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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I can't trust this Mother...

342 replies

MistressoftheYoniverse · 28/10/2018 01:15

My daughter went to a party at a friends house on Friday ..we sent her in a taxi to her friends and booked a taxi back @ 1pm for her to return home she's 16yrs yrs old.

So I get a call @ after 11pm just before 12am on my daughters phone from the mother of the girl who's party it is saying, 'Oh hi Yoniverse, I don't feel comfortable to send your DD1 home in a cab it's too late imo for someone her age, all the other kids are leaving...so can she stay the night and come home in the morning?...Now I was confused, she was using my DD1's phone and making me feel like my parenting choices were suspect because 'she felt' that it was too late...I agreed...mainly because I thought she had possibly been manipulated or cajoled by her own DD to get my DD1 to stay the night and I know what that's like, I'm pretty relaxed, but I was still perplexed and tbh a little annoyed but I said 'OK but make sure DD1 calls the Taxi station and cancels ..she said Ok ...a bit later I tried to call my DD numerous times but no answer....

I thought I might call the mum the next day and explain that the Taxi service we use we have been using for over 20 yrs they took our children to school in the morning when they were young, we know the owners/drivers by name so not just any random cab station so nothing to worry about.

FF>> 6am my DD1 calls me and asks did her friend's mum call me last night?... I say yes but why are you unsure?...'Oh she told me she called ..I was just checking' I asked if she told her that she should have cancelled the taxi..she said no ...so I confronted her and said 'you were wasted/mashed last night weren't you?' ...silence...then DD1 reluctantly admits she was so drunk she blacked out, was passed out for over an hour in the bathroom...didn't know how she got to bed, had 17 missed calls from her boyfriend and numerous other things she was unclear about.

I was upset...not completely about my DD1 being drunk....yeah it's not ideal but it happens and it's really hard for a parent to control other peoples children and what they sneakily do...

It was the bloomin lies and the making me feel like a bad parent for allowing my child to travel home in a taxi...it was the fact that she didn't tell me the truth that she didn't want to sent DD1 home because my child, under her care had become so drunk that she was too scared send her home in a taxi!

I would have really respected her if she had told me my DD was unfit to travel in a taxi because she had been drinking, she was worried and wanted to keep an eye on her...Things happen, I know it's not what you want to say to another parent but don't friggin lie and make the parent out to be a bad decision maker and that you know better!
I am angry right now...
DD still wants to be friends with this girl but I can't trust this mother

OP posts:

Rebecca36 · 28/10/2018 01:20

As long as she made sure your daughter was OK, ie not likely to vomit in her sleep, I'd leave it as it is. Friends' parents are often put in similar, difficult situations.

Original poster

MistressoftheYoniverse · 28/10/2018 01:29

I hear you Rebecca... it was the lying and trying to make me feel bad as another parent..she could have just said my DD want's your DD to stay over is that cool?...why make me feel bad?..it was not that difficult

OP posts:

TheSerenDipitY · 28/10/2018 01:48

the mother was home during this party?
i am guessing and she allowed underage children to consume the alcohol in her home?
did she supply this alcohol to the minors in her home too?
if so she is a VERY VERY VERY stupid woman!!!
she can be charged for that, she is not legally allowed to serve or supply alcohol to minors ( that are not her own children) not even with your written permission!!
and then she lied to you about why your daughter needed to stay at her home?
And you need to ask?

Original poster

MistressoftheYoniverse · 28/10/2018 01:57

ThesSeren I have no idea if she supplied the alcohol...
I asked because I'm pissed off...

OP posts:

Countfrown · 28/10/2018 02:26

No you can't trust her. And the whole "trying to shift the blame on to you" I particularly spiteful too. She's clearly trying to cover her own ass rather than have your daughters best interests at heart.

lalalalyra · 28/10/2018 02:27

I'd be hacked off by the lies, and by the allowing of a youngster to get in that state.

That's one of the reasons I only allow my teens to drink in my house. Other parents are often too busy trying to be 'cool' than to be responsible.

I'd be mortified if a 16yo got in that state in my home.

Lovestonap · 28/10/2018 02:30

As I read through this I was thinking - perhaps the party was ending and she and everyone wanted to go to bed and 1am was too late to wait up for a taxi - but as you said it's clear your daughter was in no fit state to be going anywhere and the mum was covering that up.

