AiBU to be fed up about this person saying I don't look disabled?

[Whereismumhiding2]

The AIBU is I didn't know how to deal with this, and I should do, but I felt mortified, like a rabbit in headlights. And it makes me wonder how many other people would think it's ok to actually do what this lady did?

I'm disabled, chronic spinal condition, which can be one of those hidden disabilities that doesn't show unless you functionally watch me move. Had major spinal surgery last year so I'm more upright than normal but have DPB as I can't walk far without equipment, but can do 10 metres grimacing.

I'm also young, in my 40s, with DC so I have to just manage how I can. Disabled bays are lifesavers for meto.limit how far I have to walk and give me enough space to get out with my car lever device.

I had a bad pain day and was lucky enough to find a Disabled Bay near shop entrance. Put my DPB up. Got out slowly with help from my 10yo DD and sent her off to get trolley as it acts as a walking frame to lean on instead of getting out my sticks.

An 82 yr old lady with rollator shopping trolley walked up to me saying "Are you disabled?" I was confused and said "Yes, I don't understand why you're asking me?" She then keep going "But you don't look disabled.." (I was holding onto a metal half height bollard waiting for DD to return) "Have you got a disabled sticker?" I replied "Yes it's in my car there" . She kept going on and wouldn't leave me alone. "But you don't look disabled, I'm 82, my daughter just dropped me off and she doesn't think you look disabled either"
I asked her, "have you not been able to park? There's other Disabled bays up there but I'm waiting for my DD to come back with trolley so we can shop.. I don't understand why you are asking me this .."

She started telling me details of her disability and all the time I was just feeling hot & mortified and wanting to ask her to leave me alone. It felt like other people were looking. . She was asking how I was disabled, repeating that I didn't look disabled despite my DPB!

Luckily my DD came back with trolley and said, "there you go mum lean on this, I'll get the bags" and DD said 'hello' to lady 'let's go mum' , I said "well Bye then" and slowly moved off.

I didn't want to be rude to an old lady who was talking in the sweetest of voices but i felt so embarrassed that she'd singled me out to challenge when she could have just looked at front of my car. Or realised that in an industrial estate/shopping centre car park so heavily wardened, it wasn't her job to police why I'm disabled and using one of the Disabled Bays.

Nope, don't go around making disabled people's lives worse by continually policing their use of bays when they have a blue badge!
Why can't people actually READ what others post. I said that if you have a blue badge you should NOT be asked, end of. Only if you do NOT have a blue badge AND do NOT look as if you need the space should it be okay for anyone to mention it. So if you have no badge and leap out of your car and do cartwheels round it then I think it's fine to say something in a polite and non-accusatory tone. If you have a badge or look like things are a struggle then no-one should say a word.

You are the person everyone on this thread is complaining about hmm just mind your own business instead of making disabled peoples lives even harder.
No actually Fizz I'm not. I'm the one trying to make it so that disabled people still have spaces to park in. If you (and several other people) had actually bothered to read what I'd written you would clearly see that I said if you have a badge you don't get asked. It's only where someone does NOT have a badge.
And how many parking attendants does anyone actually see in car parks and on the roads? Because I rarely see them.

I get it all the time. I never prove they're my badges, it's none of their business. I just say report me. What I will say is it is, without fail, always a pensioner who has a go.

I hope it’s OK to say this but I am now far more on the look out for people being dicks to folk who have hidden disabilities, and have learnt a huge Amount from threads like these.

OP - for all the miserable old bats who are mean to you (and their daughters), there are more of us that you have help educate and hopefully helped to be more kind and tolerant.

She sounds quite lonely?

Could people please stop using aged and sexist terms such as old bag/bat, etc? While I agre that it tends to be, in my experience, older people that will accost those younger people with blue badges, there’s no need to stoop to ageist/sexist insults. However, feel free to call them arses, fuckers, etc. 😁

if you have a badge you don't get asked. It's only where someone does NOT have a badge

It can take months, sometimes years for people to get a proper diagnosis for their symptoms. With M.E it takes on average 7 years to get diagnosed as they try and rule out everything else first. So do not badger people because the likelyhood they are faking it is small and not worth being nasty to a disabled person. Again it's none of your business.

I hope it’s OK to say this but I am now far more on the look out for people being dicks to folk who have hidden disabilities, and have learnt a huge Amount from threads like these

I know. I actually can't believe the NERVE of some people that they would ask a total stranger to show them their blue badge. I mean WTF. How those types of people have made it through life without being met with some sort of physical altercation I don't know.

My terminally ill father gets the same when he uses his blue badge.
He looks them right in the eye and tells them what's wrong with him to watch them squirm. I appreciate that's not for everyone though.
Sorry this happened to you op

He looks them right in the eye and tells them what's wrong with him to watch them squirm

It's actually disgusting. I am in shock that this is so common.

