AIBU to ignore neighbours’ complaint?

[Zitouna]

We are currently living in a short term rental flat, while our house is being renovated. It was supposed to be for 6 months, but builders’ delays mean it will be 8 months by the time we move out (in 6 weeks).

We have a 7 month old baby - he’s had Colic, reflux, CMPA etc. Despite this he slept pretty well until 4 months. But these days he goes down reliably at 7, then has a couple of feeds overnight and screams when winding, as well as some crying wakings in between where we put the dummy in. For the past week or so those wakings have often led to prolonged howling, where nothing works to comfort him, for 1-2 hours (he’s got a cold, maybe teething).

Last week our downstairs neighbours (directly below) buzzed the flat to ask to come up for a chat one evening. I asked what about, and they said they were having disturbed nights because of the baby noise. I said that i was sorry and was doing my best to calm him, but there really wasn’t anything more I could do. Obviously we would prefer him to sleep through and that the crying kept us up too.

Neighbour replied that ‘they didn’t ask to have this inflicted on them’ and that they were having to go away this weekend ‘for some respite’. I asked whether she would like me to leave the flat overnight with the baby, as aside from that, there really wasn’t anything I could do. I told them we were moving out in 6 weeks. I said I didn’t see the point in their coming up to discuss it, and I would send my husband down to talk to them when he got home. In fact, he decided there was no point in talking to them about it, so we’ve both just ignored them and done nothing further.

I really can’t do anything to reduce the noise (there’s nowhere else in the flat that the cot can go apart from in our bedroom) unless anyone has a miracle baby sleep solution...

So...AIBU to completely ignore the neighbours now or should we communicate with them in some way? And AIBU to say there isn’t anything we can do about the noise? Fair to say that the situation has added to my sleep-deprived stress levels and made me feel even more rubbish...

Babies cry. That's life. I think they are being unreasonable. If you live in a flat there are some things you just need to accept. You are trying your best and there is quite literally nothing else you can do.

I'd pop some earplugs & box of Nytol through their door

Wow. The entitlment of some people... "babies cry/put up with it/not my fault etc.". YOU chose to have a child. Do WHATEVER you have to do to shut it up so as not to entirely destroy your neighbours sleeping patterns (who btw DIDN'T choose to have kids).

I know this'll be seen as daft, but many years ago a chap working for me kept coming in late, with bags under his eyes, and performance dropped - all because the baby had been up all night (again).
I had just read a newspaper article about allergies to dustmites, so suggested protective waterproof sheets for their bed and the cot. Such that dustmites couldn't get through.
Baby snuffled lots in sleep, then woke and would cry & strop and got put in their bed with them After adding sheets - Result: baby slept, chap got his sleep and productivity rose.

Glad you have the formula, just double check and see if it is dairy free, dairy and soya free or hydrolysed protein. They have all three on prescription and imho it best to start with the hydrolysed and then see if you can step up to one of the others when everything has calmed down. It does taste pretty weird though, so I would expect it to take some persuasion if LO is used to BF. Worth persevering though. Both my sensitive dc have grown out of virtually all their sensitivites and food allergies now

MakeAHouseAHome pray tell me what we should do to ‘shut it up’? Smother it with a pillow? Put gaffer tape over its mouth? Drug it? Perhaps you’d be happier if young families were sent to live in colonies so they can’t disturb your sweet dreams. A screaming baby is no picnic for the parents who are also sleep deprived, possibly suffering from pnd and now have some precious and inconsiderate prick of a neighbour on their case as well.

My dd had silent reflux and still has cmpa. Screamed so so much. Our immediate attached to us lovely neighbours politely lied about being able to hear her. The annoying lady two doors away and not at all attached, often brought up my 'screamy baby' whenever she saw me. Not very helpful and also not much you can do about it!

I'd personally leave it. They're probably happy you're leaving soon.

I would certainly pop down with a bottle of wine and just apologise. It was very rude to say someone would pop down and never did. They could have been equally as rude and started making a racket whenever you did get the baby back off to sleep, just to be spiteful.

It’s no fun having a crying baby but it’s also no fun having to get up at 6AM after broken sleep.

I hope the wee one sleeps through soon.

Poppyseed... I don't care what you do. Not my problem. And no different to the attitude people have to 'shut your dog up' on this forum.

I think YABU. I’m usually in the camp that there’s not much you can do about a baby crying, so it’s wrong to complain.

But you said you’d speak them (well, send your husband...) and then you just didn’t. That’s rude.

And what makes you unreasonable is that someone here suggested taking your baby to another room - and not only are you not already doing it, but you just dismissed it.

Why on earth haven’t you put black out curtains up in the room furthest from your neighbours, and been settling your baby in there all along?!

Wow. The entitlment of some people... "babies cry/put up with it/not my fault etc.". YOU chose to have a child. Do WHATEVER you have to do to shut it up so as not to entirely destroy your neighbours sleeping patterns (who btw DIDN'T choose to have kids).

