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Is this CF behaviour or..?

283 replies

mollycoddle77 · 16/10/2018 10:49

I have read Aibu threads for years now and finally have an issue myself which I would genuinely like to hear the MNetters views on!

Basically one of the mum's in my DD's class has texted me to ask if her DD can come to our house to play, and in the same message asking me to send her some available dates. - is this normal behaviour? I thought you waited to be invited... I feel really put on the spot and sort of forced to chirp back 'yeah sure that would be lovely!' But that's not how I feel. I don't mind her DD, but my DD has not asked to see her after school (they are 6), and it just wouldn't occur to me to invite her otherwise. There is also a bit of backstory with this particular mum, in that she has always snubbed me when she can get away with it, pretending not to see me, walking past me without a hello etc. Just a bit of frostiness since day 1. So I now feel slightly manipulated into inviting her DD and where I might have otherwise not minded going along with it, I feel a bit resentful.

What do the rest of you think? Be nice and invite her DD? It's not a big deal (especially if it wasn't for how I feel about her mum). Or if not, what do I write back?

OP posts:
Cheesecake53 · 16/10/2018 10:55

It sounds a bit strange from me, but I know such a mum, too. if I were you, I would ask dd if she'd like to have a play date with the girl, if yes, then agree on a day you think is best and just offer that day. If dd says no to a play date, then I would reply a more general "Thank you, but it is not really convenient for us (at the time)" - in light of the snubbing behaviour, maybe write that anyway, unless your daughter is really eager for a play date.

Cheesecake53 · 16/10/2018 10:56

sounds strange for* me, not from :)

ellendegeneres · 16/10/2018 10:57

She’s not after a play date she’s after childcare. Reply

No, won’t work for me I’m afraid, very busy.

theworldistoosmall · 16/10/2018 10:57

I would text back - Oh, just re-read it. Thought you were inviting dd to yours.
How does this person have your number anyway ?

Cheesecake53 · 16/10/2018 10:57

ahh the * signs - no bold letters were intended.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/10/2018 10:57

The cheeky cow is looking for free childcare. I wouldn't even bother to respond. If you open the door to this you'll never be rid of her.

ProfessorMoody · 16/10/2018 10:58

Every time she sends dates, respond with "sorry none of those dates are convenient for us". She'll soon stop.

Thisreallyisafarce · 16/10/2018 10:59

That is really cheeky. I would just say, "Sorry, can't do it right now. Let me know if you'd like to host though."

Cheeky mare.

mollycoddle77 · 16/10/2018 11:00

Yes but @ProfessorMoody that's why she's asking me for dates, she has backed me into a corner..

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 16/10/2018 11:01

How has she got your number?
Does your daughter want a play date?

If she does either send a date that is convenient for you but suggest that as you don't know DD she stops with her,
Or deliberately misread and say DD would love to come over, how about X date

Littlebluebird123 · 16/10/2018 11:01

I think that's weird and rude tbh!
I always say to my kids that you can invite someone round but you don't demand to go to theirs. If the chn want a play date and she can't host then I would have thought you'd have a chat and you'd offer.
Maybe she's looking for childcare? (CF) Maybe she is under the impression your dd has asked her dd to play? (Not a CF, just lacking in social skills?)

If you're ok with her coming over, I'd check with dd.
If you don't want her over, just say you're really busy at the moment and will see when you're free. (I would have just said to ignore tbh but you've already replied.)

Hissy · 16/10/2018 11:01

Usually people invite YOUR kid to THEIRS for playdates, not the other way around.

If your DD isn't that fussed, given the snubbing, then text back that it might work and you'll get back to her. Then don't.

Sounds like she's worked through the list of other mums that were useful to her and run low, so looking to you to get a break from her DD.

StoorieHoose · 16/10/2018 11:01

Ignore this CF like she ignores you!

I would go as far as blocking her number.

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 16/10/2018 11:01

Your not backed in a corner. Just say what date do you want to do a play date? Say yes or no to that one date. Any other dates she suggests say your busy.

ComtesseDeSpair · 16/10/2018 11:02

Unusual to ask. But if it’s childcare she’s after it seems odd to ask you to suggest dates. Is it possible she’s socially awkward? Would explain why she appears to “snub” or ignore you. Is her DD popular? If not, this could be a pretty desperate attempt to make her some friends.

Allthewaves · 16/10/2018 11:04

She could be incredibly socially awkward. I wouldn't say free childcare if she has asked you for dates. I cringe thinking back to my child starting school. I sent a whole letter to mum inviting her child for play date and listing specific dates when we were free and asking what her child liked to eat - I was that anxious and tried to control everything. Perhaps she lives in not nice house or struggles to invite people. I also appear frosty and snub people as my anxiety gets so high at kids school.

Give her benefit of the doubt and try one play date.

mollycoddle77 · 16/10/2018 11:04

She has my number because there is a parent list with everyone's numbers in that class. The tricky thing is that I don't work at the moment and have my children every day after school. So I don't have obvious reasons for being busy, especially not after school.

OP posts:
ellendegeneres · 16/10/2018 11:05

You’re seriously not backed into a corner! Have a bit of assertiveness!

This woman blanks you. So do it back.
Block her number and go on with your day. If she approaches you, say ‘oh yeah I don’t use that number anymore. Got to dash!’

StoorieHoose · 16/10/2018 11:05

Just because you don’t have anything in after school doesn’t obligate you to host play dates.

Justmuddlingalong · 16/10/2018 11:05

Just ignore the messages. Your DD doesn't want to spend time with her after school. That's a good enough reason in itself.

ellendegeneres · 16/10/2018 11:06

I’d be taking my number off the class list too- data protection. Nobody gets my number unless I offer it. Nope.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 16/10/2018 11:06

Well I would either just ignore the message or say yes sounds lovely I’ll check my diary and then ‘forget’ to message her.
Definitely cf territory. My kids know not to invite themselves to others houses so an adult should know it’s rude!


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SodTheBloodyLotOfThem · 16/10/2018 11:06

Just reply saying "I'm afraid that's not going to work for us at the moment sorry". Because it doesn't.

gothefcktosleep · 16/10/2018 11:06

I would reply “sure let me look at dates and come back to you”


If chased, do a tinkly text speak laugh about being really busy, say you’ll look now... don’t actually do that and repeat forever more. Simples.

NotMyFinestMoment · 16/10/2018 11:06

She's most definitely a CF.

Just say no, or better still just totally ignore her (she'll soon take the hint). If you feel the need to respond, say you have relatives staying over/leak in your roof/you've injured your back, etc. so YOU will come back to her when it's more convenient for you. Rinse and repeat (that should stop her contacting you/or she'll get fed up and go away).

I personally think it's a very bad idea to entertain her request of playdates. The reason being is she already treats you like trash, so her behaviour is not likely to improve and if anything will worsen. She's already got away with treating you like crap, so how bad is it going to get when she's been inside your home and gets to know you. I would also question why after so long and after treating you so poorly, she is suddenly looking for a reason to bring her child and herself into your home. I wouldn't entertain her nonsense as far as I could throw her. She sounds like a thoroughly nasty piece of work as well as a CF.

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