Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to take this child to school?

748 replies

EveryoneButSam · 28/10/2018 11:56

My dd is in a class with a girl who lives on our street, let’s call her May. May’s mum has a long term illness which makes it very difficult for her to get up and moving in the morning, so she can’t do the morning school run. Up until about a month ago May was being taken to school by her much older sister, but the sister has now got a different job and moved away.

May’s mum asked if I would take her to school up until half term. I agreed, although with a bit of trepidation as although I didn’t mind doing it for a few weeks I couldn’t see how May’s mum was going to be able to find a different solution. And guess what, she hasn’t, and has now asked if I can carry on until Christmas. But again, I don’t see a solution for after then!

I feel awful for not wanting to commit to this but I really don’t. Not indefinitely. It’s not even as if it’s putting me out that much, May is only a couple of doors down so walks herself over here and is usually on time. Apart from a couple of incidences where she’s not stopped where she should have she’s not much of a bother. I just find it an annoyance - if we’re ready a bit early we have to wait, I have to chat to an extra (chatty) child early in the morning when I’m not really at my chattiest Smile. Which I was happy to put up with to help someone out for a few weeks but not forever!

So AIBU really is am I being a total bitch and should just suck it up? If not, how do I get out of it or at least put a deadline on it? I know I could just do the “that doesn’t work for me” but when May’s mum knows I’m walking that way every day anyway that just seems really rude.

For further clarification, May and her mum are both nice friendly people but neither dd or I are particularly friends with either and we’ve not had a history of helping each other out really.

OP posts:
Chillyegg · 28/10/2018 12:01

Yes YABU poor mays mum and poor May. Sounds like they have a really hard time of it and if it literally doesn’t put you out then I really don’t see the issue. I think you need to think if the boot was on the other foot you would be really greatful for the help.

AjasLipstick · 28/10/2018 12:02

I find this sort of thing very difficult. On the one hand, it's no bother really. You're not going out of your way and it's nice to support neighbours but on the other hand, that time is your and DD's time....why shouldn't you and DD have it to yourselves?

How old is May?

Bananacloud · 28/10/2018 12:02

In my opinion, she’s taking the piss. But I feel sorry for the little girl :(

Thisreallyisafarce · 28/10/2018 12:03

I think you're being quite selfish. What's the big deal?

Caroelle · 28/10/2018 12:04

You are probably going to get a pasting on here for being selfish. In these circumstances I would be agreeing to do this, I know that it is nice to have time alone with your child on the way to school, but I bet May’s mum would like to do that rather living with a debilitating illness. I expect that May likes to know that she will get to school in the morning rather than worry that her mum won’t be well enough to take her. As you say, she’s not a difficult child. Just see this as your contribution to ensuring that May gets an education.

Booboostwo · 28/10/2018 12:04

This is a chance for you to do a kind thing at little or no cost to yourself. If May is too chatty in the morning ask her to tone it down. You could say no, but why not just be helpful to someone who really needs it especially when it doesn’t cost you anything?

Bananacloud · 28/10/2018 12:04

If mays mum isnt able to do morning, maybe she can pick them up from school and give you a little break.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 28/10/2018 12:05

Sounds like it'll solve your problem - let the two chatty kids chat and you can walk along with some noise cancelling headphones on.

Soubriquet · 28/10/2018 12:05

It’s not like you have to walk 10 minutes in the other directions is it?

She’s there at your doorstep ready

Ywbu if you refused

It’s helping and you never know when it might come in handy and she can reciprocate in an emergency. Maybe not in the morning but in the evening

Starlight345 · 28/10/2018 12:06

I get what you are saying . I would be asking what her long term solution is as if in reception I wouldn’t want to be doing it for the next 5 years

SputnikBear · 28/10/2018 12:07

YANBU. It’s not massively putting you out but it is an obligation. Perhaps you should be “busy” for a few weeks and temporarily put your DD in breakfast club - sorry, not able to take May to school as you’re going earlier. Or your DD might be “off sick”. Or start cycling on a two-seat tandem.

Who brings her home? Can they not take her too? What happens if your DD is absent from school?

