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Is this CF behaviour or..?

283 replies

mollycoddle77 · 16/10/2018 10:49

I have read Aibu threads for years now and finally have an issue myself which I would genuinely like to hear the MNetters views on!

Basically one of the mum's in my DD's class has texted me to ask if her DD can come to our house to play, and in the same message asking me to send her some available dates. - is this normal behaviour? I thought you waited to be invited... I feel really put on the spot and sort of forced to chirp back 'yeah sure that would be lovely!' But that's not how I feel. I don't mind her DD, but my DD has not asked to see her after school (they are 6), and it just wouldn't occur to me to invite her otherwise. There is also a bit of backstory with this particular mum, in that she has always snubbed me when she can get away with it, pretending not to see me, walking past me without a hello etc. Just a bit of frostiness since day 1. So I now feel slightly manipulated into inviting her DD and where I might have otherwise not minded going along with it, I feel a bit resentful.

What do the rest of you think? Be nice and invite her DD? It's not a big deal (especially if it wasn't for how I feel about her mum). Or if not, what do I write back?

OP posts:

highheelsandbobblehats · 18/10/2018 17:29

I'm going to go against the grain here. I've texted mums to ask if my DS can come to their house for a play. But I know the mums, I'm always friendly when I see them, and I did start my text off with 'I know that this is massively cheeky and please say no if it's in any way inconvenient...' I also then go on to say that of course I will have little Johnny over in return, or first if she would prefer that. I do it because my eldest asks. And he's completely socially awkward, so I help him where I can. He's 7.

It could be that her daughter has asked to come to play, or that the two of them have discussed it at school and she's just being proactive, albeit clumsily. But that doesn't excuse the blanking in the playground.

Does your daughter want this playdate to happen?


Hissy · 18/10/2018 17:31

Op said she’d spoken to her dd who said nothing had been said and that they didn’t play together

Op also said other parents had had similar texts to arrange —childcare— play dates


Gemini69 · 18/10/2018 17:35

I think ASKING for your child to go over to someone else's house is very rude.. Flowers


missbloomsbury · 18/10/2018 17:39

I was a class rep for many years. The standard arrangement was to ask each parent at the start of the school year if they wanted to be on a class list. If yes, their contact info was distributed to parents of that class only. Cross-class friendships naturally happened but even so, parents wouldn’t pass on contact info without getting permission first.


TheDowagerCuntess · 18/10/2018 18:21

But to a certain extent, all 7YOs are socially awkward. They haven't learnt the social niceties yet, and of course they will ask if they can go to a friend's.

Mine have asked, and I've just no, I'll invite X to come to our place and then we wait to be invited back, and they inevitably are.

I don't think it's necessarily doing a 'socially awkward' (any) child any favours not to explain how it works.

When you invite your kid to someone else's place, they will feel obliged to tidy up, get food in, host and be responsible for someone else's child. It's not a small ask.

That's why you offer to do all that - and leave them to offer in return, if/when they want to - on their terms.


TheDowagerCuntess · 18/10/2018 18:30

And to all this saying this ^ viewpoint is 'horrid' or 'nasty', just ... Confused

It's called being considerate, and thoughtful of other people, and not foisting you / your kid on someone else.

If you want your DC to hang out, just offer to have them at yours, and then wait for the inevitable return invitation.


AlbertaWildRose · 18/10/2018 20:14

Where I live (Canada) it is very common to give out class contact lists to enable contact for parties and play dates. But we can certainly opt out if we don't want our details shared. Here it is very UNcommon to invite the whole class for birthday parties, and teachers do not let party invitations come to school, so the list is a lifesaver! I have no problem with it at all.


CheungS255 · 02/11/2018 22:40

maybe just maybe she is just rushing and too stress and not stop to be friendly. we never know how other people's life is like. perhaps her child said she wanted to play with your dd but she cant make it and asked if you could have them? sometimes, things is not what it seems to be. granted we always wait to be invited but kids will be kids and often like to be invited to someone's house instead of playing in their own house.i have had my kids friends parents call up to ask if their child could come over. i didnt mind. its a start to friendship either way and now they are best of friends and and the family is actually very nice and they do the same for me when i needed help as i did for them. lt goes both ways. i tend to prefer to have an open mind until they prove me wrong

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