to think my daughter shouldn't date her former tutor?

[trob22]

My daughter is 24 and recently finished a masters course. Now she is in a relationship with the tutor who was her personal supervisor, who is 30. She keeps saying that nothing happened until after she got her results so nothing inappropriate, now they are both adults who just happened to meet each other etc etc.... Even leaving aside the age gap, I think that is completely inappropriate for a tutor to even look at a student in that way, never mind to start dating them afterwards. There obviously must have been some flirtatious relationship between them when she was his student for them to start dating so soon after, which I think is horrifying. Is that unreasonable?

11 years between me and DH. And he was my supervisor at my first job. That's how people meet FFS.

She's 24, it's non of your business

This is so so normal. I have lots of friends doing PhDs who also lecture/tutor who are in relationships with former students. Mutual interests, down to earth nice people, cosy setting. It happens.

Where I work I recently sold a house to a lovely couple who met at university, he was her lecturer. Actually transpires that he's 40 and she's only 23 so they have quite a large age gap and her family weren't happy, but they're lovely and very in love. Plus I would have said she's mid twenties and he's early thirties so never would have guessed they are quite different in age.

There are 6 years between me and DP that's not a bit age gap at all! Though my mum had the same reaction when we met and seemed scandalised

NCAcademic I think people assuming she fucked her way through are the problem, not dating someone once studying etc is over.

Quack I completely agree that it is a shite assumption, but even so it exists. It's one I've had made about me (irony: I wasn't actually fucking the guy but people assumed I was). And in somerarecases that is exactly what the student in question is trying to do. Both of which are why, if a student asked me whether I thought it was a good move to date her former tutor, I would advise her to wait 12 months after graduation. That and...there is a weird relationship between tutor and tutee in academia. For her own emotional sake, it is better to have shaken any of that off before engaging in what should be a relationship of equals.

She's an adult and at university the tutors are just other students studying the topic at a higher level (so maybe a PHD student tutoring an undergrad). Nothing seedy about it, not a big age gap (not that I think age matters) and really it's none of your business who she dates?

I can’t see a problem here OP, sorry

She's an adult and at university the tutors are just other students studying the topic at a higher level

Why would you think this?

I tutor students and I promise I'm fully qualified. My emeritus professor colleague tutored a student last year. He's 67.

@izzy that's not true.

What age gap?16 - 22 = age gap; 18 - 24 = age gap; 20 - 26 = no age gap; 24 - 30 = no age gap. They're both adults, they've met at work, meh.

What I find most interesting about this post is the beliefs that it conveys. A tutor looking at a student in that way...I imagine if there was any looking it went both ways, not unusual among adults who find one another attractive. Horrifying...a tad dramatic? Genocide is horrifying. Jack the Ripper's crimes were horrifying. Two adults dating doesn't really cut it.

An establishment which uses unqualified just-a-bit-older-students as tutors is not one I'd pay for, attend or recommend.

An establishment which uses unqualified just-a-bit-older-students as tutors is not one I'd pay for, attend or recommend.

I went to a Russell Group university. It is very common for postgraduate students to work as tutors with undergraduate students. They are not the main tutors, of course - it's more a form of extra support. But it's absolutely normal, and a way for postgrads to get experience and make some money.

Struggling to see the issue here op.