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Original poster

I can't trust this Mother...

342 replies

MistressoftheYoniverse · 28/10/2018 01:15

My daughter went to a party at a friends house on Friday ..we sent her in a taxi to her friends and booked a taxi back @ 1pm for her to return home she's 16yrs yrs old.

So I get a call @ after 11pm just before 12am on my daughters phone from the mother of the girl who's party it is saying, 'Oh hi Yoniverse, I don't feel comfortable to send your DD1 home in a cab it's too late imo for someone her age, all the other kids are leaving...so can she stay the night and come home in the morning?...Now I was confused, she was using my DD1's phone Hmm and making me feel like my parenting choices were suspect because 'she felt' that it was too late...I agreed...mainly because I thought she had possibly been manipulated or cajoled by her own DD to get my DD1 to stay the night and I know what that's like, I'm pretty relaxed, but I was still perplexed and tbh a little annoyed but I said 'OK but make sure DD1 calls the Taxi station and cancels ..she said Ok ...a bit later I tried to call my DD numerous times but no answer....

I thought I might call the mum the next day and explain that the Taxi service we use we have been using for over 20 yrs they took our children to school in the morning when they were young, we know the owners/drivers by name so not just any random cab station so nothing to worry about.

FF>> 6am my DD1 calls me and asks did her friend's mum call me last night?... I say yes but why are you unsure?...'Oh she told me she called ..I was just checking' Hmm I asked if she told her that she should have cancelled the taxi..she said no ...so I confronted her and said 'you were wasted/mashed last night weren't you?' ...silence...then DD1 reluctantly admits she was so drunk she blacked out, was passed out for over an hour in the bathroom...didn't know how she got to bed, had 17 missed calls from her boyfriend and numerous other things she was unclear about.

I was upset...not completely about my DD1 being drunk....yeah it's not ideal but it happens and it's really hard for a parent to control other peoples children and what they sneakily do...

It was the bloomin lies and the making me feel like a bad parent for allowing my child to travel home in a taxi...it was the fact that she didn't tell me the truth that she didn't want to sent DD1 home because my child, under her care had become so drunk that she was too scared send her home in a taxi!

I would have really respected her if she had told me my DD was unfit to travel in a taxi because she had been drinking, she was worried and wanted to keep an eye on her...Things happen, I know it's not what you want to say to another parent but don't friggin lie and make the parent out to be a bad decision maker and that you know better!
I am angry right now...
DD still wants to be friends with this girl but I can't trust this mother

OP posts:
TeddybearBaby · 28/10/2018 08:40

I’m so sorry for your loss @Endofthelinefinally 💐

Tinkobell · 28/10/2018 08:42

The mother shouldnt have lied - she should have told you to come get your daughter. And your daughter shouldn't have got so drunk that she was incapable of getting home as arranged. In your situation I'd be far more pissed off at my dd for being an irresponsible arse and putting people out
^^This from @Barbarianmum. It's your DD that needs the stern talking to.

bastardkitty · 28/10/2018 08:43

Endofthelinefinally that's every parent's worst nightmare. So sorry for you.

greathat · 28/10/2018 08:43

Passed out could have been a dangerous level of alcohol. I know someone who put them self in a none responsive coma, would have died if their parents hadn't called an ambulance who took them in to have their stomach pumped. This was at a teenage house party and someone who had very little experience of alcohol

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 28/10/2018 08:43

I feel like I’ve wandered into a parallel universe. It’s illegal to drink at home or someone else’s home because you’re underage Hmm and 16 year olds need their parents’ permission to have sex Hmm

I guess people are posting from abroad maybe but I’m totally lost.

OP, the mum shouldn’t have lied to you and I’d speak to her about it.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 28/10/2018 08:45

Oh and neglect can be proved even where the defendants were acquitted

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 28/10/2018 08:45

This is all too weird!

SalemBlackCat4 · 28/10/2018 08:45

@ButchyRestingFace did you read what she said, "get a grip", dismissing the danger of children drinking and blacking, like it is ok and nothing to worry about? Confused Hmm

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/10/2018 08:46

Namechange
No it isn’t.

Twodogsandahooch · 28/10/2018 08:47

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter OP, and even more sorry to hear about your son Endoftheline.

A good friend's friend died as a result of night out drinking at uni. Such a waste.

I'm really torn about how I am going to approach drinking with my DDs. My parents were quite relaxed and my peer group drank from an early age. I wish however that my parents had suggested that it wasn't cool to get so drunk that you vomit in a taxi.

ExFury · 28/10/2018 08:49

She said “get a grip” in relation to calling the police and the mothers employers, don’t be disingenuous Salem

Telling someone you hope they never have children doesn’t exactly cover you in glory.

EvaHarknessRose · 28/10/2018 08:50

She should have acted in line with what a reasonable parent would want - to know that their dd was incapacitated and therefore at risk (from alcohol or from other party goers). And supervise that child overnight or ensure their parent did.

SalemBlackCat4 · 28/10/2018 08:50

"Nothing hostile in suggesting that people suggesting calling the Police or the Mothers employers need to get a grip."

I was not the one who suggested getting hold of the mother's employers. I would not suggest that. You make yourself look daft by verballing me and attributing to me quotes I never said. And no, suggesting calling the police after your child has blacked out from alcohol and the mother never told you nor attempted to get the daughter help is not 'hostile', it is called being responsible.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 28/10/2018 08:51

Namechangeforthiscancershit I was only talking about the case posted previously. No charges were ever made and no one has been held responsible.

