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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Will my son go to prison?

307 replies

MrsPortious · 28/10/2018 17:03

DS is 17. He has been arrested before for assault but it was dealt with by youth justice serve so officially not charged.

Early this week, he was arrested for affect. An unprovoked attack on an unknown male, caught in CCTV, where he was seen kicking him over 20 times in the head and face. Unknown male has not come forward. Behind the scenes, DS was already being investigated for threats of arson and threats to kill.
Solicitor says it has prison written all over it. I can’t get my head around that. He’s currently released without bail pending further enquiries.

Will he go to prison?

I’ve tried so hard to get him help. Have referred him to social devices, drug counselling, Cahms ... cahms are the only ones still involved.

I’m just stuck in limbo now waiting for a court date. I have no support and it’s killing me. His father was supposed to be having him this weekend but “something came up”. I don’t get the opportunity of “something coming up”. I have it 24/7.

The CCTV is so sickening, it’s the kind of thing that will go viral on Facebook if the press gets hold of it. DS cares not one bit. When solicitor told him it could be a prison sentence, he didn’t react at all. Solicitor rang me the next day to say he’d never seen such a violence assault and he’d never known such an emotionless response from the offender.

Will my Christmas Day involve me signing into the visitors book at HMP? I have nobody to talk to about this.

OP posts:
FluffySox · 28/10/2018 18:10

I'm sorry your son has put you through this OP and I hope that he does go to prison and gets the help he needs to get his life back on track.

My thoughts also with the victim. I think your son needs to consider that the reason the man may not have come forward is that he could be lying unconscious, or worse, somewhere undiscovered.

SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo · 28/10/2018 18:10

OP - I've sent you a PM.

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 28/10/2018 18:12

You sound like a caring mum Flowers
I hope he gets the help he needs that you have been trying to get for him for so long, and that no one else gets hurt in the process.

hmmwhatatodo · 28/10/2018 18:12

Goodness op, your head must be spinning (even more so now). I’m sorry for all the unhelpful posts. I know someone in a similar situation and it’s really hard when the child in question won’t engage and try to turn things around (though it does sound like your child has undiagnosed issues). I just wanted to wish you the best and hope you get help to deal with it all. Did School never want to have him assessed for anything? I’m surprised.

Bluelorry · 28/10/2018 18:12

How long had he been like this?

emmcan · 28/10/2018 18:13

Affray? Yep, definite custodial.

BigRoundPumpkin · 28/10/2018 18:18

This might sound like a stupid question, but has he said why he did it? Was it someone who abused him when he was young (that might be a reason for the lack of remorse) or something similar? Or was it a stranger? Was he high on crack?

When did he start acting this way or has he always been challenging?

I really feel for you OP (and also for the victim and also for your son who will now never get a decent job as a result of his record)

What a horrible situation for all of you :( The victim especially Flowers

Mondaytired · 28/10/2018 18:18

Hmmm he’s 17? Maybe not... depends on his previous, referral order? Intensive supervision and surveillance? If he’s done these..then yes the likelihood is strong... if not then ISS is an alternative to custody these days for young people.
Speak to his youth justice worker / officer, they will be more realistic about what will happen.

Original poster
MrsPortious · 28/10/2018 18:19

I’m sorry if I don’t answer everyone’s questions. I will try. At school he was on school action plus. Then taken off it at secondary school (and instead, put in isolation constantly). I don’t care about Christmas Day, it was an example of the thoughts going through my head. I have another son who is at university and has never been in trouble so I’m not a shit parent. I asked DS how he would feel if the guy turned up dead somewhere (his shoes have been convisgated for incase this happens). He said robotically “I’d feel bad”.
I don’t know what to say. Nobody will help me.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/10/2018 18:20

I damn well hope he does and for a long time. Its a terrifying thought that
he's walking the streets. If it were up to me I wouldn't have even let him out on Bail. If he's got no feat of going to prison what is stopping him from from hurting someone else
Howber with onlynbeing 17 won't he ho to young offender place. I think theyre there uñtil they're 21 if if I'm not mistaken. Then after that I think he needs at leaSt a 10 year tough stretch in a adult prison.
Let's twist it around a minute if it had been your son kicked like that or someone was threatening him you rightly expect them to go to prison
.
Pne thing I do want to say though is that it seaops though your post that you have been or rather are a lovong nurturing supportive mum. Who is doing their best

Ruby55n · 28/10/2018 18:21

In response to AnnieAnoniMouse's comment about this OP's son's victim, I think that it is unfair to try and tarnish the family of the offender with your remarks. It was not the lady who is worried about her son going to prison who kicked the victim - so often, the whole family and any other friends or relatives get the blame for someone else's wrongdoing. We should not judge innocent people.

