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To think DD11 should use sanitary products

191 replies

agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 11:22

DD 11 started her period when she was 10 and was fantastic. Even had a phone call from her teacher during week they talked about periods at school to thank me and DD as she helped the teacher with discussions and was very well informed and open.
The last few months everything has changed. She hides blooded clothes in her room and won't talk about it at all and I try not to force her to.
She has her own products but last night when I found a hidden pair of PJ's told me she uses toilet paper and doesn't want to talk about it, except to say she hates towels and will never use tampons. Wasn't willing to hear my other suggestions.
Should I just let her be? My concern is that it could fall out and she'd be embarrassed. As far as I know it won't damage her to do this, although I don't think it's the most hygienic option.
She has lots of books and up until recently has handled it so well and openly.
Any thoughts?

OP posts:

bigKiteFlying · 19/10/2018 12:44

how she gets a pad to the toilet

That was an issue in primary school many of us had - bags and coats being in clock room needing a trip there first - much less so at secondary where bags were with you.


Jux · 19/10/2018 12:45

Tena Lady are much thicker, and probably more absorbent (?), than period pads. If she were to use one of those while she's at school, she wouldn't have to change it there, perhaps. I know that's not great, one pad for about 7 hours, but it may help her get over this phase, until all the girls have periods and they become an ordinary thing,


sunshinelollipopsrainbows · 19/10/2018 12:48

I have a reaction to pads and hate them too, they feel like they're dragging my pelvic floor down and they itch and burn. I bought cloth pads and they are incredible! So comfy.


Bishalisha · 19/10/2018 12:49

Bless her, I agree with the PP who said to go and buy every different type there is and ask her to text you what ones to add to the shopping list going forward. She really does need a bin in the bathroom to dispose of them too.


CaptSkippy · 19/10/2018 12:50

She doesn't need to go with a Mooncup specifically. There are companies that make cups specifically for teenagers. If she thinks pads and period pants are gross (although I don't understand how soiled trousers, underwear and PJs are somehow not) and is worried about TSS, then a small period cup might be the thing for her. They work similar to tampons.


agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 12:51

She was light flow until recently so one pad was ok for whole of school day- she did have them in her bag though. I would totally understand if she was using toilet roll at school because she was embarrassed about having to get a pad from her bag and I will mention this to her and possibly her teacher, but the fact she's doing it at home and hiding her clothes is worrying me.

OP posts:

Melamin · 19/10/2018 12:51

Women need pockets Hmm


WTFIsAGleepglorp · 19/10/2018 12:52

Unbleached sanitary towels.


Wordsandpictures · 19/10/2018 12:55

As someone said, upthread, buy her a whole range, add chocolate of choice and a note to let you know which she would like on a regular basis. Bin in bathroom is a good idea but does she have a brother who she thinks might see what is in the bin and make comments. It is a lot to take in. Keep it all low key and I'm sure she will talk to you in time. Or others at school will catch up with her and it will soon be the norm and possibly not so scary??


agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 12:55

(although I don't understand how soiled trousers, underwear and PJs are somehow not) I tried to tactfully make this point to her last night and she told me she didn't care.
And not having pockets is a pain :') she hates trousers, isn't allowed to wear leggings to school and school jumpers don't have any pockets

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 19/10/2018 12:55

I would also suspect she's been in some way bullied about this. Clearly her solution isn't workable, but her objective is not to have any period related products, I would assume in school as the starting point.

So something has happened that has caused her some distress.


QueenoftheNights · 19/10/2018 12:57

@ Stripyhoglets1 Fri 19-Oct-18 11:24:41
Get her some of the period pants I've seen advertised. Like wearing normal underwear but absoerbant and waterproof - or maybe try some washable cotton pads if she find normal pads uncomfortable.

@period pants' are not worn with no san pro- they are meant to be worn with pads- says so on the label!


KnucklestheEchidna · 19/10/2018 13:01

Difficult situation. It sounds like she's in a bit of denial about becoming adult, not wanting to entertain the thought of puberty / periods and perhaps by not pre-planning for the use of regular sanitary products, she might be hoping that it will all just go away and she won't have to deal with it at all.

I started at 11 but as I went to an all girls school, it was a bit of a non-issue. One girl in my friendship group started at 9 and I believe we had all started by 13 so we would share spare pads and things. I have never and likely will never use tampons so can't offer my opinion there - I think that was the only thing where I was slightly out of the ordinary at school, as most of the girls chose to use tampons. I do remember one girl having bled through her white trousers during class one day though which was awful and I felt so sorry for her.

It was obviously still utterly embarrassing to talk to my mum about anything like that at that age so would definitely recommend the route of purchasing products for her to use privately, as I would have surely died of embarrassment at the thought of discussing the process of puberty with my mum. Period pants seem like a good starting point, wish I had some at that age to make the transition a bit easier.

