AIBU to ignore neighbours’ complaint?

[Zitouna]

We are currently living in a short term rental flat, while our house is being renovated. It was supposed to be for 6 months, but builders’ delays mean it will be 8 months by the time we move out (in 6 weeks).

We have a 7 month old baby - he’s had Colic, reflux, CMPA etc. Despite this he slept pretty well until 4 months. But these days he goes down reliably at 7, then has a couple of feeds overnight and screams when winding, as well as some crying wakings in between where we put the dummy in. For the past week or so those wakings have often led to prolonged howling, where nothing works to comfort him, for 1-2 hours (he’s got a cold, maybe teething).

Last week our downstairs neighbours (directly below) buzzed the flat to ask to come up for a chat one evening. I asked what about, and they said they were having disturbed nights because of the baby noise. I said that i was sorry and was doing my best to calm him, but there really wasn’t anything more I could do. Obviously we would prefer him to sleep through and that the crying kept us up too.

Neighbour replied that ‘they didn’t ask to have this inflicted on them’ and that they were having to go away this weekend ‘for some respite’. I asked whether she would like me to leave the flat overnight with the baby, as aside from that, there really wasn’t anything I could do. I told them we were moving out in 6 weeks. I said I didn’t see the point in their coming up to discuss it, and I would send my husband down to talk to them when he got home. In fact, he decided there was no point in talking to them about it, so we’ve both just ignored them and done nothing further.

I really can’t do anything to reduce the noise (there’s nowhere else in the flat that the cot can go apart from in our bedroom) unless anyone has a miracle baby sleep solution...

So...AIBU to completely ignore the neighbours now or should we communicate with them in some way? And AIBU to say there isn’t anything we can do about the noise? Fair to say that the situation has added to my sleep-deprived stress levels and made me feel even more rubbish...

If I'd been the neighbour I'd have thought it rude for your partner not to contact me as promised.

Hang heavier curtains? It's a rented flat so that would be ok.

I don't think the OP is coming back.

My DS was very poorly with GERD from day one, so I can sympathise totally with the disturbed sleeps....DS eventually developed ulcers due to our daft GP prescribing gaviscon rather than Lanszoprazole. Try cot blocks on the legs of the cot to ensure it’s tilted, make sure he/she is winded well and give a little water to clear his/her throat is before sleeping. Hopefully, he/she will have a better sleep which is a result for all if you! Good luck 💐

Curtains are portable, the flat being rented makes no difference.

I've had neighbours that would bang on the ceiling at me if I walked to loud for them so I understand what you're going through
It's not something you can help although at least your neighbours come to speak to you give them that credit

You're moving soon so wouldn't let it worry you

Go round give them a cheap bottle of wine some ear plugs and sleeping tablets.

I've experienced both sides of this as a single parent living on the ground floor. When my son was a baby and had reflux I'd settle him down in the living room to sleep, 7pm, wait for him to be sick, sort him out then put him in my bed once I was fairly certain he'd not wake again. If he did wake up again I'd move him back to the living room.
Fast forward many years and my upstairs neighbours had a baby. For 2 years I was woken every single night and early morning by the child being left to cry. I did not complain.
In between years we had a neighbour on the other side of the block with a dodgy car. He'd park it on our side of the car park right outside my bedroom window. Every morning at 2am he'd go and start it up, it would take 10/15 minutes to start. He'd be turning it over, revving it up, turning it over etc. Drove me to the bloody brink! I asked him politely if he could at least park it outside his own block but he refused because it would wake his daughter up! I totally lost the plot with him one day because I was sleep deprived and it was so unfair.
Anyway OP (even though I don't think you will be back) you should have sent your OH down to talk to the neighbours and you can do something to help minimise the noise.

I really hate the attitude that because OP is moving soon she can just ignore her neighbours and treat them with a complete lack of courtesy. God help anyone who lives beside a rental property if that's the general attitude.

OP's attitude stinks.

Buy curtains, move to another room, go and apologize a) for not doing it sooner, b) for your DP not going over as promised (rude?).

Everyone needs to tolerate a bit of noise from neighbouring babies but what you're describing is for your neighbors to just such it all up. Not on, and maybe you'll get a taste of your own selfish attitude in a future neighbor OP!

In case you haven't noticed, the OP has left the thread, and probably hidden it. Not surprising, in view of aggressive responses like yours, @Eilaianne .

I got the impression that the OP did feel bad, but just couldn't cope with the stress of dealing with the complaint.

If anyone has been unreasonable, it's her DP.

Where are you OP? what have you decided to do? I'm another one for having your DP finally go round with his big boy's pants on, better with you and baby, bottle of wine and flowers, and apologize. Explain what you're going through,, what you're doing to ameliorate things, what more you could do, the fact you're moving in 6 weeks. Even show them your flat so they can see your limited options vis a vis their flat. It is tricky IMHO to deal with neighbours who have only contacted you because they're desperate, but a soft answer (or a firm, logical one) turneth away wrath.

I do think it's rude to ignore your neighbours OP. They've courteously spoken to you in a polite manner about something that is affecting their own lives and possibly health (you have no idea) so the least you can do is go back down and finish the conversation if only to say sorry for being brusque. I also think I'd you can take the baby to another room you should make efforts to do that. Obviously you too are exhausted and obviously babies cry but they didn't choose to have one and whether anyone likes it or not, it does feel unfair to be woken nightly for hours through no fault of your own. It has nothing to do with it being tough tits that they 'chose to live in a flat' or whatever else. I'm sure we'd all prefer a detached house but those don't come cheap do they!

Falling out with neighbours is surely more stressful than putting in 10 mins effort being cordial and being genuine about what could you do to make it better for them. A l

She isn't coming back, you're wasting your time telling her off. Some threads become very good discussions whether or not the OP stays with it. But ranting at an OP that patently isn't involved in the thread is just a little bit silly. 

She isn't coming back, you're wasting your time telling her off. Some threads become very good discussions whether or not the OP stays with it. But ranting at an OP that patently isn't involved in the thread is just a little bit silly

OP might not be replying but she may actually read the answers and reflect on her behaviour.

I live in a flat. Fortunately our upstairs neighbour is quiet, but we still hear him walking around, using his washing machine, vacuum cleaner, flushing the loo etc. Normal household noise. He doesn't have kids, but if he did, I would count a baby crying as normal household noise. Annoying, yes, but little that can be done. Babies cry, that's what they do.