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Original poster

I can't trust this Mother...

342 replies

MistressoftheYoniverse · 28/10/2018 01:15

My daughter went to a party at a friends house on Friday ..we sent her in a taxi to her friends and booked a taxi back @ 1pm for her to return home she's 16yrs yrs old.

So I get a call @ after 11pm just before 12am on my daughters phone from the mother of the girl who's party it is saying, 'Oh hi Yoniverse, I don't feel comfortable to send your DD1 home in a cab it's too late imo for someone her age, all the other kids are leaving...so can she stay the night and come home in the morning?...Now I was confused, she was using my DD1's phone Hmm and making me feel like my parenting choices were suspect because 'she felt' that it was too late...I agreed...mainly because I thought she had possibly been manipulated or cajoled by her own DD to get my DD1 to stay the night and I know what that's like, I'm pretty relaxed, but I was still perplexed and tbh a little annoyed but I said 'OK but make sure DD1 calls the Taxi station and cancels ..she said Ok ...a bit later I tried to call my DD numerous times but no answer....

I thought I might call the mum the next day and explain that the Taxi service we use we have been using for over 20 yrs they took our children to school in the morning when they were young, we know the owners/drivers by name so not just any random cab station so nothing to worry about.

FF>> 6am my DD1 calls me and asks did her friend's mum call me last night?... I say yes but why are you unsure?...'Oh she told me she called ..I was just checking' Hmm I asked if she told her that she should have cancelled the taxi..she said no ...so I confronted her and said 'you were wasted/mashed last night weren't you?' ...silence...then DD1 reluctantly admits she was so drunk she blacked out, was passed out for over an hour in the bathroom...didn't know how she got to bed, had 17 missed calls from her boyfriend and numerous other things she was unclear about.

I was upset...not completely about my DD1 being drunk....yeah it's not ideal but it happens and it's really hard for a parent to control other peoples children and what they sneakily do...

It was the bloomin lies and the making me feel like a bad parent for allowing my child to travel home in a taxi...it was the fact that she didn't tell me the truth that she didn't want to sent DD1 home because my child, under her care had become so drunk that she was too scared send her home in a taxi!

I would have really respected her if she had told me my DD was unfit to travel in a taxi because she had been drinking, she was worried and wanted to keep an eye on her...Things happen, I know it's not what you want to say to another parent but don't friggin lie and make the parent out to be a bad decision maker and that you know better!
I am angry right now...
DD still wants to be friends with this girl but I can't trust this mother

OP posts:
QueenOfMyWorld · 28/10/2018 07:58

I don't think the mum was there at all,my my bets are on her going out and a friend pretending to be the mum

ExFury · 28/10/2018 07:58

The OP has already said she knows it was the min she spoke to

ExFury · 28/10/2018 07:58

Mum

Mondaytired · 28/10/2018 07:58

Contact the mum today OP and just say you were surprised to find that DD had passed out and you thought that last night she just didn’t feel safe getting the taxi?
Put it in her court...
Then give your daughter some advice about drinking safely, we’ve all done it at some point and I’m sure she won’t get in that state for a while.
Remind her of it whenever she goes to a party again...

Birdsgottafly · 28/10/2018 07:59

Ex CP SW, unless the minor is being given alcohol for the intention of the adult to carry out sexual abuse, from 14, the law does say that they can drink on private premises.

OP speak to your DD, whose to say that she didn't sneak into the bathroom to carry on drinking.

As a Mum of Adult DDs, you need to be putting her drinking and staying safe onto her. She's 16. She's found her limit and moving forward, you need to make it clear that she was lucky and needs to know when to stop.

Find out who did make the call and check that she was supervised.

I've been the one to be phoned when my DDs peer group ended up in hospital because they blacked out, or were spiked. They mainly monitor them. Yes, I always informed the Parents, before anyone gets hysterical.

SalemBlackCat4 · 28/10/2018 08:00

@Looneytune253 I never said it wasn't.

Miscible · 28/10/2018 08:02

shearwater, do share which law says that people of 16 and 17 have to have their parents' permission before having sex in their homes.

SalemBlackCat4 · 28/10/2018 08:02

@LikeIcare look at your own posts on here, hostile and nasty. Clearly you have an issue with me. That's your problem, not mine. Get a grip!

Endofthelinefinally · 28/10/2018 08:02

My son died because he passed out in the bathroom at someone else's house.
I would be absolutely furious, but you do need to get all the facts.

BarbarianMum · 28/10/2018 08:04

The mother shouldnt have lied - she should have told you to come get your daughter. And your daughter shouldn't have got so drunk that she was incapable of getting home as arranged. In your situation I'd be far more pissed off at my dd for being an irresponsible arse and putting people out.