I get this, I've got ME/CFS & chronic osteoarthritis plus other conditions. One day I'd gone out for the day with my DS, I needed the loo but by the time I got there it was too late, I was wet through, we had to leave & find somewhere to get me some dry clothes, we stopped at a big supermarket in the next town, I bought some leggings & incontinence type underwear, after I'd paid I went to the disabled toilet to get changed & cleaned up, while I was in someone outside kept on trying the door even though it was locked. When I came out a man asked me why I was using a disabled toilet when I wasn't disabled? I lost the plot & showed him the bag of wet clothes & underwear & the incontinence stuff I'd had to buy, told him I'd peed myself & walked out in tears. I've never felt so ashamed in my life, I've got a blue badge & I've even had people ask to see the photo on it to prove I'm disabled, had people commenting about me using a disabled space & giving me that look when you know they don't believe you. They don't see me on my bad days, that's most days, when I can't get out of bed, can't get dressed & can't go out.

My son is severely disabled and has a parking permit. We get approached quite a bit as we park up and questioned why we are using the disabled bays. Both my husband and I are fit and young. This is usually before I've even started taking my son out of the car. I used to be pleasant and explain but sometimes I can't be arsed! When I'm ratty I point at the clearly displayed blue badge and tell them to hop on down off their high horses to check if there is a badge present before approaching innocent people.
In all fairness I understand protecting the spaces but parking and getting a non mobile person out of a car is stressful enough without having to explain myself.

I used to be pleasant and explain but sometimes I can't be arsed!

To be honest you are doing the world a favour if you are rude to them because hopefully it'll teach them not to approach other poor people

kaytee87 My poor husband was a very shy and private man and used to get really upset. It only stopped when started using a walking stick, though continued while he was sitting in the car. There are some nasty bastards out there.

I don’t judge disabled people sitting in the car, as there were many times that I’d have to take my husband back to the car, half way through shopping as the pain would kick in. I’d park the trolley with security, take him to the car and race round the shop. Or we’d be getting out of the car and he’d suddenly feel unable. I wasn’t going to pull out, find another parking space, then leave him, as it meant keeping him out longer. Other times he’d stay in the car and then I’d bring him in, when I got the main messages done, so he’d get a wee bit of ‘freedom’ and normality.

Where I am, it is illegal to copy your permit and can result in it being withdrawn and you being classified as ineligible. Not a good idea to suggest.

Agree, you absolutely shouldn’t create a replica badge - what I meant was an obvious A4 photocopy. I have a copy of my passport for when the details only are required. I wouldn’t try and cross a border with it!

Hi All, I've just got back from Post office trip, that I'd put off yesterday. PO DBay was full but I reverse parked next to it so I was able to get out of my car. Phew

I'm just catching up on posts I missed, haven't read them all yet, but have already put the first two stickers in my Amazon basket
Thankyou @butterfly56
That's a really simple fix for me!! (Lol at the third sticker , not my polite style but teehee!)

I'm disabled I'm 44. Got a neurological condition which means I will become progressively disabled loose my voice etc. Look very fit and well.
I must admit I always feel paranoid using disabled bay's although iv got a blue badge. People still look but when I get out and they see me walk they realise.
I always check too if I see a younger person to see if they have a blue badge. More often than not in the supermarket they haven't so I end up telling them off. If someone has a badge it's for a good reason.
One thing you could do is take a quick photo of them with your phone and tell them your reporting them for harassment

@Matildacat

She huffed and said I didn’t look disabled. I replied ‘Thank you. (Long pause) But actually I don’t think you meant it as a compliment and think you should apologise.’ After a lot more huffing she did apologise.

I love your reply!
You have brilliant timing! I wish I'd thought of it at the time.

If you have a badge you don't get asked. It's only where someone does NOT have a badge.
Bullshit! I get asked, snide looks and even one fucker at school every day for weeks that would stand outside my car window, arms folded and glare! I took her photo after putting up with it for ages.

Weird that folk get so het up over a small thing like this.

Someone has pointed out the real example of a man who was punched to death as a result of this 'entitled to challenge blue badge holders' attitude and you are calling it a small thing to get her up about?

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll. Firstly what a fabulous username! Great suggested reply. That's far more my style...

@Fuckedyfickfack (sooooo many original usernames on here today!!) Yes, that's exactly it!

@DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops That's rotten, that she kept going. It's the stranger stqrting then continuing when obviously incorrect /unjust that is upsetting.

@sashh threw his leg at them my sides hurt at that!!

I'm not upset at all by what @Rangerider has written. I didn't read into any of his/her posts that s/he went round accosting disabled people. But it's nice that RR clarified. Yet @fizzthecat1 makes two v good/kind points too.

I so love what @DerRosenkavelier wrote xxx

@Nat6999 I am mortified for you. What a horrid man. I hope you never meet such a horrible person again.

And the other PPs... I'm a bit shocked at what other disabled people, or partners/parents of disabled adults/ children have said they had to unnecessarily deal with. Another PP put it well, that we have enough to deal with without additional stresses.

But it all makes my 82 year old interrogating lady moment seem mild.

I'm very glad and appreciative of PP sharing their advice and support, or even just their stories.

It can feel very lonely when you are just struggling to get out and do everyday things.

(I meant lonely in the struggle, not generally lonely as I have super DC, friends and work colleagues)

And this is the reason I keep putting off applying for a BB despite having mountains of evidence for it. The thought of someone questioning me and making me feel like a lying piece of crap causes such anxiety, so I stay home instead.
I should really man up and say sod it but I just could t cope with attitudes like this.