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Original poster

I can't trust this Mother...

342 replies

MistressoftheYoniverse · 28/10/2018 01:15

My daughter went to a party at a friends house on Friday ..we sent her in a taxi to her friends and booked a taxi back @ 1pm for her to return home she's 16yrs yrs old.

So I get a call @ after 11pm just before 12am on my daughters phone from the mother of the girl who's party it is saying, 'Oh hi Yoniverse, I don't feel comfortable to send your DD1 home in a cab it's too late imo for someone her age, all the other kids are leaving...so can she stay the night and come home in the morning?...Now I was confused, she was using my DD1's phone Hmm and making me feel like my parenting choices were suspect because 'she felt' that it was too late...I agreed...mainly because I thought she had possibly been manipulated or cajoled by her own DD to get my DD1 to stay the night and I know what that's like, I'm pretty relaxed, but I was still perplexed and tbh a little annoyed but I said 'OK but make sure DD1 calls the Taxi station and cancels ..she said Ok ...a bit later I tried to call my DD numerous times but no answer....

I thought I might call the mum the next day and explain that the Taxi service we use we have been using for over 20 yrs they took our children to school in the morning when they were young, we know the owners/drivers by name so not just any random cab station so nothing to worry about.

FF>> 6am my DD1 calls me and asks did her friend's mum call me last night?... I say yes but why are you unsure?...'Oh she told me she called ..I was just checking' Hmm I asked if she told her that she should have cancelled the taxi..she said no ...so I confronted her and said 'you were wasted/mashed last night weren't you?' ...silence...then DD1 reluctantly admits she was so drunk she blacked out, was passed out for over an hour in the bathroom...didn't know how she got to bed, had 17 missed calls from her boyfriend and numerous other things she was unclear about.

I was upset...not completely about my DD1 being drunk....yeah it's not ideal but it happens and it's really hard for a parent to control other peoples children and what they sneakily do...

It was the bloomin lies and the making me feel like a bad parent for allowing my child to travel home in a taxi...it was the fact that she didn't tell me the truth that she didn't want to sent DD1 home because my child, under her care had become so drunk that she was too scared send her home in a taxi!

I would have really respected her if she had told me my DD was unfit to travel in a taxi because she had been drinking, she was worried and wanted to keep an eye on her...Things happen, I know it's not what you want to say to another parent but don't friggin lie and make the parent out to be a bad decision maker and that you know better!
I am angry right now...
DD still wants to be friends with this girl but I can't trust this mother

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 28/10/2018 07:15

Plied with alcohol? Love how some posters read a story and then add bits on to suit their own agenda that simply aren't there. Because no teenager in the world would want to drink alcohol of their own free volition eh, they have to be "plied". Hmm

LagunaBubbles · 28/10/2018 07:16

The friendship would be over for me

You can't control who a 16 year old is and isn't friends with.

Ifoundanacorn · 28/10/2018 07:21

I would be less worried about what the other mother thought of you hiring taxis and much much more concerned that she did not contact you immediately when she realised your dd was in such a bad way.

It is entirely possible your dd needed medical treatment and a visit to A&E being so drunk that she passed out. That was your choice and decision to make, and certainly not hers. If your dd had died due to alcohol poisoning that would been considered a negligent decision on her part just to let her 'sleep it off'

Yes I would be furious, but not the for the same reasons as you.

Your dd needs to take much better care of herself, and your relaxed attitude to her drinking is not helping. She is too young at sixteen to be drinking to the point of becoming unconscious. Not only is this very unsafe for her at a party, it could actually kill her.

If this was my dd after last night she would not be going to another party, and certainly I would have a discussion with the mother about allowing parents to make the final call on welfare of their children. I would not trust her again, she lacks good judgement at best.

SalemBlackCat4 · 28/10/2018 07:21

Am still trying to find it, this is not it, but...:

www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a13054/binge-drinking-killed-shelby-allen/

It has a section on the article called The "Safe Home" Hoax. Very interesting.

LikeIcare · 28/10/2018 07:23

SalemBlackCat4. Yes get a grip. And educate yourself about the law.

ExFury · 28/10/2018 07:26

A safe home doesn’t allow teenagers free and unsupervised access to multiple bottles of vodka.

cooldarkroom · 28/10/2018 07:37

In reality it is most likely that the girls & boys organized the booze.
The mother may have been in the next room, we all know that 16 YO don't want the parents hovering at their party
However the mother should not have lied about your DD blacking out.
was it the booze that made her black out ? or drugs? were there any boys at this party ?

ButchyRestingFace · 28/10/2018 07:41

she could have just said my DD want's your DD to stay over is that cool?