LikeIcare · 28/10/2018 08:06

LikeIcare look at your own posts on here, hostile and nasty. Clearly you have an issue with me. That's your problem, not mine. Get a grip!

Nothing hostile in suggesting that people suggesting calling the Police or the Mothers employers need to get a grip.

Saying you hope someone doesn't have children because they said that is extremely hostile. And you just make yourself look daft. On every thread.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 28/10/2018 08:07

SalemBlackCat4 where they? It states in the article you posted - by verbalizing the order not to drink (even though alcohol was easily accessible), by making the 911 call, by performing CPR, and also by not being aware of how severe Shelby's condition was, [the parents] were not legally responsible for what occurred

They actually took legal action against the friend for not getting help sooner.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 28/10/2018 08:10

^^of which she was acquitted.

SalemBlackCat4 · 28/10/2018 08:10

They may not have been legally responsible, but they were morally responsible. What type of father allows teenage girls to sit around an actual bar, with bottles of alcohol and glasses and says 'now don't drink', walks away, and not even once checking on the in the night, let alone before he went to work in the morning? Why were the parents not looking in on them (especially as he placed them on stools around the bar in their house)? At all? Not even once? Negligence from the father/parents.

ButchyRestingFace · 28/10/2018 08:12

@LikeIcare look at your own posts on here, hostile and nasty. Clearly you have an issue with me. That's your problem, not mine. Get a grip!

Aren't you the one who said you hoped she didn't have kids given her attitude to drinking? Confused

Upsy1981 · 28/10/2018 08:13

My guess is the mum had been out herself for the evening, got home to find your Dd in that state and decided to take that course of action. I think she should have phoned you and been honest with you and said she can stay here and sleep it off or given you the chance to pick her up. I would be annoyed that she didn't do that and would probably have called her to clarify exactly what happened and that I should have been informed.

ExFury · 28/10/2018 08:13

How is that case relevant to the OP when we have no idea how or where the OP’s DD got/drank the alcohol?

ButchyRestingFace · 28/10/2018 08:15

Hence it was proved of parental neglect, just as the OP's case is regarding the neglect by the host mother.

Doesn't sound like you actually read the article.

Tahani · 28/10/2018 08:15

Can someone list the huge dangers of being passed out from alcohol for an hour? I tried googling but can't find any.

Being out cold out of sight my biggest worries would be injury from when she passed out and choking on her own vomit (which can be a quiet death, not loud so wouldn’t be heard through a door at a party).

As above, but are you actually serious, you think it's not dangerous to be so drunk you actually pass out??

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 28/10/2018 08:19

To be honest, I'm not getting into a debate with you about moral responsibility. It is clear you didn't actually read the article you posted, hence saying the host family were 'proved of parental neglect'.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/10/2018 08:20

Endoftheline Flowers

LikeIcare · 28/10/2018 08:26

DayManChampionOfTheSun

To be honest, I'm not getting into a debate with you about moral responsibility. It is clear you didn't actually read the article you posted, hence saying the host family were 'proved of parental neglect'.

Indeed. As well as the earlier posts confidentally proclaiming it's illegal to drink underage when it isn't and the wild allegation that the Mother had 'plied' the daughter with alcohol.

P.S He's a master of karate and friendship for everyone Smile

TeddybearBaby · 28/10/2018 08:30

I think that the people who are saying that they let their children drink underage in their home are saying that it’s better than them getting smashed somewhere unsafe. If you make something available you almost take the appeal of ‘having something unattainable’ away and it becomes no big deal........ maybe they won’t go crazy because it’s nothing to them? That’s how I’m reading it and it makes sense to me.

I’m pleased my two are 9 and 11 and I don’t have to deal with this yet.

Op I’d be the same as you. These things happen, it wouldn’t be the issue. The issue would be that I’d want the choice to look after my daughter while she’s ill / vulnerable and she took that away from you.

Hope your daughter is ok today and good luck with whatever you decide to do 💐

Zoflorabore · 28/10/2018 08:33

Some nasty people in this thread.
If someone is going to comment on a situation then they should at least have the correct information re: laws of the country being discussed.

Whilst I agree with some comments on this thread, I disagree with others. That's human nature of course and doesn't give me or anyone else the right to be downright nasty and question someone's suitability to be a parent.

I disagree with 15 year olds being able to drive in some American states, I would be petrified if my ds drove at this time,that's my opinion and I have my reasons.
Same way I am glad that guns are illegal in this country, thank god.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 28/10/2018 08:35

LikeIcare

Exactly, ahhhhhahahhhhhhhh