Er, what?

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

Dd has come home from high school upset because a friend has ripped her school bag open and ruined it. Apparently the friend was mucking about and grabbed dd by her backpack, ripping the top of it clean open and nearly pulling dd off her feet. Obviously she didn’t mean to do it but the bag is now useless. It’s a waterproof oilcloth backpack and it’s ripped right through, I don’t think I can sew it up.

I messaged school friends mum, who is a friend of mine, we share school lifts etc just to say please tell school friend to be more careful in future, she’s ruined dd’s bag which I’ve now got to replace and she got the hump with me and has left our chat group saying she’ll pay for it but she’ll do school runs on her own in future. It happened at school, not on the way home.

Wtf? How is this my fault? Apparently her dd is upset because she’s been told off. Well yes, you piss about and cause damage, you get told off. They’re 11, they’re not babies.

WIBU in saying anything? I didn’t think she’d react like that. Wish I hadn’t bothered.

Who told the girl off.

Kids mess around, things get damaged. I am not sure you needed to message the mum about it.

I don’t think you were being unreasonable

Was there a way you said it that could have been taken badly?

Sounds like they just don’t want to face up to their responsibilities OP

On the other hand maybe she is just annoyed she’s got to pay money out and is directing that at you right now as it’s fresh but may well be annoyed with her daughter

Who told her off?

I think it's only a bag, nobody is hurt, maybe you should just let the dust settle a bit and hopefully everyone will call down.

Unless you said something in the group chat or to the daughter? Then that's different.

And who else is in the group chat?

You were being unreasonable

Your dd confirmed it was an accident when mucking about. These things happen.

This is not your fault, don't get me wrong, and call me old fashioned, but I don't think messaging is the right approach for this type of thing. Mentioning it face to face the next time you saw her would have been preferable, or a phone call, in my opinion. It's impossible to convey tone etc in a text and can more easily be taken the wrong way. I expect she will calm down though.

You didn’t message her via the chat group did you?

I imagine your no-longer-a-friend took offence at the way you phrased your message rather than the content.

I messaged school friends mum, who is a friend of mine, we share school lifts etc just to say please tell school friend to be more careful in future, she’s ruined dd’s bag which I’ve now got to replace

YABU. You didn't need to send a snarky text to the mother warning her child to be more careful in future. She offered to replace it which she didn't need to do.
Kids play, sometimes a little rough. Possessions get damaged as children are growing up, hence why most schools advise not to send children with expensive items.
I personally wouldn't want to walk to school with someone who sent me a snide message neither.

obviously she didnt mean to do it
tell her to be more careful in future

It was an accident. You say it yourself. Was the message in the group chat or privately?

It was an accident and you messaged her mum with parenting advice. Think about it...

Your message was probably quite to the point, and that can read as rude/angry. She's probably got pissed off at the way she imagined you said it.

It's always best to leave these things till you can speak face to face. She did need to be told and her kid needed to be told off, but maybe she read it as really harsh.

You messaged her in a group chat. You didn’t message her directly. Who else is in the group chat?

waterproof oilcloth backpack and it’s ripped right through
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all - more has gone on there than a bit of fun that got out of hand. That's heavy duty fabric.

Did you message her in a group chat where other people could read it too? I'd be annoyed too, it's not her fault and you've potentially embarrassed her infront of other people.

I think you most probably texted the mum in the heat of the moment and the other mum flounce off in the heat of the moment. It might be worth extending an olive branch. Unless there is a back story it's not worth falling out over as lift sharing mist probably outweighs the cost of a bag. Hope you sort it out. X

Did you message her in a group chat where other people could see it? Or was it directly?
If it was a group chat I’d be annoyed with you too, it would feel like you were trying to make me feel bad in front of other people.

Did you message the mum privately or on the group chat?

If this is the first instance of silly behaviour, you should have just let it go. Children that age do stupid things like that all the time without meaning to, and if it was a one off, did you REALLY need to go and tattle to your friend about her daughter? The other mother hasn't handled this well, either, but she is probably in defensive mode over her child.

Oh shit, please don't say you posted this on a group chat?!!

Yabu. Mum had already said she’d replace the bag so I don’t see why you had to message her with parenting advice. accidents happen. As long as there isn’t any bullying going on then I’d put it down to kids being kids. if a bag is the only thing that’s gets broken throughout her school life then you’re lucky...

Sorry, was having dinner. It was only a group of three, us and another mum that helps with lifts. I’m probably being unreasonable, I’m tired and it’s been a long day but I was a bit surprised at her reaction.

This isn’t the first time the girl has broken something of dds and I guess I saw red. I was perfectly nice and friendly about it, I’ve known her for years and she’s never been funny before. Perhaps she’s having a bad day too.

I’ve never questioned her about this sort of thing before. We’ve had them over in the past for birthday parties and things and her kids are a bit wild but I’ve always let it go. I think they’re getting a bit old for that sort of behaviour now though.

yanbu