I think I would talk to her (the mum) about it, perhaps ask how she (your daughter) ended up getting in that state. You could frame it as "if my daughter was sneaking in alcohol and secretly drinking it I'd like to know" then she can explain how your dd got the booze.

It's a tricky one, but YANBU to be really annoyed with this woman and I think she owes you an apology/explanation

As does your dd, but that's another story!! :)

SofiaAmes · 28/10/2018 02:31

If that happened to my dd, I'd be reporting the mother to the police.

Whiskeyjar · 28/10/2018 02:33

Are you sure it really was the mother? We used to get our most mature sounding friend of the group to phone parents pretending to be the other parent and confirm where we were all staying whenever someone's parents were away on holiday etc

SofiaAmes · 28/10/2018 02:33

Not just because my dd got drunk under the supervision of this mum (yes these things happen), but when she passed out, the mum didn't call or get medical attention for this child (yes 16, but legally still a child) AND lied about what had happened.

Shriekingbanshee · 28/10/2018 02:33

I think it's highly dangerous behaviour taking responsibility of someone else 'child' that's blacked out on alchohol. She should have to gone to hospital fffs.

A kid died this week of heart attack from boozing and blacking out due to stupid party drinking.

She's a stupid rubbish parent allowing this to go on, and then, lying to you. Imagine if your dd hadn't come out of that alright!

SofiaAmes · 28/10/2018 02:34

Whiskeyjar has a point.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 28/10/2018 02:37

I would have gone fucking ballistic!!
YANBU at all!
In the same circumstances I would have wanted to speak to my dd on the phone.
Would not have been happy about dd blacking out but would have been round like a fucking shot and got her home to ensure she was safe and hydrated etc.
I think I would have words with this mum.
Does she think she was being ‘cool’ by LYING to you about the fact that your dd was unconscious?
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Birdie69 · 28/10/2018 02:38

I'm with Whiskyjar on this one. I bet it was one of the other girls putting on a "grown up voice" who rang you. It's hard to imagine why a parent would use DD's phone instead of her own - sounds more like another girl to me.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 28/10/2018 02:38

Aaaah yes just read Whiskeyjar post
Very good point

SofiaAmes · 28/10/2018 02:40

I had something similar happen a few years ago (first and last time dd got wasted at a party), but the second the mum found out she made my dd (and all the other girls) call their mothers to be picked up.

Penisbeakerismyfavethread · 28/10/2018 02:42

Seniorschoolmum · 28/10/2018 02:44

Agree with lovestonap

It’s worrying that your 16yo ended up in that state and that the other mother wasn’t open with you. And rude to not ring the taxi company.

But don’t worry about whether people are judging if you are a good parent or not. It’s no one else’s business and anyway, you have at least 16 years evidence to the contrary.

Original poster

MistressoftheYoniverse · 28/10/2018 02:46

I would have gone with whiskeyjar too (I used to write teacher notes for my friends because of my 'grown-up' hand-writing back in the day) but it was definitely the mum, she has an accent and reminded me we had spoken before...

Aint I didn't know about the blacking out until the next day

OP posts:

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 28/10/2018 02:48

I’ve (thankfully) so far never had to deal with this. My dd is 16 and very conservative. We offer her a glass of champagne at special occasions, she has a sip and says no thanks. Same with wine at meals
All her mates are nice girls (some a little wild!) but I know the parents and always be in contact re party plans.
One party a girl tried to smuggle in a bottle of vodka, the mum was on it like a tramp on a kipper

Shriekingbanshee · 28/10/2018 02:48

I wouldn't have been happy speaking to 'mother' or whoever it was, but would have had that convo with dd myself as all sorts could have been going on (and clearly was!) But I would have been a bit suspicious about her no being there to make that call
Your dd has had a close call, was there even a party with an adults knowledge? If there was then the adult is still at fault for such appalling mismanagement

Original poster

MistressoftheYoniverse · 28/10/2018 02:49

Also the mum spoke to DD1 and told her she had spoken to me and that she can stay the night (one of her lucid moments)

OP posts:

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 28/10/2018 02:49

That’s what I mean op, the mum lied to you!

Shriekingbanshee · 28/10/2018 02:50

Tramp on a kipper and

Shriekingbanshee · 28/10/2018 02:52

You can't tell me she had no idea of the dangerous state your dd was in and thought this was the right thing to do

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