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To think DD11 should use sanitary products

191 replies

agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 11:22

DD 11 started her period when she was 10 and was fantastic. Even had a phone call from her teacher during week they talked about periods at school to thank me and DD as she helped the teacher with discussions and was very well informed and open.
The last few months everything has changed. She hides blooded clothes in her room and won't talk about it at all and I try not to force her to.
She has her own products but last night when I found a hidden pair of PJ's told me she uses toilet paper and doesn't want to talk about it, except to say she hates towels and will never use tampons. Wasn't willing to hear my other suggestions.
Should I just let her be? My concern is that it could fall out and she'd be embarrassed. As far as I know it won't damage her to do this, although I don't think it's the most hygienic option.
She has lots of books and up until recently has handled it so well and openly.
Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Cineraria · 19/10/2018 17:36

If it is tricky for her changing in the school loos without others realising what she is doing and that is what's upsetting her, maybe a little mini wet bag could be pinned inside her skirt waistband (through the strap of course, not the waterproof fabric) to act a pocket and contain a clean spare in the morning and possibly the used one after changing. I'd imagine that would be fairly discreet and minimise the chance that anyone who might tease her would see any evidence.


TombIhadaGraveChange · 19/10/2018 17:37

Maybe get her some extra pants to wear over the top - this would hide the wings showing when she gets changed for PE.


chocsahoy · 19/10/2018 18:52

Oh that's great you were able to talk OP! She will also remember that you cared enough to persist when it comes to different future issues, wish my mum had talked to me like that!


carr1e1977 · 19/10/2018 19:18

Well done @agirlhasnonamex you are obviously a great mum and she is lucky to have you. Periods are awful, thank goodness for the pill 🙈


agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 22:24

Thank you so much that's really lovely x

OP posts:

RiverTam · 19/10/2018 22:41

Just caught up with this, that’s great news you could talk with your DD. Poor wee lamb, they’re so young these days. All the best to you both x


CaptSkippy · 19/10/2018 23:27

Flowers for you and your daughter.

I cried too when I had my first few periods and I was even more upset when they got heavier and made me feel pretty sick for about a week each month. I also thought it forced me to be a gown up now.

She can definitely still be a kid and enjoy all the kid things she did before. Having her period is like losing baby teeth. You lose those quite early too and it can be annoying too, but it does not make you an adult yet.

I learned to deal with them by being extra nice to myself. I lower my demands and expectations of myself and basically consider my period days as "lost" or lazy days. I will do the minimal to meet obligations I have, but for the rest I do whatever the fuck I want, including leaving dishes on the counter and binging on my favorite shows.

It sounds like she is going through puberty and that makes dealing with periods extra hard. It will get easier. She'll find her ideal way to deal with her periods and when puberty ends her periods might get a little lighter too. They definitely started bothering me less after puberty.

Btw have you ever had her tested for anaemia? Heavy periods can be caused by anaemia, but also make anaemia worse. If she has anaemia there may be a way to make her periods lighter by treating that.


agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 23:39

@CaptSkippy thank you.
I think as she gets older she will deal with it better, esp when her friends are in the same boat. My heat broke a little for her when I was suggesting things and she said "is there nothing that will make it stop." Brought it back home again how young she is to have to deal with it and that she's realising it will go on for many years to come.
I didn't know that about anemia! I have been on iron since I had DD2 though and myself have horrendous and very painful periods- I'll bring it up with my GP as she's never mentioned this. And probably worth getting DD checked out too just incase.

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 19/10/2018 23:40

Aw bless her. Poor thing. It is awful. I was 9 and utterly clueless about keeping clean, etc.

You've opened the dialogue so maybe go with the buying all the products and letting her choose. Then go and do something childish together to let her remember she's still a kid.


Jellyjumpers · 19/10/2018 23:52

Would washables with unicorns charicters or cupcakes feel more child like?


Wannabeyorkshirelass · 20/10/2018 00:21

I used to use wads of loo paper instead of pads quite a lot as a young teen. I can't totally remember why but it was to do with being able to flush them totally away and feel clean (though I'm sure it was terrible for the plumbing), that I hated the feel of the pads and that I was sometimes unprepared. My mum was very against me using tampons (old fashioned ideas) but when I finally did at about 14 it was a total game changer.


MidniteScribbler · 20/10/2018 01:27

A lot of parents give their daughters a pretty little makeup bag to keep in their bag to keep their products in, but my suggestion is to buy her a pencil case instead. I teach primary school, and have had the occasional girl start their period, or get caught unawares. I buy a bunch of pencil cases (all different) and stock them in case they are needed. No one even takes a second look at a student walking around with a pencil case in their hands.


artio0 · 20/10/2018 01:36

I just skimmed the thread but saw that your daughter asked if there's anything to make it stop... Maybe there's a way to tell her how amazing her body is for doing what it does? I remember loving stories of cultures that celebrate when young girls get their periods when I was a teenager, maybe she would benefit from reading or hearing some of those to change her feelings about it?


ohello · 20/10/2018 02:12

Maybe the teacher needs to address the class about the harassment of her.

yikes PLEASE ask your daughter how she feels before this happens. I would have wanted to die from shame.

