To think DD11 should use sanitary products

[agirlhasnonameX]

DD 11 started her period when she was 10 and was fantastic. Even had a phone call from her teacher during week they talked about periods at school to thank me and DD as she helped the teacher with discussions and was very well informed and open.
The last few months everything has changed. She hides blooded clothes in her room and won't talk about it at all and I try not to force her to.
She has her own products but last night when I found a hidden pair of PJ's told me she uses toilet paper and doesn't want to talk about it, except to say she hates towels and will never use tampons. Wasn't willing to hear my other suggestions.
Should I just let her be? My concern is that it could fall out and she'd be embarrassed. As far as I know it won't damage her to do this, although I don't think it's the most hygienic option.
She has lots of books and up until recently has handled it so well and openly.
Any thoughts?

What has she said about why she is doing this?

Get her some of the period pants I've seen advertised. Like wearing normal underwear but absoerbant and waterproof - or maybe try some washable cotton pads if she find normal pads uncomfortable.

Is she finding pads uncomfortable? Have you thought about washable ones which are much softer and she might find more comfortable?

Not tried them but just a thought: www.modibodi.co.uk/product-category/teen/

Pads are horrible and I hated them, and it's fine if she's not ready for tampons. I think that period pants are a brilliant solution.

Another vote for washables. Very comfortable and can discreetly fold up.

I suggested period pants and she made a disgusted face  think my mum told her once that was the only option when she was young and has put her off.
Didn't think of washable pads actually I'll try to suggest them but she seems very shut down on the whole subject all of a sudden.
She just says pads are gross and is scared of TSS and that tampons are bleached white. Also just don't think she's ready to use them.
She won't talk about anything otherwise, just gets irritated when I bring it up and doesn't want me to suggest anything.
WIBU to tell her she cant use toilet paper or should I just buy other products she can use if she wants and leave it upto her?
Thanks

I’d be willing to bet that she’s had a comment from someone about her pads and has subconsciously decided to deal with her periods her way.

You do need to get to the bottom of it and ensure she uses proper protection because obviously she’s at high risk of a hugely embarrassing situation with leakage or being ‘discovered’.

Once more of her friends have started it will soon become a non event.
Give her a little hug from me. I was a bit similar when I first started.

Im guessing shes had a comment aswell. I started in primary school and 11 is still young so maybe the other girls havent started yet and found out she has and are making fun of it??

I had been wondering about that too,although with every other issue at school she comes to me quickly, but I will try and talk to her about this.
I started same age as her and was the same, but only because I was too embarrassed to even tell my mum I had started, she hasn't been embarrassed at all up until now.
Aww thank you so much for hugs for her

This UK based company sells various washable cotton pads and period pants (though their period pants are black/lacy) - e.g. www.cheekywipes.com/organic-cotton-cloth-sanitary-pads/cloth-sanitary-pad-ultrapad.html

• if she's not liking the sensory experience of disposable pads, these or some period pants may be much nicer. But it sounds as though there is more going on, I hope you can get to the bottom of it. Has she just moved from primary to secondary?

Maybe someone at school is teasing her and rifling through her bags?

I used to have to do this as it was back in the day of brick sized pads and I hated them.
Also DM did not buy me any of my own and rather then keep stocked up, used to go mental at me if I used them all .
It was really crap, my clothes got all blood and I was constantly on edge that i would start to leak.
As soon as I could I started to buy my own stuff.
My only suggestion is could you get her to come with you and choose her own products? Go out for coffee and cake and let her have some control over it?
It's such a crap time, probably it's sinking in that this is going to happen to her every month for the next ever and its shit and embarrassing.
Something else to consider, is she embarrassed to dispose of the used products? Do you have a bathroom bin or one in her bedroom? Was also a huge issue for me as i didn't want to have to walk through the house hiding huge bloody pads up my top....

Poor wee lamb. Would she be open to you suggesting a moon-cup? Maybe not if she is so resistant to tampons. Good luck finding a solution.

Maybe sitting down together and researching the options, what it is that's upsetting her and why she's hiding both her period and her clothes will help. It's apparent there's some shame going on.

She's also afraid of TSS and bleach - where had that come from? Does she know how to manage tampons, TSS and that there are unbleached options available? Would that help her?

Research may be the key here. Buy in the least offensive options together and allow her to find her way.

I think it’s something your just going to have speaking to her about, bottom line is she can’t walk round with blood on clothes.

Yes someone at school has more than likely said something but wearing a pad is much better than bleeding over her school trousers/skirt and they the little sods at school really will have stuff to say!

What brand of pads are you using? I use the bodyform ones and don’t notice I’m wearing them really, but some own brand ones have made me feel uncomfortable if you see what I mean.

I doing this as pads and tight clothes I’d worry they would be seen, and boys would look for it, tbf other girls too. Tissue is kinda tucked in so can’t see.

Another vote for washables, especially black coloured ones like these, they would hid the blood if it’s the sight of the blood that’s putting her off? My dd is 10 so I’ve got this to come in the next year or two!

I would take a guess that maybe someone found her pads in her bag and made a thing of it / embarrassed her in some way maybe? (I started at 11 and remember feeling very different.) If this was the case maybe getting a cool wee make up bag or even a pencil case to keep them in could work?

Mooncup? Mine use these now. Saving them a small fortune too and good for the environment.

She was very young starting her periods. She's only 11 now. I wonder is the shock of getting to be grown up only just kicking in now.
Did the start of this co-incide with the talk at school? Has this just started since the new school year? There could be something else going on, but she is directing and channelling her anxiety or anger or 'refusal' towards the periods.
It sounds like she is rejecting the whole idea of the periods and pretending they aren't happening by just using toilet paper. I could be wrong though!
So look at the rest of her behaviour. How does she manage stress generally. Is she always pretending to be in control of everything. Make time to be with her more in the next few weeks, just you and her, without mentioning the periods. Like shopping trips, ask her to watch a movie with you etc. Just cosy up a bit to her.

Sounds to me like something has been said or happened at school. When I was at school, I used to have a sanitary pad in my school bag in case I started at school. It was a constant fear for me that someone (esp a boy) might find it. One day boys were mucking about and snatched the towel (sellotaped into a Woolworths paper bag).out of my bag. I nearly died. Honestly. Got it back before they opened it thank goodness, - was about 44 years ago, but I still remember the terror.
I’m not sure what to suggest with your DD, but toilet paper won’t really do the job. She’s in danger of getting stains on her clothes. I’d talk to her I think, but keep it light. Maybe a new school bag with a ‘hidden’ pocket she can keep them in.

Modibodi period pants have changed my Dds life. She started periods aged 9.

They look just like normal pants.

What sort of pads was she (not) using? Without wings? Scented? Pads without wings are a nightmare for bunching up and not protecting your underwear.

As PPs have suggested, she's probably masking another issue. Mokepon makes a good point about disposal. Perhaps she finds it easier to flush toilet paper rather than dispose of a pad in a bin?