for her, she can’t be happy with her life as she still has so much hate for DH.

The CMS is a joke, they expect parents to talk reasonably about payments but don’t recognise that in some situations this will never happen.
The court process to get what you already have enforced is so draining emotionally and financially.

She is. It's very sad to see and has caused issues she was sweet enough to open up to me about when it happened on SM. Thankfully she knows she can talk to us with no fear of repercussions. Whem addressed with the mother df got nothing but rage. We have tried getting her to leave it at home or not to worry about if the battery is low (offering our phones to play a game on incase that's why) nd it's never enough. If it does lose charge df will get abuse from.the mother about why the phone is off. A phone she isn't even allowed at home. Very clearly a way to stalk us and control us.

We do our very best to rise above it. Around the kids I can manage it. But the moment they leave I just break again. Same with my df. As I said if it wasnt affecting us it wouldn't be such a big deal and easy to ignore her stuff. We've done so for years. But now we are seeing the kids being affected, that the relationship between them and their dad has a mother behind it doing her best to replace him. And then weddings, birth of my daughter etc. All firsts for me that got taken over by her shit.

Screaming - Df gets abuse within the hour of dropping them off for something or other. Sometimes closer to the ten minute mark. The kids visibly get upset on the way home. Its very sad.

Agree it's a joke when you have court orders in place and then they are just ignored. All the relevant steps have already been taken to show the kids are okay. That should be the end of it. We really thought it would be for us once my DF came home from being told he got what he wanted.

She went even allow him Christmas with the kids. In six years. Cos she would miss them. It's a joke
They have TWO parents.

OP there are some absolutely batshit posters on here who won’t be happy until you agree to leave your DF, taking your interloping baby with you, so that he can focus on his first wife again. I can well imagine what they are like to deal with as co-parents.

Ignore them. Don’t lock your newborn in a cupboard, or have your cats put down. Step back from her, and in a couple of years the children will be old enough to arrange contact for themselves. Their DM will have to dial her behaviour back then, or the only relationship she’ll damage is her own with them.

Fingers crossed. She has seen such a thing happen multiple times already and it I'm honest I think that's what scares her. So she does her best to push DF out so he is no longer a "threat" in her eyes

Stay strong

You’ve taken a battering for no reason I can see here. You’re doing your best-yes a slight mistake with the lock but you’ve already said countless times already that you will think of an alternative solution. Just look after yourself at this time plus your DD and the SC when you have them and try and block out all the rest. Don’t give her head space as then she wins. Block her everywhere so you don’t have to see posts and she can communicate via your DF only.

Screaming? Only if you take the call.

Don’t engage on any level unless by text, stick to times of pick up/drop off and don’t deviate

Starve the drama- takes a while but works eventually

When are you likely to get this into court?

I agree with the others who say to ignore it as much as possible. Really difficult. But you can't reason with her. She's deeply jealous and any reaction will fuel it.

If your partner has a contact order in place then it's a very simple thing to take it back to court if his ex is not following the contact order. Why would he allow all of this nonsense to keep happening? So now it's KFC and MacDonalds? I would be really unimpressed with him having the DCs 2 nights out of 14 and feeding them such crap, if it's a regular occurrence. I agree with the locked door comments but you have obviously taken this on board already OP.

Don’t get Dear Fiancé and Dear Father mixed up when reading the OP. Confused the hell out of me 😂