Maybe you could put together a little gift box with not just sanitary items but some nice treats as well to keep in her bedroom, which you can then keep stocked without her having to speak about it.


RB68 · 19/10/2018 13:02

I would say the issue is carrying pads and disposing of them - in which case the cloth ones go on and you can wear them longer than disposable ones, you can get them in all sorts of fabrics including bamboo which is more enviro friendly as well.

I don't think my DD even uses the loo at school if it can be avoided a) they are awful b) never clean c) full of other people lol


Melamin · 19/10/2018 13:03

It does sound like she is trying to pretend it isn't happening on some conscious level. It reminds me of a friends daughter with enuresis issues. I think the only answer is to KOKO and providing lots of alternatives until something sticks, or she tells you what the issue is.


Melamin · 19/10/2018 13:05

I don't think my DD even uses the loo at school if it can be avoided a) they are awful b) never clean c) full of other people lol

Our school loos were full of girls smoking and hiding from lessons.


CaptSkippy · 19/10/2018 13:05

I always take my bag into the bathroom with me. Although I am no longer ashamed of people knowing I when I am menstruating, it's just easier to keep them in my bag and take the thing with me into the bathroom. That way I won't forget either.


Tomorrowillbeachicken · 19/10/2018 13:05

Period pants or cloth san towels


Chalkhillblu3 · 19/10/2018 13:06

I remember tampax used to have a stupid advert then that said 'you hardly need to touch yourself', but as a kid I actually I appreciated that. The applicator did all the work, and I didn't worry that I touched the dirty door handle before, or got it wrong. It was such a blessed relief after vile pads. Maybe she would try an organic applicator tampon if you left some lying around for her to try at home at her leisure?

As for what caused the sudden change in her behaviour, I would do some discreet asking and nosing around at the school about the changing rooms and toilet facilities, bins etc. Have they recently been changed around? Are they clean, do the locks work and do they flush properly, is there a bin in all the cubicles? Is there a more out of the way toilet at school for a bit of privacy? Has something changed with the routine, so the kids have less time to go to the toilet or have to go at a time when they can't get to their bags?

Does she have any older female cousins or family friends who she could hang out with a bit? It's horrible being in a cohort where you are feeling like you are some kind of puberty pioneer, while everyone else is rocking the end of their childhood.


agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 13:10

Did the box idea when she started. I really feel for her, she did so well being so young at the time it all came about, was so open in talking about it and handled it so well considering her age. It does seem pretty likely someone has said something to her with her changing quite suddenly. Girls at her school aren't the nicest and we've had issues before.
Or maybe just that now she is going through other changes and noticing things she doesn't want to grow up or go through puberty and is her way of dealing with it.

OP posts:

ColinsVeryJolly · 19/10/2018 13:10

This has bought back memories of the awkward situation of changing sanitary towels at school. I overcame it by putting my towels in a tobacco tin so if anyone saw it in my bag they’d just think I was ‘super cool’ smoker sneaking off for a fag.

Don’t think that would work at 11 though bless her.


Lovemusic33 · 19/10/2018 13:11

Both my dd’s Started young, my youngest is now 12 and still isn’t regular, she has Autism and hates wearing pads and often doesn’t tell me when she has started (she needs help to change). I’m going to look at the period pants for her as she gets no help to change at school and has major issues about using the toilets (will wait until she gets home).

My eldest has Aspergers and will wear big nighttime pads so she can go all day without changing at school.


Tinty · 19/10/2018 13:14

OP If as you say this has just become an issue now, I would say it is because she has just started secondary school and it is getting used to new school toilets. She felt comfortable in Primary not so much at Secondary. It is horrible for them and so unfair at such a young age. It might be that there are not many of them that have started yet (or she doesn't know who else has and feels odd and different).

Seriously, what's the difference between a wad of toilet tissue and a pad?

You don't have to take a pad out of your bag and take it to the toilet. You just drop the tissue in the toilet (no touching). You just roll up new toilet paper and put in pants. You don't have to put the pad in a dirty and noisy bin that others can hear. Feels so much less hassle when you are young and embarrassed.


agirlhasnonameX · 19/10/2018 13:16

@ColinsVeryJolly sorry but had to laugh at that :') smoking perfectly acceptable but periods not. That's awful.
Will be asking school about bins in loo too thanks.
She could keep pad in her coat pocket as coats get hung up outside classroom no one would see her take it out. But again still not sure this is the problem as she won't use anything at home either and she probably wouldn't want to risk it falling out at break.

OP posts:

newrubylane · 19/10/2018 13:17

Another vote for period pants. You might need some protection on heavier days but on the lighter days they are fine alone. I can honestly say they changed my life. Also, she could use those with toilet roll if she really wants to continue doing so, and they will at least protect her clothes.

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