I do agree that something happened tho and you need to get to the bottom of it. Good luck to you and your daughter.


GoldenMcOldie · 20/10/2018 02:15

@reaa both DD and I use Modibodi as they are the only ones that I have found can cope with a heavy flow.


RedPandaMama · 20/10/2018 02:22

I remember doing similar when I was a teenager, it's embarrassing and unhygienic looking back but the reasons why I did it made total sense at the time. I was 12 when I started but people in my school were totally weird about periods. There was a girl who used to go round smelling people's bums, for example, then announce 'Panda is on her period' and people would act disgusted around you the entire day.

The school toilets only had one cubicle with a sanitary bin out of about 10 cubicles so it became known as 'the period toilet' - if you went to that toilet, you were 'on'. Older girls would often stand on the toilet in the next cubicle and look over at you, throw balls of wet screwed up toilet paper over the sides, and try to take photos under the stalls.
Rather than use 'the period toilet' I would remove used pads, roll them up, and keep them in the zippy inner pocket of my bag, then dispose of them at home or on the way home. Makes me so sad and disgusted that that was what I had to do in order to not get bullied about something so normal. Then one day, year 9, a boy just decided to grab my bag in maths, turn it upside down and start going through the pockets - just to be a dickhead really. A few used pads fell out on to the floor. That was great.

The led to (probably loads of us) using toilet paper rather than pads, as the waste could just be flushed down the toilet and no one needed to know.

My school was shitty and I know it seems extreme, but I only left there 6 years ago, this wasn't in the 80s or anything. Just an insight.


FrenchFancie · 20/10/2018 05:37

Not rtft but has someone told her something about pads / tampons that’s not right?
When I was a young teen there was a rumour going around that both pads and tampons were made with asbestos to make you bleed more (?!? Not sure how I fell for that!) so you paid more to the companies who made them. This coincided with my periods ramping up a notch so I believed it for a bit. Then my mum noticed that I was doing as your daughter did and told me (quite firmly!) that this was BS


agirlhasnonameX · 20/10/2018 08:52

The teacher who keeps pencil cases for girls is a star. How thoughtful and a really great idea.
Unicorns and cupcakes are a great idea too. She says pads are itchy and uncomfortable and when I told her there are loads to try including washable cotton ones she still said no to them, so hope there isn't something more to it she's not telling me, but I'm gonna get her some anyway as think she will feel the difference if she'll give them a go.
I wouldn't want her teacher to talk to whole class she would be mortified but quite word with them might be worthwhile.
Tbh, I am a little worried about her using tampons and have no idea why. I haven't conveyed this to her at all it's her body and she should be able to use anything that makes her comfortable. Maybe just because my mum wouldn't let me use them and when I eventually did it was horrible and painful (didn't use it right).

OP posts:

Moononthehill28 · 20/10/2018 09:20

I remember my mum telling me ‘you’re a woman now’ rather awkwardly when I started at 12. I was really panicked by that. You are still a child dealing with issues that seem terrifying.


Haisuli · 20/10/2018 09:28

My mum said you're a woman now and you won't have to go with any boys now 😱. It was awful. We also didn't have a bin in the bathroom and if I needed pads I had to ask for them. I used to pretend I wasn't having periods and use toilet paper instead. I rememebr washing my pants with cold water trying to get the blood out so she didn't know. I don't know why I was so secretive, I just know I didn't want to announce it every month. It would have been better just having a supply that was topped up without question.The cloth ones or period pants sound great btw


DrPeppersPhD · 20/10/2018 10:07

A Meluna cup could be something to look into. They're slimmer than the moon cup, and have different firmnesses so don't hurt like tampons can. You can also get them with rings rather than stems ease removal.


reallyanotherone · 20/10/2018 10:12

With tampons buy absolutely loads. I mean loads. Of every sort- plastic applicator, non applicator, teen, slim, own brand, branded.

Tell her she can try them all. If she uses them all in one day it doesn’t matter.

Then she can try and if it feels wrong bin it and try the next. I was also given a box of 10 and would have to ask for more. I would persevere with a badly inserted one or resort to tissue paper to catch inevitable leaks rather than “waste” one.

Another reason i love my mooncup.


Rixera · 20/10/2018 10:13

This is such a happy ending. Storing it in the parenting-models bank for when DD reaches that age :)


museumum · 20/10/2018 10:20

Great news op. I went into tampons at 11 and am so so glad I did. It was tricky the first few but then afterwards made life so much easier as I could still take part in swimming and sport etc.


MidniteScribbler · 20/10/2018 10:59

Tbh, I am a little worried about her using tampons and have no idea why. I haven't conveyed this to her at all it's her body and she should be able to use anything that makes her comfortable. Maybe just because my mum wouldn't let me use them and when I eventually did it was horrible and painful (didn't use it right).

I got my period at school, and had to use the pads my mother had supplied in my school bag. I got home and told her how much I hated the feeling of them, and she told me that she understood and gave me a tampax. I never changed from using tampons from then on.

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