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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to not know how to respond to this message...

646 replies

WigglyBraddins · 22/10/2018 12:14

...from a "gentleman" with whom I had a recent liaison?

"Urgh, this is horrible for me, and for you, and it could well sour things and I would hate myself if it did. But, I have to be honest. I said you were not my normal type, physically, and that is very true. I am really attracted to slim women, I can't help it and have tried before, with it not getting very far. I completely accept that circumstances and free time dictate how we are able to shape ourselves. I understand if you are hurt by this, and trust me I hate it having to be a thing. I hate the idea of men dictating to a woman what they should look like, and I am not telling you to do anything. I am just saying, in the past at least, this issue has got in the way. If you did feel like meeting me in the middle on this then I am realistic and not as demanding as you might initially think. As I say I totally understand that your circumstances and how they are not exactly kind in this respect. There are literally zero other red flags, especially none outside of your control, maybe. Urgh, I am so sorry, I know how this issue can really fuck women up but as I say I can't help what I like, but I am super realistic about what is possible and what is not. Urgh urgh."

Suggestions for an appropriate response would be very much appreciated.

OP posts:
drspouse · 22/10/2018 16:09

I don't think he'd understand anything witty.

There should be some sort of central registry for twats, like the DBS service. Then you could check for twattery before going on a date.

Best response I never made to a twat:
Twat: "Sorry it was a nice date but I can't see myself sleeping with you"
Me: "I don't recall offering".

AnotherCareerThread · 22/10/2018 16:09

'I am genuinely embarrassed for you.'

I changed my mind, THIS

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 22/10/2018 16:11

I'm really sorry I'm not your ideal but I have this uncontrollable urge to eat cake whenever I have to listen to someone chatting utter bollocks. I think we should end it now. I realise it can really fuck men up to be dumped by text and I honestly would have called you but I was brought up not to talk with my mouth full.

Onlineslop · 22/10/2018 16:11

“I wasn’t going to say anything but I find that I can’t look past the extra lump of tissue at the end of your penis - you.”

Twork · 22/10/2018 16:14

And you want him in your life because...?

"Thanks for your text. I'm glad you've raised red flags as there was something I wanted to raise but wasn't sure how to. Ugh. This is really awkward and I don't want to fuck you up either. I hope you take this as intended. I understand life sometimes get's in the way and sometimes we are a victim of our circumstances but ugh. How do I say this truthfully but kindly? I guess I just have to say it and hope you take it as feedback. I do think that you have the ability to act on it and change it. I am not telling you what to do, I don't want to control you but sometimes things are obvious and sometimes they need to be said. I think this falls into the latter category but as I say, I honestly believe it's something you have control over. So, I feel I have to tell you and that I have the obligation to tell you that you are a complete wanker. Unfortunately I don't think this is something we can meet in the middle over so please do not contact me again."

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 22/10/2018 16:15

Please don't reply with comments about the size of his penis as has been suggested. It comes off as a bit desperate and will let him know he's gotten to you. Don't give him the satisfaction.

I really think the best way to mess with his head is to ignore him completely.

CakeAndTea1 · 22/10/2018 16:18

Just respond with 'Urgh'. As he so intellectually used in his message several times.

Or the genuinely embarrassed for you. Don't need to get into a tit for tat back and forth but it let's him know that he's being an utter weirdo.

I don't understand, are there actually people about that have such an inflated ego that they think someone would even be willing to change themselves in this manner to appease them? No thanks. There is literally nothing about another person that is so special that it's ever okay to suggest this sort of thing.

Come back when you look like Brad Pitt...and I'll still tell you to fuck off then.

chocolatebox1 · 22/10/2018 16:18

The best thing to do is make out you find it funny and are despairing at him embarrassing himself with his garbled message, which will deflate him

alligatorsmile · 22/10/2018 16:19

"Ha ha, very funny, give the phone back to your dad"

MortyVicar · 22/10/2018 16:22

The problem with ignoring it and not replying is that although the OP knows the motivation for not doing so, it doesn't send the message that she doesn't give two hoots about his opinion. He might well be thinking that his text has really hit home and that she's sitting on the sofa destroyed by what he's said and in between tears is frantically googling how to lose weight so that she can be more attractive to him.

I think a bright and breezy reply, not stooping to his level with comments about his dick, and then blocking him before he can respond is what's needed.

TinklyLittleFart · 22/10/2018 16:24

Another vote for "lol" and immediately block.

Shadow1234 · 22/10/2018 16:28

I'd reply with:

'Sorry, but your 'ugly personality' leaves no room for negotiations!!

alligatorsmile · 22/10/2018 16:29

They do say never to argue with an idiot or an arsehole - they'll drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience!

Hopoindown31 · 22/10/2018 16:29

I don't think it deserves a response to be honest.

Joey7t8 · 22/10/2018 16:30

@MortyVicar ‘s suggestion of a bright and breezy response is also good, thinking about it. Something civil and grown up like ‘Never mind, it was not meant to be. Good luck in the future.’

m00rfarm · 22/10/2018 16:31

I love "I am genuinely embarrassed for you" - although he may be stupid enough to read it that she is embarrassed for herself, which would be even worse.

puzzledlady · 22/10/2018 16:31

I’m would reply with ‘urgh urgh cancel the cheque urgh urgh’ then send him a link to this. Then scare him silly and say the DailyMail may/may not pick this up tomorrow. Grin

ChimesAtMidnight · 22/10/2018 16:34

I am genuinely embarrassed for you or ignore.
Joking aside, I genuinely feel pity for someone who feels so insecure that the only way to feel good about himself is to belittle and denigrate others.
He must lead a very sad and lonely life.

itswinetime · 22/10/2018 16:35

if your responding the only was is to put the 2 best lines of the thread together.

'I am genuinely embarrassed for you, I choose cake

Those posters nailed it!

Solenti · 22/10/2018 16:36

But that's the thing with people with huge egos Morty...ANY reply, be it LOL, comments about his penis, long speeches about not giving a shit or picking cake look like exactly what they are; a pissed off women trying to think up a hilarious answer to a rude message because she DOES care, quite a lot actually. Saying nothing would never strike me as someone being terribly upset, it would strike me as I couldn't be arsed to give him the time of day. I guarantee whatever is said will end up in his brain as a problem with the women...So why waste your time. He won't think "Oh no, I've got a tiny willy!" - he will think "Oh look, I've touched a nerve there!". The OP won't win. No answer gives nothing back to him, no response to his negging (which is the sole purpose of negging), no idea what is going on with the OP. Nothing. He is insignificant now anyway, delete and move on.

StillAFeminist · 22/10/2018 16:37

Another vote for 'I am genuinely embarrassed for you' then block

If you met him through a dating site I would forward the message onto them, if he has a habit of doing this (and I suspect he does) they'll act when they have enough evidence of a pattern of abuse.

If he managed to cover up his horrible personality enough that you might have considered another date he's done you a favour

PerceptionIsReality · 22/10/2018 16:38

LOL. No thanks. I like cheesecake better than sex with you.

JaceLancs · 22/10/2018 16:38

I was just message back
Thanks for confirming that we are definitely not compatable

Furble · 22/10/2018 16:38

Wait for the Daily Mail to pick this up and send him the link to the article! Grin

wopbamboo · 22/10/2018 16:39

Dont reply. I will bet my bottom dollar that if you do, he will turn nasty. Look at ByeFelipe on Instagram. Its an instagram dedicated to guys who turn hostile when turned down.

He's looking for attention, block and ignore.