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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this can’t be a common way of thinking?

184 replies

QueenofmyPrinces · 16/10/2018 18:24

I was in a shop earlier pushing a trolley around with my two children in, one of whom is a 14 month old.

We got to the check-out and the woman in front looked like she was in her 60s and had a young infant sitting in her trolley too.

We got chatting about the little ones and the lady said it was her granddaughter who she looks after a few days a week.

I asked her if it was her first grandchild and she said that she had a grandchild through her son too but this one (the one in the trolley) was her daughter’s child and so it was her “first proper grandchild.”

What the hell?

I had absolutely no idea what to say in response so I just smiled.

I know there’s stereotypes of a lovely mother/daughter relationship etc etc but to say that a child that comes from your daughter more of a grandchild than one that comes from your son is pretty out there in terms of thinking isn’t it?!

OP posts:
Sadoldbagpuss · 16/10/2018 18:26

Aw no that's not nice Sad

IncomingCannonFire · 16/10/2018 18:27

ShockSad

krazycatlady · 16/10/2018 18:28

How bizarre Shock

easyandy101 · 16/10/2018 18:29

Going by the mil threads in here I wonder how such a thing could have come about Grin

HollowTalk · 16/10/2018 18:29

What? That's bonkers!

RaininSummer · 16/10/2018 18:30

That is just odd I think.

Hairytangerine · 16/10/2018 18:31

Do you think she meant it was a stepson through son?

ScurrilousSquirrel · 16/10/2018 18:32

DSis has 2 daughters, but when her SIL had a girl, her MIL said how lovely it was to have a grandaughter at last. It was one of many nails in the coffin of their relationship...

Getoffthetableplease · 16/10/2018 18:32

That's kind of how my grandparents (father's side) were, and how my mum is too Sad

BuffaloGiraffe · 16/10/2018 18:32

Evil witch! Can see why she feels that way, she has probably alienated her DiL, so has reduced contact with those grandchildren.

I only have sons and hope I won’t be anything like my MiL has been to my partner and I. In fact, I will do my utmost not to.

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 16/10/2018 18:33

She said it as though any grandchild that is born ‘belongs’ to the mother’s side of the family - ergo her son’s baby is a true grandchild of her DIL’s parents but not so much a grandchild of hers....

OP posts:
BrieAndChilli · 16/10/2018 18:34

Whatabout people who only have sons- do they not have any grandchildren??!!

Welshmaiden85 · 16/10/2018 18:35

I think is my mils view. I don’t see my parents much due to them living in Australia so I would love for her to treat them equally. She tried to cover it up but it shines through. Sad

pigsDOfly · 16/10/2018 18:36

Perhaps she was not being clear in how she expressed herself and the child through her son was actually her son's step child, which would make that child not really her grand child.

Otherwise that's a really weird way of thinking about her relationships, not just with her grandchildren, but with her own children as well.

TheSultanofPingu · 16/10/2018 18:37

I was thinking the same as hairy
Maybe her son has a stepchild, making her a stepgrandma.

MattBerrysHair · 16/10/2018 18:37

My dm is like this too. Since I only have boys myself, going by her logic, the liklihood of having any grandchildren myself are rather slim. Batshit is the word that currently spring to mind...

NonaGrey · 16/10/2018 18:38

My MIL would be horrified and furious if anyone dated to suggest that our D.C. weren’t “proper” grandchildren.

Do you think HM the Queen thinks that William, Harry, Beatrice, Eugenie, Louise and James aren’t “proper grandchildren” and prefers Peter and Zara?

pigsDOfly · 16/10/2018 18:38

x post with Hairytangerine.

tiggerkid · 16/10/2018 18:40

My MIL definitely doesn't treat my son the same way she treats her daughters' kids. The daughters' kids get birthday presents and Xmas presents and she also buys other random things for them. My son never got a birthday card or a present from her. Nor a phone call on his birthdays. He is nearly 17 now and I've long given up on it all but, to be honest, deep inside I think I still resent her and her attitude. Particularly because I don't have 10 other kids. I only have one.

pigsDOfly · 16/10/2018 18:40

Seems from some of the posts on here that she's not the only one who thinks like that. Very odd.

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 16/10/2018 18:41

She said her son had a child so I assumed that to mean he has a biological child, not a step child.

Both my children are boys so I guess like a poster said above, I’m not destined to be a real grandparent either....

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 16/10/2018 18:41

Thankfully my MIL definitely doesn’t feel like that.

Randomusername01 · 16/10/2018 18:41

Maybe she has a bat shit dil (plenty of them have started threads on mn) and she doesnt have the same relationship with her sons children as she does with her daughter's children through no fault of her own. Unless we know the full back story its difficult to judge to be honest.

MarilynsDressOnAVent · 16/10/2018 18:41

If I try very, very hard to see her meaning in a positive way, maybe it's because her son doesn't see his kids?

My dad's partner has two sons and a daughter and only the sons have kids. None of which she ever sees because of relationship breakdowns and of course, her raising deadbeat, feckless dad's for sons. There's a few kids I believe but different mums. I suspect when or if her daughter has any children, they will be "proper grandkids".

If the supermarket woman does have grandkids she sees from her son then she is a piece of shit and doesn't deserve any.

Oysterbabe · 16/10/2018 18:42

Not that it's an excuse, but maybe she doesn't see the other one and the parents have split.