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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my daughter shouldn't date her former tutor?

264 replies

trob22 · 24/10/2018 09:21

My daughter is 24 and recently finished a masters course. Now she is in a relationship with the tutor who was her personal supervisor, who is 30. She keeps saying that nothing happened until after she got her results so nothing inappropriate, now they are both adults who just happened to meet each other etc etc.... Even leaving aside the age gap, I think that is completely inappropriate for a tutor to even look at a student in that way, never mind to start dating them afterwards. There obviously must have been some flirtatious relationship between them when she was his student for them to start dating so soon after, which I think is horrifying. Is that unreasonable?

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 24/10/2018 09:23

Happens all the time at university. A d lots of affairs

HRTpatch · 24/10/2018 09:23

You are being ridiculous. She is 24 not 14.

Cheby · 24/10/2018 09:23

Meh. The age gap is tiny and they’re both adults. Plus she was a postgrad, not an undergrad. I couldn’t get worked up about this really. If she’s happy I’d be happy.

florafawna · 24/10/2018 09:24

Age gap?! You're joking! Smile

BreakYourselfAgainstMyStones · 24/10/2018 09:24

They are both adults. The age gap isn't that huge.

I couldn't get wound up about it tbh.

Frogscotch7 · 24/10/2018 09:25

It’s a bit creepy but they are close in age and he’s not her tutor any more so I think you have to let it be.

Bestseller · 24/10/2018 09:25

I wouldn't worry about the age gap, but I get it I would worry that he's prepared to even consider a relationship with her in those circumstances.

There's nothing you can do about it though

CuriousaboutSamphire · 24/10/2018 09:26

Yes, it is unreasonable.

You are going to have to get over this, if you want your relationship with your daughter to be an amicable one!

Sallygoroundthemoon · 24/10/2018 09:27

YABVU. There is a 6 year age gap and nothing happened while he was her supervisor. They will have lots in common and like the same things so it sounds a great match!

BarbarianMum · 24/10/2018 09:27

The age gap is normal. Noticing you fancy someone you are in close contact with is normal. Acting on those feeling if there is no reason not to is normal. Really not seeing the problem here.

Fwiw dh and I started dating the moment he was no longer my line manager at work. We have a 6 year age gap too, though we were a little older that your dd/boyfriend. If my mother had raised objections based in our former working relationship id have thought her mad.

hazeydays14 · 24/10/2018 09:28

I’m not far off your daughters age and I’d be mortified if my mother thought she had a say in my love life!

They are both adults and it’s barely an age gap. Don’t push her away by lecturing her on this.

LEMtheoriginal · 24/10/2018 09:28

Half my department ended up together/married. Some were supervisor/student relationships.

Its hardly surprising - shared interest in a niche subject. So likely to have other things in common similar personality type etc.

Your DD is an adult. Thus may be the love of her life or it may be a quick fling. He may be genuine he may not but your dd is a grown, educated, woman not a vulnerable 6th form student.

pumpkinpie01 · 24/10/2018 09:28

She obviously doesnt find it weird so would just leave her to it.

Waspnest · 24/10/2018 09:29

I wouldn't worry about the age gap, but I get it I would worry that he's prepared to even consider a relationship with her in those circumstances.

There's nothing you can do about it though

^ This

Aquamarine1029 · 24/10/2018 09:29

You are being absolutely ridiculous. Your daughter is a grown woman FGS!

DieAntword · 24/10/2018 09:30

My only concern would be that the tutor/tutee dynamic would continue into the relationship long term and he would find it difficult psychologically if she ever exceeded him (intellectually, career etc) but at 24 it’s her that needs to be doing the worrying about that not you.

Housingcraze · 24/10/2018 09:30

There 8 years between me and my partner

Capretta · 24/10/2018 09:30

Even if it started when he was her tutor, it would only be exploitation of power legally if she was under the age of 18.

So, unless the university has a policy about tutor/student relationships, then it's fine.

It's not creepy at all. She's 24. He's 30.

Glumglowworm · 24/10/2018 09:30

Six years is barely an age gap once you’re in your 20s

YABU, they’re both adults, she says nothing happened while he was her tutor, shecan date whoever she wants

MamaLovesMango · 24/10/2018 09:30

age gap
What age gap?!

Confused
peachgreen · 24/10/2018 09:31

Perfectly normal at post-grad level.

ExtraTezza · 24/10/2018 09:31

@trob22 age gap?? I’m 26 and my DH is 10 years older. Let them get on with it

IStandWithPosie · 24/10/2018 09:31

It’s a bit creepy

It’s really not. She isn’t a teenager!

jaseyraex · 24/10/2018 09:31

What age gap?! 7 years between me and my husband and we met when I was 21 and he was my boss! Your daughter is a grown woman, leave her alone to make her own decisions.

Thisreallyisafarce · 24/10/2018 09:32

This is entirely her business, not yours. Two adults, one of whom used to be - and now isn't - responsible for making sure the other gets through uni okay. I don't see the issue.

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