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To think DD11 should use sanitary products

191 replies

agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 11:22

DD 11 started her period when she was 10 and was fantastic. Even had a phone call from her teacher during week they talked about periods at school to thank me and DD as she helped the teacher with discussions and was very well informed and open.
The last few months everything has changed. She hides blooded clothes in her room and won't talk about it at all and I try not to force her to.
She has her own products but last night when I found a hidden pair of PJ's told me she uses toilet paper and doesn't want to talk about it, except to say she hates towels and will never use tampons. Wasn't willing to hear my other suggestions.
Should I just let her be? My concern is that it could fall out and she'd be embarrassed. As far as I know it won't damage her to do this, although I don't think it's the most hygienic option.
She has lots of books and up until recently has handled it so well and openly.
Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Reaa · 19/10/2018 14:16

Which ones did you buy?

I would say someone made a comment about seeing the pad through her clothes or she leaked through the pad and someone teased her for it hence the reluctantance to wear them again.!


Purplefrogshoes · 19/10/2018 14:18

I'm yet another one who used toilet paper as my mum didn't buy me pads. I used to put cycling shorts over my knickers to help with leaks too. My dd has only just turned 10 and hasn't started yet but I already have her a stash of CSP from babipur. I like CSP as there is no tell tale rustle when you are putting them on


AnchorDownDeepBreath · 19/10/2018 14:19

Just to check - does she have Instagram?

Any chance she's been following the Instagram model who lost her legs to TSS? It's an inspiring story but can be petrifying if you're already concerned about TSS; and combined with not wanting to grow up, that could explain it all - and be why she's not more comfortable at home.


agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 14:30

She's not allowed instagram, fb or twitter but thank you for the thought and is possible she's heard similar stories.

OP posts:

agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 14:33

R.E the posts about abuse, I appreciate why this would come to mind and thank you for pointing it out, however I too have an idea of what to look out for and I really don't think this is the case. Of course I will always be on the lookout for other signs something more sinister could be at play, but I think bullying at school is more likely. But again thank you.

OP posts:

bellinisurge · 19/10/2018 14:39

@tiredgirly - dunno about period pants but reusable pads don't smell. It's the interaction with chemicals in disposables that smells.


Rudgie47 · 19/10/2018 14:47

Hi OP, I'd be asking her if its anything to do with PE and Games. We used to have to wear all kinds of skimpy skirts/ gym knickers and it was awful when you were wearing a pad. Truly dreadful.
Also its really hard to get TSS, its very rare and the chances of getting it are very very low. She has more chance of flying to the moon than getting that.
Its a worry for you, because its horrible having to use loo roll. Everyone has been there in an emergency and its just not absorbent enough at all. I'd be talking to her and make her engage because shes going to get in a right mess otherwise.
The suggestions of the period pants/cloth pads are good I'd get her some of each and just leave them in her room.


DaisyDreaming · 19/10/2018 14:55

I was exactly the same at her age, I just couldn’t and still can’t stand how it feels. Like others have said I would buy her the absorbent period pants


bellinisurge · 19/10/2018 14:55

I told my dd that every single adult female at the school has had a mare of some kind at some point and they will listen and help. In the unlikely event they are horrible, tell me and I will rip them a new one- or a polite version of that.


Catmum26 · 19/10/2018 14:57

i havent read all the comments so sorry if this has been mentioned but i started my period at 10 so was young too. i would always be really self conscious of opening my pads in the toilet as they make a noise and make it obvious to everyone else in the toilet what you are doing! like her i would just put loads of toilet roll in my underwear which didn’t work and i’d end up bleeding on everything and then hiding it as i was too embarrassed to put it in the washing basket. maybe this could be why she’s not using them? or is she embarrassed about putting them in the bin at home as she doesn’t want people knowing she’s on her period? again i had a bit of a complex about this and used to hide all my used towels in my bedroom (so gross i know but i was young and embarrassed)


Catmum26 · 19/10/2018 15:00

also, if she’s worried about how she will get one from her bag and take it to the toilet without anyone noticing, when i was at primary school in the morning i would go to the toilet first thing and put one or two pads on top of the toilet cistern (it was one of those up high attached to the wall) i would put them far enough back that they couldn’t be seen. if this is the issue for her is there maybe somewhere in the cubicle she could hide a pad or two?


