Er, what?

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

Dd has come home from high school upset because a friend has ripped her school bag open and ruined it. Apparently the friend was mucking about and grabbed dd by her backpack, ripping the top of it clean open and nearly pulling dd off her feet. Obviously she didn’t mean to do it but the bag is now useless. It’s a waterproof oilcloth backpack and it’s ripped right through, I don’t think I can sew it up.

I messaged school friends mum, who is a friend of mine, we share school lifts etc just to say please tell school friend to be more careful in future, she’s ruined dd’s bag which I’ve now got to replace and she got the hump with me and has left our chat group saying she’ll pay for it but she’ll do school runs on her own in future. It happened at school, not on the way home.

Wtf? How is this my fault? Apparently her dd is upset because she’s been told off. Well yes, you piss about and cause damage, you get told off. They’re 11, they’re not babies.

WIBU in saying anything? I didn’t think she’d react like that. Wish I hadn’t bothered.

And OP, not to make you feel bad, but I think I can imagine how the conversation went down in her house

• she had the cheek of messaging in the group chat! So now Francine knows which is just embarrassing
• if she is so precious about DD's bag maybe don't send her to school with a {enter MK, Cath K, Gucci} bag FFS
• and the bag is how much?
• well I will pay for the bloody bag
• and remember in 2001 when she spilled some wine on my new dress? I didn't bloody message everyone about it!

Maybe? 😉

Praise in public, admonish in private.

You didn’t do this.

Yanbu at all! Only in mumsnet land is it ok for your kid to.damage someones property and get away with it. Nòt paying or being told off. In the real world you were right.

That's not being easily offended. You're really not going to accept that what you did was actually offensive? You told her off and insulted her daughter in a chat someone else has access to. It seems you did it intentionally to embarrass her further.

She's not the problem for being annoyed about that. You are the problem and even more so for saying it's her being too sensitive.

And I'm a bit at PP saying you overreacted or shouldn't have messaged in the group chat.

Even the OP knows this wasn't OK...

You had a bad day and snapped. Not in the best way but there it is..I do get that.

Can you honestly talk to mum1 and say sorry, but sometimes your kids can be a bit and I lost my shit temper a bit after a crap day.

Ha, yeah, probably not. She gets through designer gear like there’s no tomorrow, I can’t inagine she’s upset about that. I think I bought it from Next so hardly expensive.

Perhaps I’ll leave it over half term and try and remember about it when school starts again.

Only in mumsnet land is it ok for your kid to.damage someones property and get away with it.

Reading comprehension clearly not strong in some.

Basically, you don’t like her children or her parenting style so you used this as a springboard to embarrass her in a group chat. Nice.

Of course DD presented you with an explanation that exonerates her and puts all the blame on her friend. DD was obviously blameless; we all know how good 11yos are at telling the truth.

Oh sorry that was to rainbow.

She’s not easily offended. She’s not thin skinned . You were in the wrong.

You are Deborah millar’s mum. Deborah wound up with no friends. Apart from her mum. Who was awful😂

Well that wasn’t my thought process Captain but yes, with hindsight...

She’s not a friend I socialise with, just a mum from school.

I think many of us can take a leaf out of our 70-80 year old Mums' books.

Counsel dispassionately in the background, and keep your beak out.

God yes.

If you mentioned it in a group chat and brought up the price, then I'd have said cheerio too. Also, it takes two to mess around like that so maybe your daughter isn't the total angel you think and her child not quite the devil. Sorry, you are that mum. And your daughter's friendships will suffer for it.

Thanks pony. Kick a mum when she’s down.

I don’t think the group chat was unreasonable. You’ve all known each other for ages so should be able to be open and honest. You say the bag broke, she says, sorry, I’ll have a word and let me know the cost so I can get the money to you. No biggie. Or at least, that’s the world I live in, anyway. Remember it’s Friday night, OP and there are those who would swear black was white on here.

I wouldn’t even complain! It was an accident. Why hold people to account for their children’s accidents?

You're spelling out loud and clear your contempt for her parenting and as a consequence your dislike for her kids, and I can guarantee that she got the message pretty clearly in your group chat. No matter how passive aggressive and joking a way you said it.

The mothers have only recently been made aware of the full extent of our distardly deeds! However they knew enough.

When we got in trouble they always took the school/brownies/swimming teachers side. And you know what - they were right not to beleive our airbrushed version of events. If we got into a fight with other kids or each other the usual response was - sort it out amounts yourselves. And we did. Still do.

Apart from Deborah Millar. But I’ve covered that!

I think MsAdorabelle has seen the error of her ways.

Maybe get in contact with the Mum in a little while and see if you can build bridges.

Whyohsky - you really think sending the message to an uninvolved third party was the right way to deal with this? Even MsA sees that it wasn't.

Ohhhh OP I figured this was an old friend!
If just a mum from school I just think that it is time to go different ways.

I can’t believe you said anything to the mum at all. Why not just replace it and say nothing? It’s a school bag. That’s all. A school bag. Yes it’s a little annoying but ffs she’s 11 and it’s just a bag.
Not even going to comment on the (3person) group chat. Pps have covered that.

It seems a little like you disliked her already.
I’m often a bit when people talk about tough skin - how many jibes of yours has she laughed off over the years?