Surely that would have been a lie/half truth too?

Looneytune253 · 28/10/2018 07:43

Doesn’t sound like she was trying to make you feel like a bad parent though. It sounds like you’ve picked that bit up yourself. She’s obv trying to be the ‘cool mum’ though and no I defo wouldn’t trust her to look after your dd again!

straightjeans · 28/10/2018 07:44

Maybe the mother should have told you. But she also looked after your daughter made sure she wasn't sent off in a cab and taken advantage of.

BiologyMatters · 28/10/2018 07:46

Your daughter sounds like an idiot, getting that drunk. She put the mother in a very difficult position. I'd be angry with her, not the other mother.

jq28 · 28/10/2018 07:46

@claraschu totally hit the nail on the head.

SalemBlackCat4 · 28/10/2018 07:46

@LikeIcare How about you tell the parents of Shelby Allen to 'get a grip'. I really hope you don't have children if you have that sort of neglectful and selfish attitude.

shearwater · 28/10/2018 07:46

YANBU. The mum should have said "Look, she's has a bit too much to drink, I think it would be better if she sleeps it off here, what do you think?"

SalemBlackCat4 · 28/10/2018 07:47

biologyMatters, if the other mother allowed alcohol to be drank at her place, she is more responsible than the daughter.

SputnikBear · 28/10/2018 07:48

YANBU. The mother had no right to hide your DD’s condition from you. If your daughter was unwell she should have informed you and let you decide what to do. It was not her place to assume parental authority, lie to you and make the decision that your daughter could safely sleep it off. I wouldn’t trust the mother again, and would let her know in no uncertain terms what I thought of her behaviour.

I wouldn’t have accepted speaking to just the mother on the phone though. That would have rung alarm bells for me. I’d have wanted to speak to my child.

Miscible · 28/10/2018 07:49

Agreed, but apparently, it is ok for 16 and 17 year olds to have sex at their parents house and not ask their parents' permission

Not just apparently, it is OK, that's what the law says.

shearwater · 28/10/2018 07:51

that's what the law says

It really doesn't Confused

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 28/10/2018 07:52

The whole point of that Shelby Allen case is that an adult wasnt alerted when she was in a bad state, that's not the case here.

Shelby went on a self imposed mission of downing 15 shots of vodka within an hour and another 16 year old didn't call for help when she should have done. In this situation, the mother was with the daughter and looking after her so it's not really the same thing at all.

BiologyMatters · 28/10/2018 07:52

The daughter at 16 is responsible for what she chooses to consume. I'm amazed that the op doesn't really care that her daughter at 16 got paralytic.

Looneytune253 · 28/10/2018 07:55

So many people spouting off rubbish on this thread. Here is the law. Oh and @SalemBlackCat4 it is legal for 16-17 year olds to have sex too. That’s pretty much common knowledge.

I can't trust this Mother...
I can't trust this Mother...
diddl · 28/10/2018 07:56

The daughter shouldn't have had access to such alcohol, but she did.

She must surely take some responsibility?

Op-why 1am for a taxi for a 16yr old?

The mum should have told Op to collect her daughter & look after her herself imo.

She shouldn't have tried to help hide her daughter's condition.

LikeIcare · 28/10/2018 07:57

LikeIcare How about you tell the parents of Shelby Allen to 'get a grip'. I really hope you don't have children if you have that sort of neglectful and selfish attitude.

Her story and her parents are completely irrelevant here. What happened here is a 16 got drunk, like 16 year olds sometimes do and slept at her friends house. That's all that happened.

And we get it, you're on multiple threads clutching your pearls about the lack of morality in the UK and permissive parenting.. yada yada yada ..you don't like the words we use.. yada yada ..

You are aggressive and offensive to anyone that disagrees with you and it doesn't come across well.

Piffpaffpoff · 28/10/2018 07:57

I agree, she was trying to be the “cool” mum.

The thing that would annoy me more than the alcohol is that she covered up what was going on and that your DD was unwell. If I could stay calm enough, I think I’d like to be able to call her and saysome ‘look, Ive spoken with Dd, I now understand what actually happened and I wish you’d been honest with me about it so that I could have made an informed decision about what was best for my daughter. I probably would have come and got her’

It might make her think, or it might not, but I’d need to say it.

SalemBlackCat4 · 28/10/2018 07:57

@DayManChampionOfTheSun No, the father allowed the children to sit at the bar, and then said walking away, now don't drink anything. And he never once checked on them. Hence it was proved of parental neglect, just as the OP's case is regarding the neglect by the host mother.

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