Satsumaeater · 19/10/2018 15:38

I was trying to remember what it was like in school when I started my periods. I was 13 though, so not nearly as young as your dd. I went to an all girls' school but they were a coven of witches so no support to be had and definitely all out to embarrass you if possible. I did find some towels quite uncomfortable and it didn't help that I got thrush as well!

I didn't use tampons (and still don't unless I want to swim) but I do remember putting pads away to "throw away later" and then forgetting to. I remember my wardrobe was really smelly and I couldn't understand why until I found a very mouldy towel that looked like a gone-off banana! I don't know why I put it there. It didn't however help once when I had a bath and then my father came into the lounge and grimly told me to "tidy up the bathroom" - I had left my used towel on the side of the washbasin and forgotten to put it in the bin. Not sure why he couldn't have just disposed of it for me but I guess he was a product of his time.

I hate nature. Why oh why do we have to put up with this? We can control going to the loo - why on earth isn't menstrual flow the same? And that's without the pain and discomfort - just having to wear "nappies" is bad enough.


carr1e1977 · 19/10/2018 15:42

Following this with interest and there are some great suggestions. My daughter is 9, which is around the same age I first got my period. I didn’t have a clue what was happening, I thought I was dying! My mum brought out pads that were 2 inches thick and continued to buy these until I eventually went shopping with her and chucked slimmer ones in the trolley. She always acted like it was an embarrassing secret and I don’t want my daughters to feel like that. They both know about periods and why it happens but then there is a big difference when reality hits. A lot of great Mums on this thread. Am away to google period pants!


Ariela · 19/10/2018 15:46

Definitely go for cloth ones, my daughter likes these ones best : they're black and don't show any blood. She uses them with these very pretty bags which don't look overly disssimlar in size/shape to a small pencil case So she can be quite discrete with them, went through a couple of years of school without her friends realising she had started her periods when they had also started theirs.


agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 16:11

@Ariela your links not working just keeps going to a parcel delivery page.

OP posts:

SharpLily · 19/10/2018 16:14

Oh God, this all brings back horrible memories! It's such an excrutiatingly embarrassing time!

I know she doesn't want to talk about it but I think you gently but firmly need to tell her that toilet paper just won't work - she'll end up with irritation and will definitely leak at some point. Don't push the point too hard or be judgemental but be very clear that this won't work.

Then for the next step I can only repeat what others have suggested - it'll cost you a fortune but get her some of absolutely everything. Various kinds of pads, both disposables and cloth, get her period pants, tiny tampons (unbleached), a tiny mooncup. Anything else you can find too, and make sure all the instructions are there. Even if she's resistant at first, she'll probably explore some of these a bit later when the immediate pressure is off. Make sure she knows you'll happily keep her stocked up with whatever she chooses to use.

Add painkillers, chocolate, and various pretty bags and tins for dealing with the concealment/disposal issues. Also do get the bathroom bin and probably make sure she has both a bin and her own laundry basket in her room for dirty clothes. Go all out and then let her work it out for herself, having made sure she knows that she cannot carry on with the toilet tissue.

You sound like a very understanding mother - I wish I'd had someone like you around!


Chalkhillblu3 · 19/10/2018 16:15

I think she's regretting speaking out at the period lesson. The girls are probably coming up to her and bothering her with questions now and treating her like some kind of puberty guru, and so there's more scrutiny on when she's 'on'. Maybe someone told the boys and they are scrutinising too. I think she's over exposed herself. And you said she is unsure about growing up so she's just pushed the whole thing back into denial. That's my theory. Poor darling, it's so hard.

