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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to allow DS 11 to go to friends again?

331 replies

salterello1 · 20/10/2018 12:10

My DS (11) has made friends with someone in school and he went there for tea yesterday, his friends mum collected him from school and I collected my DS from the friends house later on.

I was a bit a bit shocked when I collected him at the state of the house. There was just stuff and clutter everywhere, it was dirty and looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a while.

Although I didn't venture in more than the hallway, I could see dirty plates piled up in the kitchen and a couple of dogs out the back, there was clumps of dog hair all up the stairs.

I could also see into one of the other down stairs rooms and there were piles of clothes and toys books and just general stuff everywhere - you could barely see the floor.

Mum seemed very nice, but I feel uncomfortable about my DS going into a house which was in this state. He wants to go there again this week AIBU to try and discourage it?

OP posts:
meanieleanie · 20/10/2018 12:11



BillywilliamV · 20/10/2018 12:14

What answer are you expecting, you are going to get disemboweled on here. But yes, YABU....as you know jolly well!

Reaa · 20/10/2018 12:14

It clearly did not bother your DS. I would let him go.

Alfie19 · 20/10/2018 12:14

If she seemed nice and you detected no danger, I think YABU. It is not the poor boys fault that his parents keep a messy home. If everybody discouraged friendship with him, he would be left with no friends because of his parents poor house keeping.

InstagramPork · 20/10/2018 12:15

Why don’t you ask the child to come and play at yours instead?

InspectorIkmen · 20/10/2018 12:15
Biscuit
davisday · 20/10/2018 12:16

So no concerns about the friendship? Just judging on the house?

YABU.

Original poster
salterello1 · 20/10/2018 12:16

I just felt uncomfortable with it - but I guess for some people it's normal to live this way - it's not so much the clutter, it's the dirt and pet hair I found unpleasant

OP posts:
Toomuchworking · 20/10/2018 12:17

Was it my house?

BigSandyBalls2015 · 20/10/2018 12:17

It's not the kids fault is it. If the mum seems nice then that's fine. You could have someone living in a spotless mansion who's an arsehole.

Glumglowworm · 20/10/2018 12:18

He’s 11, not a new born baby. YABU

Toomuchworking · 20/10/2018 12:18

I don't have dogs but the rest sounds about right, other than the 5 minutes after it's been tidied every day.

adaline · 20/10/2018 12:18

Why would you let the boys' friendship suffer because of this?

It's not the kids fault his parents have a messy house!

Original poster
salterello1 · 20/10/2018 12:18

Ok I'm getting maybe it's normal to have such low standards of hygiene and cleanliness - mauybe IABU then

OP posts:
BlueSuffragette · 20/10/2018 12:19

I'd let him go. Your son likes his friend. It's not the child's fault that you think his home is messy. Lighten up a bit. Perhaps the child may think that your house is more like a 'show house' and ultra tidy. It's maybe all about perspective. Live and let live. Your son will be fine and happy.

InspectorIkmen · 20/10/2018 12:19

TooMuchWorking - No - it was mine!

Bloody hell - what do you think is going to happen to your precious child - might he trip over some dog hair?
Ridiculous.

davisday · 20/10/2018 12:19

Such nastiness in your posts Sad

Funkyslippers · 20/10/2018 12:20

My DD had a friend whose house was like this. Didn't bother though I felt a bit sorry for the kids, in particular the baby crawling around in all the mess. But I came away thinking my house was spotless compared to that! And it didn't bother my DD either

Purplelion · 20/10/2018 12:20

Maybe they are ill and struggle, maybe they’re busy and simply don’t have time,maybe you caught them on a bad day.
YABVU to judge someone from seeing gbeor house without even stepping inside

Alfie19 · 20/10/2018 12:21

@salterello

Nobody is saying dirty houses are normal. The majority are saying that it is not the boys fault and you are attempting to ostracise a child because of their parents housekeeping. YABU

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/10/2018 12:24

Mum seemed nice. Your DS had a good time. What's the problem
I mean what are going to say to her
"Oh I'm not letting Billy come over to play at yours againas your house is a pig sty. You just dont say things like that, op. It just isn't done.
TBH it sounds like a relaxed lived in house full of charactor.
I'm not one for running around tidying up. Ill hold my hands up I'm a messy cow. The house will be here when I'm long dead and gone.
One thing people do say though is that it has a very relaxing and calming atmosphere.

Original poster
salterello1 · 20/10/2018 12:26

I think we all get first impressions though and I just didn't feel at all comfortable. Yes I guess there are many reasons to live in such conditions but just going with my gut instinct that something just wasn't right about it

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/10/2018 12:26

There is a huge difference of course between duty and messy. What you have described is mess

PositivelyPERF · 20/10/2018 12:27

Maybe your child wants to go to his friends house because the mum isn’t uptight or judgmental.

PhilomenaDeathsHeadHawkMoth · 20/10/2018 12:29

YABU. I have ASD and my house looked like that before I met DH. I can't learn how to clean, or how to do anything else for that matter.