OP - I am assuming you either gave your dd some alcohol to take with her or knee she would be having a drink there as you don't seem surprised she had been drinking, which is why I am assuming your problem is not with dd being drunk but with the mums lie. I think you should have a chat with her. What I imagine probably happened is she came home, found your dd in thag state and her dd begged her not to tell you so as not to get your dd in trouble. Which isn't right, but I can imagine it is a prrety shitty position to find yourself in.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 28/10/2018 08:51

I would not have lied to you in the way this mother did but I’ve been the other mother in a similar situation.

Small group of 17 yr olds celebrating my son’s birthday at our house. There were a few beers and some low alcohol rose wine but that was it, put a party tent up in the garden, drinks and snacks, pizzas, and chips only about 10 kids all of whom we knew - and all 17 or 18 yrs old.
My partner and I socialised with them a bit then left them to it. It was a quiet affair - we were in the house watching TV.

One 17 yr old boy got absolutely trashed on vodka that he’d sneaked in unbeknownst to us. He then wandered off into a field behind the house, my son went with him and looked after him and walked him home.

I popped round to see how he was the next day and met a barrage of abuse - his mother was furious with me - I was baffled and couldn’t see how her 17 yr old son’s irresponsible drinking at a quiet birthday party was my fault. She is still not speaking to me over it. Even he came and apologised the next day - for sneaking in the alcohol, for getting so drunk, and for his mother having a go at me. He remains friends with my son.

Unless the hosting mother was pouring the alcohol down your DD’s throat - the getting trashed is your DD fault. She’s old enough to know what she’s doing at 16 (you can get married at 16, join the army etc.) Over the age of 16 I wouldn’t dream of blaming another parent for my son getting drunk - it would be his fault entirely. However deceiving you in the way the other mother did is the irresponsible part.

TeddybearBaby · 28/10/2018 08:52

@Tinkobell she might have had her drink spiked. Don’t know the details yet do we or have I missed that? But yes a talk about her limits and the reasons why / how dangerous drinking can be is a good idea I think!

LikeIcare · 28/10/2018 08:52

SalemBlackCat4

@ButchyRestingFace did you read what she said, "get a grip", dismissing the danger of children drinking and blacking, like it is ok and nothing to worry about? confused hmm

That didn't happen though. At no point did I dismiss the dangers, I was dismissing that it is illegal because it isn't. That the Police should be called - because they shouldn't. And that the Mothers employers should not be contacted.

I also didn't personally direct the 'get a grip' to any individual. You started directing posts to me personally and stated you hope that I don't have children because I'm selfish and neglectful.

WhipItGood · 28/10/2018 08:52

Agree with Tinkobell / Barbarianmum

At this age the issue begins to be about the choices they make in all sorts of scenarios. It’s too simplistic to assume ‘cool’ parents are plying teenagers galore with alcohol. And it’s worth remembering that teenagers are very adept at spinning events to to put a different slant to whatever has gone on.

ExFury · 28/10/2018 08:53

I'm really torn about how I am going to approach drinking with my DDs. My parents were quite relaxed and my peer group drank from an early age. I wish however that my parents had suggested that it wasn't cool to get so drunk that you vomit in a taxi.

You can have a mix.

I’m relatively relaxed compared to some. My eldest is allowed to drink at home. No spirits or any alcopop type drinks that mask the fact you’re drinking. No getting drunk. It’s mostly a glass of wine with food, or a couple of ciders with friends (whose parents are aware).

However I’m absolutely strict on risky behaviour. Once my DD put herself in a risky situation and she was grounded for a “ridiculous” length of time (to a teenager and her friends).

It’s teaching responsibility and also allowing experimentation, which all teens do, but safely. and without being a cool mum who forgets to parent in the bid to be friends with their child.

Tomatoesrock · 28/10/2018 08:56

I have not rtft. There is no reason the mother should have lied, id be very angry with both of them. If it was my DD friend I would be honest with her DM. Let their own Parent make the call on what to do.

TeddybearBaby · 28/10/2018 08:59

@onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad I can’t believe that parents attitude when your sensible son made sure he got home safely. How can it be your fault when the birthday boy has enough wits to take care of someone else. She should have taken responsibility. Blimin cheek!

Thebluedog · 28/10/2018 08:59

I’d be fuming op. Several things really, that your dd got so drunk she passed out. I’m all for sensible drinking and I know 16 yr olds will have a drink, but to get in that state is really bad. And also the lies, she should have told you the truth and allowed you to come and collect her.

ButchyRestingFace · 28/10/2018 09:04

@ButchyRestingFace did you read what she said, "get a grip", dismissing the danger of children drinking and blacking, like it is ok and nothing to worry about? confused hmm

She wasn’t referring to the dangers of children drinking when she said that.

In any case, I’m referring to you telling someone else they’re hostile and have an issue with you, when you’re the one who said you hoped she didn’t have kids. Hmm

I haven’t seen your posts on other threads, but your posts on this thread smack of someone who doesn’t know what they’re talking about.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 28/10/2018 09:15

The mum should have said ‘I’m taking your DD to a&E, best use the taxi to get to the hospital

claraschu · 28/10/2018 09:24

I agree with Zoflorabore.

As an American, I particularly agree with this:
I disagree with 15 year olds being able to drive in some American states, I would be petrified if my ds drove at this time,that's my opinion and I have my reasons.
Same way I am glad that guns are illegal in this country, thank god."

I think that guns and cars are far and away more dangerous than alcohol. In an ideal world, all of us (but especially children) would be protected from guns, cars, and alcohol.

I hope, SalemBlackCat4, that you bring the same outrage you show on here to a real-life fight against guns back in the US.

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