Indian meal meltdown

[HouseholdItem]

The scenario:

I was busy all day Saturday out doing errands etc.

(D)P was working 7-3 shift.

I texted him while out & about to see what he & DS wanted for dinner and the result was that I purchased an M&S Indian 'takeaway' on the way home.

On arrival home (D)P was on the sofa in a blanket with his feet up. DS was playing on his Xbox. I confirmed that I'd got the Indian meal and went through to the kitchen to put it in the fridge.

(D)P shouted through after me that he wanted to eat about 8. (It was by now about 7pm.)

I mentioned that I was going up for a shower and would he put the oven on & food in oven in about 20 mins.

At this he became angry, petulant and aggressive- saying 'no way' was he getting the food ready as he had 'been at work all day'. He had been in the sofa since about (3.30pm).

I had not been idle all day and pointed out that I had in fact been on the go longer than him, having got up the same time and only just returned home at 6.50pm.

I reiterated that he needed to prepare the food. When I was upstairs I heard lots of noises, banging, swearing etc.

When I came down I found that he had thrown the outer cardboard carrying box containing the selection of food into the kitchen floor and one of the containers had burst. There was food splattered all over the units, floor & fridge. He proceeded to heat and eat the meals for him and DS and did not leave me any. Presumably there was not enough after the wasted split container. There was also a load in the bin.

I feel his behaviour is just the last straw. He is spiteful, selfish & unkind. I don't want to live with him any more.

(a) AIBU to feel that he could have prepared the food on this occasion and
(b) would this count as an example of unreasonable behaviour (grounds to divorce him).

Op - I was you (standing to eat your dinner while ensuring ds/dh ok). Went on for years and got much worse.

I’m out of it now (but took me years) and I now live with my mother.

It’s hard (I feel embarrassed) but its doable and I’m safe. Ds is actually happier.

Please, keep your head in this, see solicitor on the quest and with their advice prepare to go.

If you’d seen me 5 years ago, everyone thought I was so trapped and I’d be like that until dh decided to leave or I’d be terribly ill.

I’m so much better now. I’m lonely but less lonely than living with someone who actively hated me.

He sounds vile and he’s sucking the life out of you.

redastherose what you said was incorrect. “Joint and severally liable” means that if one party doesn’t contribute the lender will look to the other party to pay the full amount.

OP I am trying to leave my husband, I am planning what to do but sometimes I think this is fucking ridiculous how can I leave it won't work, and then he dishes out another round of hot contempt and I know what I have to do - I'd have no self respect otherwise, and my DDs have said to me the best thing I can do for them is to let them see me be happy .

I know how it feels to think you are resolved and then you feel you just cannot do it, but if I can, you can. The catalyst for me was the realisation that if I didn't get away, DDs might think that this was how men treat women and it was ok.

@MooseBeTimeForSnow joint and several liability means that the Bank can look to both parties jointly or each of them severally to pay. They can go after either party but since he is the one with the FT job he is the easier target as he has a larger wage against which the Bank can secure a Garnishee Order or whatever it may be called now!