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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I am a mug but pay this anyway...

284 replies

MrsNacho · 23/10/2018 12:27

Exp moved 250 miles away, not as soon as we split up but 2 years after. He comes up in the school holidays and collects his children, one with me, one from a previous relationship, has them for a week and brings them back.

He had just text me and said he hasn't the money to bring them home so can I lend him £100 for fuel.

He works full time, I work part time. He doesn't pay maintenance (something always comes up which means he can't afford it that month. He pays for his other child)

He does all of the journeys but it was his choice to move away. His parent moved and he followed them, he had a job etc in our area.

So AIBU to think I am a mug but really I have no choice but to give him the money. They are back to school on Monday and he doesn't get paid till Wednesday.

More of a rant really but so frustrated!

OP posts:
TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 23/10/2018 12:28

If the alternative is not getting your kid back I'd pay it. Then I'd go to CMS and get maintenance payments sorted.

nomoremrsniceguy · 23/10/2018 12:29

Yes assuming you can pay. What would he do if you couldn't? I'd call his bluff on this one.

nomoremrsniceguy · 23/10/2018 12:29

He's, not yes. Sorry for the typo!

RayRayBidet · 23/10/2018 12:29

Do you think he will pay you back?

ShatnersBalloonFromPennywise · 23/10/2018 12:29

Had he exhausted all other options for borrowing a few pounds?

OutPinked · 23/10/2018 12:30

He doesn’t pay maintenance? Get onto CMS right away and no, definitely don’t pay!

BiologyMatters · 23/10/2018 12:31

Why aren't you going through cms? I would hold out as long as possible before paying it. There must be somebody he can borrow it from. I wouldn't think you've got any hope of getting that money back and why should you pay for him returning his other kid?

LittleOwl153 · 23/10/2018 12:31

If he pays for his other child and not yours then no I wouldn't.

There is a reason why he is coming to you and not the other childs other parent. He appears to have you for the mug.
I would also get onto the CMS and ensure that he pays for yours in future. Why should your child miss out.

Thingsdogetbetter · 23/10/2018 12:31

He can borrow off his parents or a payday loan etc. He's probably trying it on with other child's mum too. He's a chancer. Don't fall for it.

And why the fuck aren't you claiming maintenance? That to me makes you a mug. Cms immediately on children's return.

pinkyredrose · 23/10/2018 12:31

Don't pay! Is he asking the mother of his other kid too?

LittleBookofCalm · 23/10/2018 12:32

will he pay you back?
i think i would lend him the money

LittleBookofCalm · 23/10/2018 12:33

fuel cant be that much anyway?

Original poster
MrsNacho · 23/10/2018 12:33

I have thought about going through CMS but he changes his job every few months so it would be pointless. He always days he will pay something the next month but then his car break/he moves house etc.
I tend to just let it go to keep the peace, for what he earns it is worth more to keep a good relationship. (Of me being a mug and him taking advantage)

OP posts:
Grimbles · 23/10/2018 12:33

How much is he asking for from the mother of his other child?

What does he drive that means it costs £100 in fuel for 500 miles? For comparison, I drive a 2l diesel, its £60 to fill my tank and I get around 450 miles.

Can you go and collect or ask someone to collect and call his bluff?

LittleBookofCalm · 23/10/2018 12:34

can you meet him halfway?

FishesThatFly · 23/10/2018 12:37

I'd call his bluff and say no however he'll have to phone the school and explain the absence.

He won't want to keep the kids there any longer than he has too.

He's just making a mug out of you. He probably tried it with the other mum and she didn't stand for it.

Tahani · 23/10/2018 12:38

What does he drive that means it costs £100 in fuel for 500 miles? For comparison, I drive a 2l diesel, its £60 to fill my tank and I get around 450 miles.

This!

Original poster
MrsNacho · 23/10/2018 12:38

I just had a look on the fuel calculator thing and it's saying £47 each way for fuel, it's 280 wach way (sorry miscalculated).

He can't get any kind of loan (poor credit)

I doubt he has asked his other ex as she would not be pleased at all.

If I meet him half way I am still paying for 280 miles of fuel... and I have only recently passed my test, that's a hell of a journey. It's an option though.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 23/10/2018 12:40

But he manages to pay for his other child? How come the car fixing, house moving, job changing doesn't affect that? Or has he realised you desire for a 'quiet life' means you're a mug?

Original poster
MrsNacho · 23/10/2018 12:40

Seems his fuel calculation is a bit off? He dissent drive an especially powerful car, 1.4/1.6 engine I would guess.

OP posts:
LittleBookofCalm · 23/10/2018 12:41

Does he have parents?

Maccycheesefries · 23/10/2018 12:41

Can you go by train to collect your child?

FishesThatFly · 23/10/2018 12:42

More fool you OP if you entertain this shit. I certainly wouldn't which is why my ex doesn't try it on

Singlenotsingle · 23/10/2018 12:43

Just say no. Sorry you can't afford it. He'll have to bring them back when he gets paid, and you'll ring the school and explain they'll be late back (and the reason why).

LittleBookofCalm · 23/10/2018 12:44

sorry, i see he followed his parents. he should borrow from them op.
do you think he would pay you back?