To not want to take this child to school?

[EveryoneButSam]

My dd is in a class with a girl who lives on our street, let’s call her May. May’s mum has a long term illness which makes it very difficult for her to get up and moving in the morning, so she can’t do the morning school run. Up until about a month ago May was being taken to school by her much older sister, but the sister has now got a different job and moved away.

May’s mum asked if I would take her to school up until half term. I agreed, although with a bit of trepidation as although I didn’t mind doing it for a few weeks I couldn’t see how May’s mum was going to be able to find a different solution. And guess what, she hasn’t, and has now asked if I can carry on until Christmas. But again, I don’t see a solution for after then!

I feel awful for not wanting to commit to this but I really don’t. Not indefinitely. It’s not even as if it’s putting me out that much, May is only a couple of doors down so walks herself over here and is usually on time. Apart from a couple of incidences where she’s not stopped where she should have she’s not much of a bother. I just find it an annoyance - if we’re ready a bit early we have to wait, I have to chat to an extra (chatty) child early in the morning when I’m not really at my chattiest . Which I was happy to put up with to help someone out for a few weeks but not forever!

So AIBU really is am I being a total bitch and should just suck it up? If not, how do I get out of it or at least put a deadline on it? I know I could just do the “that doesn’t work for me” but when May’s mum knows I’m walking that way every day anyway that just seems really rude.

For further clarification, May and her mum are both nice friendly people but neither dd or I are particularly friends with either and we’ve not had a history of helping each other out really.

" What a pain to have to remember to let the other mother know. "

God yes, what an absolute pain. A whole text.......

The child is not your responsibility. What happens when your dd is sick?

You are not selfish for not wanting to do this all the time.

If it were me, I would do it for as long as required. To me, there's no harm as the mum is clearly not being cheeky

I don't know why you wouldn't do this

Op is posting on here, so it is inconveniencing her somewhat. She has an extra child to think about in the mornings. Long term, it is a faff, op might want those mornings to herself, she already has said that that daughter is too chatty in the mornings.

Op has said that she does not want to do this anymore, and trying to convince her that she should do it for 2 years is unfair. Just tell mum that you can do it until Christmas.

I would help her in the interim but explain to her that this is not a long term thing. Can the council, children's social care or adults social care help with taxi provision? Could your neighbour manage to get in a taxi herself?

I had to take DD to school in a taxi in the morning for a while due to being postnatal and still recovering from having DC2 and long term health conditions which made it difficult. It was an expense I didn't need, but equally would have hated to intrude on someone else's life. I really think you need to make it clear that you are doing her a favour but it has a time limit (say Xmas holidays?) and then she needs to find an alternative.

That saying........ ‘walk a mile in my shoes’.

I think speaking to the safeguarding lead at the school is a bit dramatic. The mum has an arrangement in place with the op at the moment. If the op tells her she doesn’t want to do it anymore she may well make arrangements with someone else. Or the child’s dad might change his work hours.

Why don't you say yes you're happy to do it until Christmas but don't want to commit to help after that?

She's getting free childcare technically as a CM would charge for this.

As a pp suggested, can you collect the girl from her house so at least you'd have peace till then.

Other than that, I really don't see the problem. The father may not be able to negotiate more suitable hours, most people can't, and it isn't putting you out to take her. Within two years at most the children will be going to school on their own.

It's nice to be a great help to someone while not having to make that much effort yourself.

Provided the girls get on well enough for a walk to school, I’d do it. I’d also keep doing it until the mum was well enough to do it herself. I do believe we have to have a bit of compassion, and if we want to live in a nice society we do have to put ourselves out a bit. May’s mum hasn’t been a CF - she’s ill.

I was May. My single parent had to work and the choice was leaving me alone or me spending the morning before school at a friends house (there was no extra money for a childminder). I have no idea how my friends mum felt about it, but she never indicated she wasn’t ok with it, and it continued for years and meant our whole lives didn’t fall apart and I got to school on time. Maybe she hated it, but she was compassionate enough to allow it.

That said if this was my neighbour I would probably just do it.

A) because I've struggled myself with health problems myself

B) because it's a "good" thing to do and what you give out you get back (sometimes in the weirdest ways)

C) I'd ask for a return favour sometimes like "do you mind signing for my parcel/picking DC up the other end/watching DC for an hour for me on the weekend" etc.

D) I hate that we have become islands and would love the world to be more neighbourly. Be the change you wish to see in the world and all that.

It's a kind and helpful thing to do. Yes the obligation might be a bit of an annoyance but it's the right thing to do and sets a good example to your own DD.

Just think of the Karma - I would do it in a heart beat, its called being part of the community and giving a shit about other people.

I hope you are never in a position where you need to rely on the kindness of others.

Is there something she could help you with? Maybe she would like to return the a favour even if it is only one or two drop offs or having your child over for a couple of hours at some point to play/babysit. But talking to her is a good starting point.

I find it difficult to understand why people do not see the need for a world where we work together and help each other out and what goes around comes around.

I frequently gave a child a lift to youth club on Wednesday - there and back several miles. This happened for a couple of years - bit of a character but always thanked me and was super polite if cheeky occasionally. How did he pay back - (yes him not his parent) when there were issues with the bus turning up early he told the bus driver to wait, legged it to our house and rang for my DD so she didn't miss it. If her bus doesn't turn up for hometime I always check if he needs a lift too. They started YC at age 9 and they are 13 now and I think its great that they keep an eye out for each other even if ostensibly they never talk to each other - lol

You’re walking there anyway, what difference does it make?! Think ybu, it’s not a case of cheeky fuckery, the mum is ill and she’s asked you and not assumed.
Let’s hope you never get a debilitating illness and need help eh?

The fact that the mother is ill is a bit of a red herring, given that there is a perfectly capable father on the scene. Essentially the position is no different from what happens when both parents work, or when a single parent works.

Not comparable at all.

Is it because she’s a woman and the dad is so very important with his job and all?

it's difficult to understand why he isn't negotiating a slight change to his working hours

I mean its that simple isn't. That's why tgere are quite a few threads on here saying flexible working requests have been declined.

Please do it as it doesn’t put you out. Mays mum will already find it really hard to ask people for help and being knocked back when she knows you are already walking so not going out of your way will make her feel unable to reach out to others for other help if or when it’s needed. Can your daughter and her DD chat, if it’s really that bad stick headphones in and get the girls to talk. Better for may you say your listening to music than to be unable to get to school or the huge money strain it will cost for her to hire someone to do it (disability benefits don’t stretch far). It must be hard for May and she will blame herself if she sees you both off walking and knows you won’t take her

I think this in an indication of how society is now ans how our government has successfully managed to turn everyone against each other. People fear anyone getting a better deal than them. Even not really going out of your way to help a disabled neighbour is too much. It’s sad really. When I was younger neighbours would rally round in this kind of situation.

It doesn't sound to me as if the DM is going to get better as some suggest. Sadly I suspect that she's likely to get worse as it sounds like a long term condition

Seriously @jux

@Miscible Contrary to popular belief, it's not that easy to get flexible working hours, especially if you work a 'working class' job.

The OP is not complaining about helping her neighbour. She's complaining about maybe being obliged to do it for two years. It's not a major inconvenience but is still an imposition. All the sanctimonious and holier than thou posters on here need to back off.

Where is your compassion? You are going that way with your child. What is the matter with folk these days that they cannot help those less fortunate than themselves?