Ragwort · 28/10/2018 18:22

There are some horribly sanctimious and judgemental comments on this thread, yes of course we would sympathise with the victim but this is a mother who is in despair of her own child’s behaviour. This could be anyone’s son, I have a teenage DS and I hope that he never ends up in trouble but I just don’t know what might happen in the future.

I have a friend who’s son ended up in prison for serious sex offences, the father committed suicide due to the shame of the case. Her other son is a lovely, charming young man so it cannot be the way he was raised. When he was released from prison she took him home because, as she said, ‘where could he live, he would only end up with similar ex offenders.

There is shockingly little support for troubled youngsters, I volunteer with homeless young men, there. Is nothing to offer them apart from what the volunteer (mainly church based, which I know Mumsnetters sneer at) organisations try to offer.

OP, I am very, very sorry for your situation, I hope you BOTH get the support you need.

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 28/10/2018 18:22

OP I honestly don't think it will be youth services this time. For an offence this serious at 17 he will likely be tried as an adult. As for prison, yes almost definitely and we are talking years, not months.

confusedmomm · 28/10/2018 18:22

What's his relationship with your other son like?

Jux · 28/10/2018 18:22

So sorry for you MrsP. You need rl support, I'm not sure there's much available, but could you see your gp and ask?

Ruby55n · 28/10/2018 18:23

Oh, for goodness sake! Please jump off your sanctimonious bandwagon!

BumsexAtTheBingo · 28/10/2018 18:24

Has he said why? Was he on drugs?
What does he want to do with his life? I assume he doesn’t want to spend it in prison for murder.
As a parent I think all you can do is get him the best therapy and help him find something lawful he can succeed and have pride in so he has no wish to go down the wrong path again.

Audreyhelp · 28/10/2018 18:24

I think you will have a better Christmas with him inside. At least you won’t have to worry about what he is doing or the police knocking. It sounds like he may have an addiction he will get more help with that in prison than on the outside.
Hope it sorts for you and please don’t blame yourself for your son ,

Cheeeeislifenow · 28/10/2018 18:24

Sorry Op. This is my fear for my 13 year of. He has PDA/autism and this is my biggest fear, people dot understand how hard it is to get help for troubled young men, especially when they are unwilling to engage. I'm sorry Op but maybe you need this break as well. Look at supporting yourself now as much as you can.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 28/10/2018 18:25

You don’t need a private psychiatrist if CAMHS has been involved,was a psych assessment undertaken?did he see a psychiatrist or psychologist?

Did CAMHS offer any advice or diagnosis? Did they aoofer assessments or discharge to GP for follow up?

pre-sentecing would include any MH factors if they were present
It could be that there is no psychiatric reason,no MH factors and it was inappropriate and/or impulsive behaviours. Not all inappropriate or unexplained behaviour is rooted in mental health.

Him appearing nonplussed likely to be denial and bravado. Or can of articulate how he’s feeling,or is minimising events

Mondaytired · 28/10/2018 18:25

Also Has he had a SALT assessment ? Is her under Cahms?

penisbeakers · 28/10/2018 18:27

I'd prepare yourself for the likelihood he will be incarcerated.

Starlive23 · 28/10/2018 18:27

I think so OP, I'd be astonished if not. I hope you have someone to talk to IRL, it sounds like an awful situation for you to be in. I hope your son gets the help he needs Flowers

BumsexAtTheBingo · 28/10/2018 18:28

And of course people’s primary sympathy is going to be with the victim. The man could be lying dead in a ditch for all we know and he is also someone’s son. Possibly a father too. His family might not have the luxury of worrying about where he will be at Christmas.

TidyDancer · 28/10/2018 18:28

Is there anybody that your DS respects that could spend some time with him now? I'm afraid I don't know the likelihood of a custodial sentence but I feel for you. It sounds like a sentence of some kind may be the best thing for your DS. It must be a horrible time for you.