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AIBU?

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Original poster

Indian meal meltdown

204 replies

HouseholdItem · 21/10/2018 22:08

The scenario:

I was busy all day Saturday out doing errands etc.

(D)P was working 7-3 shift.

I texted him while out & about to see what he & DS wanted for dinner and the result was that I purchased an M&S Indian 'takeaway' on the way home.

On arrival home (D)P was on the sofa in a blanket with his feet up. DS was playing on his Xbox. I confirmed that I'd got the Indian meal and went through to the kitchen to put it in the fridge.

(D)P shouted through after me that he wanted to eat about 8. (It was by now about 7pm.)

I mentioned that I was going up for a shower and would he put the oven on & food in oven in about 20 mins.

At this he became angry, petulant and aggressive- saying 'no way' was he getting the food ready as he had 'been at work all day'. He had been in the sofa since about (3.30pm).

I had not been idle all day and pointed out that I had in fact been on the go longer than him, having got up the same time and only just returned home at 6.50pm.

I reiterated that he needed to prepare the food. When I was upstairs I heard lots of noises, banging, swearing etc.

When I came down I found that he had thrown the outer cardboard carrying box containing the selection of food into the kitchen floor and one of the containers had burst. There was food splattered all over the units, floor & fridge. He proceeded to heat and eat the meals for him and DS and did not leave me any. Presumably there was not enough after the wasted split container. There was also a load in the bin.

I feel his behaviour is just the last straw. He is spiteful, selfish & unkind. I don't want to live with him any more.

(a) AIBU to feel that he could have prepared the food on this occasion and
(b) would this count as an example of unreasonable behaviour (grounds to divorce him).

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 21/10/2018 22:35

Go see a solicitor tomorrow and get him out of your life. You’ll be much happier. Your dc do not need this example of how to treat women.

bluebell34567 · 21/10/2018 22:35

i dont agree that you doing errands is not a paid job so its not important. you werent lazing around you were doing stuff that had to be done by you or by your dh.

WankStainWasher · 21/10/2018 22:35

Life's too short to put up with that shit. He won't change or improve. You deserve better.

One thing I was told by my divorce lawyer was that you can basically say anything is "unreasonable behaviour" - even down to "he was unkind about the clothes I wore".

So, get your ducks in a row and then get him the fuck out of your life!

Original poster
HouseholdItem · 21/10/2018 22:35

DS said today I hope you soon get better Mum. I was and said what did he mean, I wasn't ill. Turns out he has been telling DS that I am 'not well' and that's why we argue!

I was so angry but also sad that he is manipulating DS almost against me.

In the past if I have mentioned not being happy / wanting to leave- he has threatened me. I can't say how for fear of being outed, but it is emotional blackmail.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 21/10/2018 22:36

Yes and yes. It's a fucking ready meal and utterly mindless to prepare but instead he chose to have a tantrum then leave you without your dinner. Wanker.

If this is typical of his behaviour, he needs to be consigned to a future of prick with a fork meals for one.

Wincarnis · 21/10/2018 22:36

Please don’t spend the rest of your life walking on eggshells and pandering to the moods of an arse.

LeftRightCentre · 21/10/2018 22:37

He's abusive. You don't need grounds to leave him. He's a cunt.

Gemini69 · 21/10/2018 22:38

omg this is an awful situation OP.. Flowers

Mrskeats · 21/10/2018 22:38

Manipulating your child as well. Shocking.
Ok I think you need some moral support. Have you friends or family you can talk to?

Feefeetrixabelle · 21/10/2018 22:39

Call women’s aid op they will be able to advise you on your rights and provide support.

zzzzz · 21/10/2018 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

placebobebo · 21/10/2018 22:39

Let me guess you will have to move out with nothing and because you are so unstable he will keep sole residency of your son.
They all say that as a control mechanism when the truth is they don't want a kid cramping their style.
Leave him and get contact court ordered with you as the main care provider so that he cannot threaten you with keeping your child from you.

Henrysmycat · 21/10/2018 22:40

Both incidents are absolutely vile.
My DH, which he’s not perfection reincarnated, he would probably have gone to pick up the takeaway and he’d have laid the table. Sure paid employment is not the same (what-the-fuck-ever that means) but it’s not like you were sitting on your ass smoking.
He also treats me to things cause I’m a tight arse most times.
Why are you doing this to yourself?
I lost my DSis to DV, get out, life’s too short to put up with assholes.

fuzzywuzzy · 21/10/2018 22:41

If he’s threatening to hurt himself if you leave him just let him get on with it. I guarantee he won’t.

If he’s threatening you go to the police and ask your solicitor about getting a non moleststion order against him.

If he’s threatening to take the dc that’s not how the law works.

But when you go see a solicitor and instruct one do tell him/her what threats your H has been making to you if you leave.

PickAChew · 21/10/2018 22:41

And, seeing your last update, he's a gaslighting, lying wanker.

Elephant14 · 21/10/2018 22:41

you need to get some supporting RL OP; in the meantime start a diary note down what he does. I can't believe he said that to your son the poor boy - how old is your DS? And who owns the house?

ThisIsNotMyRealName1 · 21/10/2018 22:45

It sounds like a horrible environment for you and your DS. Don't tell him you want to leave, just make your plans and go. Do you have RL support?

Itchyknees · 21/10/2018 22:46

Is he your child’s father?

Original poster
HouseholdItem · 21/10/2018 22:47

The house is jointly owned since about 8 years ago. Before that it was in my name only. He has been contributing to controlling household expenses since about 2008.

He tells me if I leave I won't get a penny and the house will get repossessed. I can't afford the mortgage on my own as I work part time since DS (10) was born.

I have been thinking about packing up and taking DS to my dad's house as there is room there and dad knows I'm unhappy.

OP posts:
Original poster
HouseholdItem · 21/10/2018 22:47

What is gaslighting sorry, don't understand?

OP posts:
Original poster
HouseholdItem · 21/10/2018 22:48

I have some RL support, though lowered self esteem / depression has distanced ms from many former friends.

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 21/10/2018 22:48

Why would it get repossessed?
Go to your dads.

hestia2018 · 21/10/2018 22:49

That sounds awful OP. It’s not normal behaviour. My DH would never, ever feed himself and the kids and not me, even if we’ve had an argument. Did your DS think it odd you didn’t have any dinner?

IAmNotAWitch · 21/10/2018 22:49

You get ONE life. Don't waste it on this man. Just don't.

Unicyclethief · 21/10/2018 22:49

Do you want your son to learn the same behaviour? Get out, now.

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