Wow, at the amazing selfishness of this. We are a society, that is life, and no, I don't love it either, but it is just a part of life.

UK society seems to be sliding towards this totally individualistic, detached, self-obsessed way of life.

@StrangeLookingParasite perfectly said. If people don't want to live in a community, live in a cabin in the woods. It's a part of life along with traffic and packed commuter trains

*Why do some people think neighbours should tolerate noise just because it came from a baby!? They haven't chosen to have a child... you have.

People whinge about dogs barking left right and centre. Apparently that is not tolerable (and I agree it isn't) but babies crying should be tolerated (erm NO!).*

I agree. Going into another room is your best bet. Not that it's your fault of course, but I can only imagine how frustrating it is.

OP hasn't said that the neighbours should put up with the noise. She has simply asked what else she can do ... she has even offered to go away overnight!

These people clearly have zero idea how difficult it is when you can't get a crying baby to sleep, granted it isn't nice being woken up by someone else's screaming baby, but what exactly do these people propose you do? They'll feel like right twats if they eventually have kids of their own.

I'd ignore them if I was you, short of take your baby out into the night at 3am there isn't much that can be done, there's nothing to discuss, you've apologised and that's enough. Don't feel bad, you have a baby, you aren't having a 3am rave.

@PoppySeedBun18

Maybe the inconsiderate prick of a neighbour has a health issue that makes a screaming baby particularly unbearable? Lack of sleep can trigger depression and anxiety as well as psychosis/mania in people with existing mental health conditions for example.

What meds is he on for reflux? There are different options and it seems to be very individual to the baby which options or combinations work.

YANBU to feel annoyed at the neighbours but YABU to just ignore them and refuse to engage.

They tried to start a dialogue and discuss it with you, you just brushed them off so tbh I wouldn't blame them if they were less polite if they want to bring up an issue in the next 6 weeks.

Yes it is a short term thing - only 6 weeks - but they've already had 7 months of living with baby noise and in your OP you admit that the colic-y/screaming issues have increased in the last couple of weeks.

Perhaps these last couple of weeks were just the last straw - regular baby noises/crying etc is one thing but regular 1-2 hours of "prolonged howling" is not normal baby noise and, whilst unavoidable, doesn't mean they have to just put up and shut up as their sleep is being disturbed every night through no fault of their own. I mean they are having to leave their home in order to get a full night's sleep - constant disrupted sleep when you have no control over the cause can cause huge stress to a person, especially when you have to function normally at work etc.

I would take a bunch of flowers/chocolates or something and go round to a) apologise for brushing them off when they approached you initially and b) try to establish some sort of plan to get through the next 6 weeks - take the baby to another room during the night to get as far from their room as possible, insulate your floors (carpets/rugs) to dampen the noise as much as possible, even little things like wearing slipper socks over heavy soled slippers is going to reduce the noise and disturb them less when you're pacing the floor above them at 4am.

If money is not too tight I would buy them a voucher to get a massage or similar to say 'hey, I am sorry that you are being kept up all night, we are doing everything we can and appreciate your consideration of our situation'. Not much you can do about the poor bubba crying except what you are already doing from the sound of it but a little gift like that could go a long way in placating your tired neighbour.
All the best xx

oh, just saw that melj made a similar suggestion.

I don't understand the ignore them mentality. They aren't being unreasonable to come and ask to have a chat with the OP, listening to someone else's baby crying continuously is pretty depressing. Of course it's awful for the OP too especially given she's doing everything possible to soothe him, I feel for everyone in this situation.

This is one of the reasons why neighbours often approach landlords or management agents directly instead of speaking to their neighbours - because of rude and hostile responses.

Surely you or your husband could have done your neighbours the courtesy of having a conversation with them? That can often alleviate a situation and make a neighbour more understanding. Instead you've just confirmed any view they might have that you're being inconsiderate and selfish.

I think you should apologise for ignoring them and have that conversation. Also, is there a reason why you can't put the cot in your bedroom if that would reduce the noise from the neighbours' point of view?

"They are twats."

No, they're not. The are an exhausted couple who have put up with being woken up every night for months and then politely buzzed the OP to ask if they could have a chat about the situation.

We live in a 1 bedroom flat and our downstairs neighbour works from home a few times a week most weeks. The flats have the same layout.

Our 6 month old naps in our bedroom during the day and sleeps in our living room at night. If she's inconsolable during the day or evening then I take her in the bedroom to comfort her.

When she slept in our bedroom before at night and woke up crying we would take her in the living room to feed, be winded, and cuddled hopefully back to sleep.

She might be a baby who can't help it and we might be trying our best but our neighbour didn't sign up for parenthood with us so we try to be considerate of him.

They could buy ear plugs cheap enough and since you’ll be leaving in less than two months anyway, they need to get a grip.