WorraLiberty · 28/10/2018 12:07

I think it's one of those things I'd just suck up and be grateful it's not me who has a long term illness.

In the grand scheme of things it does sound a bit annoying for you, but really not a big enough deal to refuse.

How old is May?

sausagerole · 28/10/2018 12:07

Hmm... I'm all for good boundaries and not taking on other people's problems but if she's genuinely ill, has little support and it barely puts you out then I'd struggle to think that's valid reason not to. If she does the afternoon school run, could you see if she could bring your DD home?

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/10/2018 12:07

Well you don't have to do anything you don't want to. And nor should you feel you have to. At some point they will have to figure something out. For when your dd leaves or you move away or your dd is off sick.

But

Personally I'd do it. If I wasnt having to go out of my way and the child was well behaved.

But that's me. I don't think you would be in the wrong deciding not to. Even with a well behaved child it can be hard work sometimes. And sometimes these things end up evolving into something elsewhich you originally didn't sign up for.

I do think it's a bad idea to be reliant on favours though. I hope vetween services something can be sorted out for her . How awful

Knittedfairies · 28/10/2018 12:07

How does May get home? Honestly when I couldn’t do the morning school run, my neighbours stepped in, and I was extremely grateful. They literally had to walk past my house on their way to school so I don’t think it was a burden to them, but I did all the afternoon pick-ups.

Iwantplaits · 28/10/2018 12:08

In this instance I would do it until Christmas and probably do it after. Sounds like May and her mum have pretty tough times. he they aren't being CF's.
I think if I like them I would be volunteering to do The school run and be happy to help out.

Has she got cover if your daughter is off sick from school?

How old is the daughter? Likely to be walking to school alone in the near future?

ihearttc · 28/10/2018 12:08

Id ask yourself if you suddenly found yourself ill and unable to the school run would you appreciate someone helping you...if the answer is yes then YABU.

cheesefield · 28/10/2018 12:08

How far is it to school?

Racecardriver · 28/10/2018 12:08

It’s a bit unreasonable that this bothers you so much. I could understand if she was making you late or her mother didn’t actually need the help. I suppose the only irritation is that the mother isn’t upfront with you but I suppose she may feel embarrassed asking for help.

Amallamard · 28/10/2018 12:09

Oh that it hard. It's one of those things that doesn't sound like it should be that big a deal for you to do but in reality it does get very wearing. OTOH the Mum is ill and needs help, she's not just someone who is taking the P for no good reason. Where's the girl's Dad in this scenario?

Flywheel · 28/10/2018 12:09

I think it's a bit sad that you will not do this very small thing which makes a very big difference to a family in very difficult circumstances

Hildegard36 · 28/10/2018 12:10

If the shoe was on the other foot, I’m sure you’d be looking for all the support you could get from your neighbours too.

This is what is wrong with the world now - in the past, when towns, villages and streets were still proper communities, no one would have batted an eyelid at the thought of taking a neighbour’s child to school - something so easy for you to do that entails only minor annoyances.

Stop being so selfish.

Hidillyho · 28/10/2018 12:12

As someone who has a chronic illness, I can guarantee that this mum HAVING to rely on someone to take her child to school will be harder than you having to wait a few extra minutes in the morning. It’s the little things - like this - that are actually pretty hard to come to terms with as it’s not what you imagine when you have a child.

Although it’s annoying for you, you really aren’t doing all that much different from what you would be doing anyway. You live in the same road and are going to the same school. Obviously if you can’t do it one day then just say but otherwise I don’t see the problem

Hildegard36 · 28/10/2018 12:14

In WW2 people took strangers’ children into their homes and raised them, for goodness sake.

And you can’t even walk a seriously ill neighbour’s child to school when you’re going there anyway?

LucyMorningStar · 28/10/2018 12:14

Firstly, you're not selfish. Selfish person wouldn't agree to do this to begin with.

I understand other people's children can be a bit irritating but just think how big of a deal it is for this girl's mum. I would affect her massively, much more than it is affecting you right now. Maybe carry on being a kind person you already are?

In a couple of weeks ask her what her plan for after Christmas is, as a gentle reminder you can't keep on doing this forever.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread