To think DD11 should use sanitary products
agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 11:22
DD 11 started her period when she was 10 and was fantastic. Even had a phone call from her teacher during week they talked about periods at school to thank me and DD as she helped the teacher with discussions and was very well informed and open.
The last few months everything has changed. She hides blooded clothes in her room and won't talk about it at all and I try not to force her to.
She has her own products but last night when I found a hidden pair of PJ's told me she uses toilet paper and doesn't want to talk about it, except to say she hates towels and will never use tampons. Wasn't willing to hear my other suggestions.
Should I just let her be? My concern is that it could fall out and she'd be embarrassed. As far as I know it won't damage her to do this, although I don't think it's the most hygienic option.
She has lots of books and up until recently has handled it so well and openly.
ChocolateCard · 19/10/2018 11:54
Diary doll pants from boots.
You can’t tell they’re any different from normal knickers, so maybe don’t even tell her 🤷♀️
They’re not designed for a full flow, but are brilliant at preventing leaks. If she insists on the toilet paper and won’t talk about, these will help avoid potentially embarrassing situation.
She’s bound to grow out of this, so you just need a temporary measure that will help her until she’s a bit older to deal with it.
Cagliostro · 19/10/2018 11:55
Cloth ones tend to have poppers so they can’t just fall out, unlike the useless adhesive on disposables which slips a lot (or they do for me anyway). I’m going to be switching to cloth soon and plan to get DD some small ones in preparation, I think she will struggle with the disposables as she has sensory issues.
I didn’t use tampons until I’d lost my virginity TBH, just too painful before then so there’s no way I could’ve coped at 11, although I know some friends did happily.
She will get far more teased if she ends up leaking from using tissue paper :( poor love it is hard to get used to.
HelmetHair1 · 19/10/2018 11:55
I second period pants. Is she imagining something like a giant nappy perhaps? Because the reality is they look and feel like totally normal pants. I have found them life changing - so much more comfortable than pads or tampons, no TSS risk, you can just forget about them once they're on.
I'd buy a few pairs and just give them to her saying 'these are for you to try if you want them' and then leave her to it. She can then have a discreet go and see how much more comfortable it is than toilet paper!
LaurieFairyCake · 19/10/2018 11:55
Don't talk to her.
Go to a huge Boots and buy every type of pad. Buy washables online. Buy the tiniest tampons and cute holder.
Put in room with massive Toblerone. Leave note that says 'try every type, text me the ones you want on an ongoing basis'.
I have done this successfully 3 times. (3 different girls)
CharlesChickens · 19/10/2018 11:55
Tissue paper could fall out. I think if she knows this she might be more willing to try pads again, or period pants. Maybe she gets embarrassed taking a pad into the loo in school ? Or thinks a pad shows if she is changing for PE ? The pads with wings are easy to see.
I would get some period pants and maybe when she tries them on and realises that they are like wearing normal pants, but with the protection built in, then she might be happier. Loo roll is very far from ideal as it is rough, moves around etc. I know from experience having used it in an emergency when out !
Also has she had the small sized pads for young teens from Lilets ? They do a little pack in Boots. My dd had them when she started at 12. She now uses normal pads but the neater ones were great when she was smaller. (She’ll be 14 soonish ) .
RiverTam · 19/10/2018 11:56
I think someone has made nasty comments, perhaps heard her opening a towel packet in the loo and said something. I remember even in an all-girls school hating the idea that someone could hear that and would often wear the same pad all day .
Is she at primary or secondary - how well do you know the teacher? I would perhaps have a word?
ChocolateCard · 19/10/2018 11:57
Plexie has a good point. Maybe it’s more the taking pads to school that’s a problem than actually wearing them.
Does she not like people seeing them in her bag? How does she get them out of her bag when she goes to the toilet? What does she do with the used ones there?
VickieCherry · 19/10/2018 11:58
I would keep talking to her about it, but also buy her some washables and period pants and leave them in her room. It gives her the choice to try them if and when she feels comfortable.
I wonder if she's reacting to perfumed pads? She might find they give her thrush. Also, I don't like tampons at 36, so completely understand her not using them at her age (and the bleaching is a concern).
AnnieAnoniMouse · 19/10/2018 11:58
She’s clearly pretty well informed about what’s available and knowledgable about it all - tss included!, & she was open about everything before. So, clearly, something has happened. I would be saying ‘Toilet paper isn’t acceptable and neither is choosing to bleed directly onto your clothes. We can try reuseables, a moon cup, anything else you’d like to try, but you need to tell me why things have changed. What Happened? ...and make her tell you. If she’s not talking then ask direct questions. Tell her you are worried about what has happened and that if it was something at school you won’t talk to school without duscussing it with her first. Do NOT promise you won’t, because you might really have no choice.
agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 11:59
She was fine after talk at school and she is in primary 7 now. Started periods in p6.
Period pants could be the way to go if I can convince her they aren't old fashioned as I think she believes. Washables actually look really pretty! I will show her some pictures and see what she thinks.
I don't think she would be comfortable with moon-cups and as she has only just turned 11 I don't feel she is quite ready for this type of product yet, but again I will mention it.
We don't have a bathroom bin- although she does have one in her room, but thank you to whoever said that- a very good point and I also had an issue with this!
It could be that she doesn't want to carry pads or anything to school, but point blank refuses to wear them even at weekends or holidays etc.
She is normally very open and inquisitive and not ashamed in the slightest, but over the last month I can't even say puberty without her getting annoyed.
Thank you all so much for suggestions.
CoralFish · 19/10/2018 11:59
Oh your poor daughter. I also think it's a comment from school re: pads.
I suggest, don't push it, but buy her a selection of reusable pads, a wet bag and an opaque cotton drawstring bag in a dark colour. Go for plain black pads so she is not embarrassed by stains. Tell her you have bought them, but it's up to her if she wants to use them or not. Used pads can go in the wet bag if she's out and then in the drawstring bag when she gets home. The whole drawstring bag can go in the washing machine once her period is finished, without needing to be opened, to minimise any embarrassment factor.
TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 19/10/2018 12:00
I remember being like this.
I just didn’t want to use proper grown up stuff. I was just 12 when l started, and still a little girl really. I just hated the whole thing. Using toilet paper made it seem less permanent and meant l wasn’t grown up.
DontCallMeCharlotte · 19/10/2018 12:01
Sadly, I think the problem will resolve itself sooner rather than later as it's almost inevitable that at some point she will leak, poor love.
I think it's not about her talking to you in this case, it's about you talking to her, telling her what she needs to happen and then letting her assimilate her choices.
There are some occasions when children are given control and independence when they really need to be led by the grown ups and I think this is one of them.
(I also remember the horror when it hit home that this was it for the next 30-40 years )
tiredgirly · 19/10/2018 12:07
had a phone call from her teacher during week they talked about periods at school to thank me and DD as she helped the teacher with discussions and was very well informed and open.
What the heck? rwhy on earth would you or the teacher possibly think this was a good idea. I bet she has been crucified at school for this. No wonder she feels ashamed now
JessieLemon · 19/10/2018 12:07
She just says pads are gross and is scared of TSS and that tampons are bleached white. Also just don't think she's ready to use them.
You can buy eco tampons that aren’t bleached.
Pads ARE gross, but she does need to find a hygienic solution. Unfortunately if she’s totally resistant I guess she’ll just carry on how she is until even she realises it’s impossible and either a leak or the discomfort or the smell will make her realise anything is better than what she’s doing.
I would send her a message saying ‘it’s up to you what you use but when you’re ready to try something other than what you’re doing, here are the options, let me know:
Pads (wings, not)
Period pants etc.
Is there someone else who she might feel more comfortable discussing this with? I was mortified trying to discuss all of this with my mum. I ended up talking to my best friends mum about it all which felt totally natural and normal and really helped. Does she have an auntie or a big cousin?
