AIBU to ignore neighbours’ complaint?

[Zitouna]

We are currently living in a short term rental flat, while our house is being renovated. It was supposed to be for 6 months, but builders’ delays mean it will be 8 months by the time we move out (in 6 weeks).

We have a 7 month old baby - he’s had Colic, reflux, CMPA etc. Despite this he slept pretty well until 4 months. But these days he goes down reliably at 7, then has a couple of feeds overnight and screams when winding, as well as some crying wakings in between where we put the dummy in. For the past week or so those wakings have often led to prolonged howling, where nothing works to comfort him, for 1-2 hours (he’s got a cold, maybe teething).

Last week our downstairs neighbours (directly below) buzzed the flat to ask to come up for a chat one evening. I asked what about, and they said they were having disturbed nights because of the baby noise. I said that i was sorry and was doing my best to calm him, but there really wasn’t anything more I could do. Obviously we would prefer him to sleep through and that the crying kept us up too.

Neighbour replied that ‘they didn’t ask to have this inflicted on them’ and that they were having to go away this weekend ‘for some respite’. I asked whether she would like me to leave the flat overnight with the baby, as aside from that, there really wasn’t anything I could do. I told them we were moving out in 6 weeks. I said I didn’t see the point in their coming up to discuss it, and I would send my husband down to talk to them when he got home. In fact, he decided there was no point in talking to them about it, so we’ve both just ignored them and done nothing further.

I really can’t do anything to reduce the noise (there’s nowhere else in the flat that the cot can go apart from in our bedroom) unless anyone has a miracle baby sleep solution...

So...AIBU to completely ignore the neighbours now or should we communicate with them in some way? And AIBU to say there isn’t anything we can do about the noise? Fair to say that the situation has added to my sleep-deprived stress levels and made me feel even more rubbish...

I think it’s fair to chat to them.
You’ll say (calmly) “what would you want us to do about it?”
They won’t have an answer.
You can remind them you’re leaving soon and... you can all move on with your lives!

You poor thing. They've probably been reassured to hear that you're moving! I remember living next door to a baby that cried frequently during the night on the other side of my bedroom wall. It was hard, but it didn't occur to me to complain!

Maybe just slip a note thru to say you're not leaving your babyhen he cries, but trying to calm him, and to say again that you're sorry it's tough but that you're leaving soon and hopefully it will be quieter for them then.

But you're right in that there's not a lot you can do and it's par for the course to expect noise in a flat.

Difficult one, yes I know you said that the crying keeps you up too, but you cannot use that as your defence.It is quite different when it is your own baby and it is quite likely that they have to get up and function at work. Can you take your baby in to the living room at night when the crying is at the worst or even sit in the kitchen?

I could take him into the living room or kitchen I suppose. Unfortunately the curtains in there are pretty thin and a lot of light comes in from the road, so it’s not really that conducive to him going back to sleep.

I didn’t mean his keeping us up to be a defence! Rather I was saying that we were already doing everything we could already for our own sakes...

Honestly I'd just ignore it - you're only there for six more weeks. Yes it's not great for them, but there's things they can do to dampen the noise on their end too –ear plugs, etc. And this is just unfortunately one of the perils of living in a flat –sometimes stuff like this will happen.

If you can move to a different part of the flat to minimise the noise then that might be worth trying, but if it's just that wherever you are in the flat, the noise is travelling, then there's not really much you can do. You can get gro-blinds for the windows to black out light that are temporary and leave no mark.

I have gone through this. Our downstairs neighbour used to bang on the ceiling when our DD was crying at night. Which did not help her to settle one bit. I actually went down to see my neighbour to apologise and reassure her that we were doing our best but the baby was going through an unsettled spell. It made no difference - my neighbour wasn’t interested, just kept saying she couldn’t sleep. We eventually swapped rooms for a time so that the baby was at the other side of the flat. About a month later I met a couple outside who lived next door who remarked that this must be the baby they had been hearing - my heart sunk as I thought here we go again! But no, they said they didn’t mind the noise as it was a baby and were delighted to meet her. So yes, I sympathise with you and think if you can remove the baby from the room when it is crying it would save you being concerned about keeping the neighbours up. Not an easy situation but one that will go past soon.