Are there other body changes she might be embarrassed about that are making things worse? I remember my mom was just useless and didn't buy me a bra and deodorant when I needed them. And I ended up using my dad's razor illicitly until he found me out because his chin was cut to ribbons Blush


reallyanotherone · 19/10/2018 16:27

Other type available from only a few manufactures - which can be used without dependent on flow light to medium. There's even a swim suit that designed to be used without any - but it's over £100 so I have no idea how good or not in might be

Is that modibodi? I am going to stock up on a few pairs. What about thinx, diary doll etc? I don’t really see the point if you have to use pads too.

I am going to do a massive boots shop i think and get a wide range delivered.

Anyone any recommendations for a teen cup? Have to say mooncup changed my life, no more sneaking tampons up my sleeve, or wrestling with dispensers in the ladies when i forgot completely, yet again.


OutPinked · 19/10/2018 16:34

I also think she’s probably been teased. Either someone has seen the pad in PE or seen them in her bag. Kids can be relentlessly cruel and ten is quite a young age to start.

I didn’t start until I was a couple of months shy of my thirteenth birthday and I found it embarrassing even at that age. I was reluctant to change the pads at school mostly because they were so bloody noisy! PE was a nightmare for all of us, girls often skipped it when on their period. I still wish pads weren’t so noisy.

I agree with the washable pad suggestion. Period pants sound great too. Take her to a store and buy lots of different pads, give her the choice. Get a tin to put them in her bag.


TheShrieksShallInheritTheDeath · 19/10/2018 16:37

Lots of good advice here (though I'm still a bit in the dark about period pants!) and giving your DD a choice of lots of options she will hopefully find one that suits. Good luck OP.

I'm not sure why chocolate keeps being mentioned; do menstruating girls and women really need chocolate? Confused Seems such a cliché.


GurlwiththeCurl · 19/10/2018 16:41

Could you sew some little pockets into the waistband of her skirts? That way she could keep a pad handy and not have to go into her school bag. Just a thought. I hope you can sort it all out for her.


Cherries101 · 19/10/2018 16:43

You need to show some tough parenting here. Using tissue isn’t acceptable, it’s only going to lead to more embarrassment in the future. Suggest you buy a variety of pads- scented, unscented, silk lined, thin, with wings, without wings, hypoallergenic and make her try them all one. My guess would be she finds them itchy or uncomfortable and has been called out by her friends for adjusting them.


agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 16:50

Some great ideas here thank you all endlessly!
Sewing pockets into clothes is a very resourceful idea.
I will be speaking to her about all of this and am looking at all the products you have all mentioned. If she won't talk I'll buy them all and along with bathroom bin (stupid of me not to have done this I feel bad) and ideas about school or talking to them directly.
R.E the chocolate thing- I told DD that it's better to eat healthy food esp when menstruating, but found that it was good to have a little treat for her and personally chocolate is my comfort food so was a bit hypocritical of me to say this to her anyway :p
Feeling a lot more confident in insisting gently that we discuss. Really appreciate it everyone 

OP posts:

agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 17:32

Just spoke with DD. Was very dismissive at first and told me she didn't care and wouldn't use any of the items I listed. Kept talking and told her what someone had said- that just because she has periods doesn't mean she's not a kid anymore. She broke into tears and asked me if there was any way to make them stop. Then I broke into tears and we had a hug and then talked much better.
She wants to try non bleached tampons and pants was surprised about the former but willing to let her experiment with anything she feels comfortable with.
Thank you all again x

OP posts:

bigKiteFlying · 19/10/2018 17:35

Is that modibodi? I am going to stock up on a few pairs. What about thinx, diary doll etc? I don’t really see the point if you have to use pads too.

Off top of my head I think it's Modibodi, Thix and cheekywipes ones I linked to earlier - it's usually in the product description if you need pads as well or if you can use by themsleves.

I got DD1 some one you need pads for off amazon - she was on her period and on trip abroad - so she didn't have to worry about night leaks in a strange bed. I'd have been glad of some in my 20s when I suffered from horrendous periods - added protection.

I keep meaning to get some that don't need pads for her - so I'm aware there are differences.

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