SalemBlackCat4 · 19/10/2018 12:08
Oh yes. I believe she has definitely been teased. As someone who started at age 10, and who ALSO had used toilet paper (I started a new school, was very insecure about toilet/break times so often added toilet paper on top of the pad to make the pad last), and was the only one who had started, I had girls staring, whispering and following me if I slipped a pad in the pocket of my uniform and headed to the toilet. Oh those years were dreadful. I feel so so much for your D little Daughter. Sympathise AND empathise.
I would make an appointment to sit down and speak to her teacher and/or school Guidance Officer (Consellor etc, not sure what they are called over there), as clearly something traumatic has happened. I myself know how toilet paper can slip out and - gasp, even BOYS seeing it Oh fuck, I am so glad I am anonymous here and halfway across the world. It would be awful for her to suffer a 'wardrobe malfunction' or even to bleed through. Clearly something or something is making things hell for her at school right now, and it would really help if the teacher/Counsellor and whoever else were brought in in a concerted attempt to pull this situation back to give your daughter a sense of security. Maybe the teacher needs to address the class about the harassment of her. Best of luck to you and that poor girl of yours, who I see echoes of my own past in.
SpoonBlender · 19/10/2018 12:09
I was going to post the same as Prince. Poor chick. She's likely just starting into teenage hormone overdrive too, and getting all defensive and embarrassed about everything because it's just... so embarrassing, god mum don't you know anything ughhh! stomp stomp stomp.
You're going to have to chivvy her up, show her how normal it is, get her into a routine. Supply all the things, worth a splurge on having a stack of various different pads/washables/tampons/pants if you can. And get that bin in the bathroom.
chocsahoy · 19/10/2018 12:09
Couple of other thoughts
Maybe someone made fun of them in bag
Maybe disposal is the issue (yucky sanitary bins) or worse a sanitary bin outside the cubicle (i remember this horror at school)
Maybe they had PHSE and people made euw noises about pads (comment about bleach in tampons made me wonder this)
Maybe organic tampons?
Maybe she thinks people can see pad eg PE
GoldenMcOldie · 19/10/2018 12:10
Sounds exactly like my Dd. She HATES even talking about puberty. Period pants (modi heavy flow) really have made the difference. I have bought her 7 pairs + 4 wash bags. She just pops them straight into the washer at the end of each day. They look just like black knickers.
She feels safe from leaks and having to carry/dispose of sanitary products at school.
It has made the difference between a highly anxious and quite stable pre-teen.
Waffles80 · 19/10/2018 12:10
Is it to do with having pads in her bag / not being able to take her school bag into the loos OR feeling like taking her bag into the loos demonstrates to the world that she’s on her period? Do they have lockers at school they have to leave their bags in? If so, might she be scared to go to the locked for a pad and then have to discretely take it to the loos? What are the school loos like? If they’re awful, with no bins or overflowing bins, is they putting her off? Do the school toilet cubicles have proper locks, or is she scared of the door bursting open mid-change?
I’m a teacher and toilets at one school I taught at were horrific and it caused so much stress to many of our girls. Headteacher was a mysogynistic fuckwit and wouldn’t hear us out on how terrible the girls’ toilets were. Gives me the rage just thinking about him!!
Or, are the pads irritating her (physically), so could she try a different brand? Are they slipping and that’s uncomfortable?
Shinks period underwear just look like normal knickers.
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 19/10/2018 12:11
I did this for a while at her age. I think I felt more secure with toilet paper because I could feel it? (But also I had no other choice; my parents wouldn't buy sanitary products).
I still find pads gross; plus these days they often smell really odd and floral and it's all you can smell until your period stops. I use tampons fine now but found them fiddly when I was younger.
I think she'll come through this but I'd make sure there are a range of things available to her so she can try them ￼
agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 12:12
Nobody asked her to join in at school and she wasn't talking about her personal experiences, did it off her own back- just facts she had read from books I bought her and it opened up a discussion in which almost all the girls then contributed to. This was over half a year ago and there was no problems afterward so I don't think it was this but maybe.
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