Just repeat what you've already said, but perhaps to be polite you could offer to buy them some (Poundland) earplugs.

You could put up better curtains.

I feel sorry for you and your neighbours

I remember those days with my ds

He had CMPA and reflux that wasn’t diagnosed for months so we had months of him waking up every 2 hours and then needing 90 minutes screaming before going back to sleep.

Eventually the only thing that worked was him sleeping in his baby swing. We had the motion going and white noise and he eventually settled down for 4-6 hours.

I know they aren’t supposed to sleep in them especially over night, but me and my dh were at wits end and desperate for some respite

Ignore them and do what you need to get your baby back to sleep.

If they piss you off then you can actually report them for harrassment as your baby's crying doesn't count as a noise nuisance, though the best thing to do is if they come around when your baby is crying is to hand the crying baby to them and ask them to stop your baby crying.

Ignore them - there’s nothing you can do and make that clear to them. Babies cry, it’s tough but at least they don’t have to deal with it. I lived next door to a night club for a year - it was noisy, so I bought a white noise machine and ear plugs. If you live in a flat there will be noise from other residents and babies aren’t all that considerate of other people’s beauty sleep. I sometimes take DD (4 months) into the living room if she’s screaming but it doesn’t make a huge difference tbh.

Silicone ear plugs are good. I've had neighbours bang on wall before, it was stressful.

Really, what are they expecting you to do?! Babies cry, that's life, and when you live in a flat you will hear babies cry, buy them some earplugs (although they should buy their own and probably could have done that instead of talking to you) and be done with it

Whilst there's nothing you can do I do think you could at least meet with them to express this point. Ignoring would seem as though frankly you don't give a shiny shit and would gladly attach a microphone to your baby to amplify the screaming. They're quite fortunate in that you are leaving soon but things being different might have meant that you were all in it for the long haul.

I wouldn't ignore them, it's bad enough that they've felt the need to tell you so the least you could do is have a chat. I can totally see where they're coming from to be fair, I'd be really pissed if my sleep was disturbed by a baby that wasn't mine. You really should be taking the baby into a different room when you know it would help.

Ignore them. Don't let them stress you out.

I really sympathise with you. Luckily my neighbour was full of sympathy for me when my ds woke them every night, for months, but I was well aware they could hear him and I didn’t like it that they were being disturbed by him.

You could try going to a different part of the flat to see if that helps, but unfortunately (having lived in a flat/terrace/semi and now detached), I think the only way to truly eliminate neighbour noise is to live in a detached house (which I know is not the answer for everyone, but it’s the only way to not hear your neighbours throug paper thin walls each day and night).
Hang in there, it’s only six weeks, have a chat if you see them, but I doubt it will do anything except wind you up and get them annoyed because there isn’t anything you can actually do to stop the noise.

Probably I'd take them a box of chocolates and apologise for the fact they are having continual disrupted sleep. No one likes that, lets be honest, it's hard, and whilst unavoidable it's one thing when it's your kid and another when it's someone else's.

So play nice, say uou inderstand it's hard, reiterate you are moving out, so they will hopefully get back to uninterrupted sleep when uou all move out.

I honestly don't understand people. Part of living in a community is putting up with 'inconveniences'. This isn't older children running riot stall hours in the morning, this is a baby. And babies cry. You may be leaving soon, but a family with a baby could move in after you. If they are that bothered, they could move to the countryside and live in isolation!

Although there isn't really anything you can do, you still need to be polite and address it with them. Lack of sleep is awful and they must be desperate if they actually spoke to you about it.

I doubt they'll say anything again. But if they dared, ask them why they haven't marketed their magical formula for making distressed babies in pain from stop crying because they'd make millions of pounds!

Would it stop them hearing the baby if you went into another room? If so then you should do it.

It's so stressful when your baby cries at night  for you.

I would write them a note reiterating what you have said, with a set of ear plugs and box of chocs and then leave it.

While you say moving to the lounge makes it harder to get the baby to sleep I think you have to try to see if it listens the noise a bit for your neighbours.

I think some folks are being a little unfair. Conintual sleep deprivation is a bastard, it has most folks on their knees and can drive them nuts, there is a reason it's used as a method of torture.