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What to do with aupair

607 replies

Whattheactualheck · 15/10/2018 17:04

Would really appreciate some help here. Aupair started out fairly promisingly but things are becoming increasingly strained. It doesn’t feel as though she wants to be part of our family. She spends a lot of time on her phone when she’s supposedly “ playing “ with the kids. I’ve already told her about this several times. She can’t cook and so I’m preparing all the meals even when I come back from work I’ve barely got my foot in the door and I’m busy in the kitchen. She has every weekend off and has friends she stays with in the next town so we don’t see her from Saturday morning until Sunday late at night. This is fine and I’m glad she has fun. However it’s the attitude when she’s here. She’s cold with the children. Makes no conversation and acts like she doesn’t like them. My son was ill the other day and I said I had to go back to work for a few hours and could she please look after him. I got tearful phone call from him saying could I come home as the aupair went out just after I’d left. My husband and I repeatedly tried to phone her but she wouldn’t pick up. I had to leave work in the end and her reason when I finally got hold of her was “ it was such a gorgeous sunny day I really fancied a walk”. A two hour walk when you’ve got a sick child that you’re supposed to be in charge of? Then this morning another tearful call from son saying she’s been mean to him and his siblings. Cold and snappy and just generally rolling eyes at them and being unkind. Would I be justified in calling it a day? Son she left alone is 11 by the way. I don’t mind twenty mins here and there but this was over two hours . I’ve had enough.

OP posts:
Feefeetrixabelle · 15/10/2018 17:05

Fire her and get a new au pair. She doesn’t want the job and she’s taking the piss

cleopatracomingatya · 15/10/2018 17:06

get rid now!! you should be 100% happy with who you leave with your children.

SandAndSea · 15/10/2018 17:08

It sounds like she doesn't meet even the most basic requirements for the job. I would get rid of her.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/10/2018 17:09

She sounds dreadful.

Fire her without a second thought and tell her why.

Awful attitude.

ShesABelter · 15/10/2018 17:09

Yeah I'd of fired her instantly for leaving your son when ill for so long!!

JodieWhittakersBraces · 15/10/2018 17:11

Fire her! Trust your gut. Good luck.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/10/2018 17:11

Get rid!!

Fatasfook · 15/10/2018 17:12

You could give her a warning. A week to improve but tbh it’s probably best if you get a new nanny

Nightwatch999 · 15/10/2018 17:14

If you were that concerned about your DS being poorly you should of stayed at home and looked after him yourself! She is not a nurse/chef/dogsbody to do the things you cant be bothered too.

LadyGrey1013 · 15/10/2018 17:14

Get rid of her! She sounds appalling.

olympicsrock · 15/10/2018 17:18

Horrible girl - get rid!

sunshinewithabitofdrizzle · 15/10/2018 17:20

I'd have fired her a while ago, she's not doing the job she was hired to do.

Feefeetrixabelle · 15/10/2018 17:23

Not everyone has that choice nightwatch999 and to help assist the family as occasional carer through minor illness, child watching, cleaning and preparing meals is exactly what an au pairs job is.

Whattheactualheck · 15/10/2018 17:24


I know how it must come across but it’s not like that. I got the aupair because I work full time and I’m on my own all week. I normally take time off myself when kids are ill but this time I had to go in for three hours as I had a preplanned meeting that involved lots of people who had traveled to be there. Child had sore throat /headache virus. There wasn’t anything to actually do nursing wise just to be there till I got home. Sorry if I’m drip feeding. Also I’ve been an aupair myself so I’m aware of how it feels and I do treat her very well.

OP posts:
IABURQO · 15/10/2018 17:25

Just get someone new and let her know why.

Ilikeknitting · 15/10/2018 17:29

Just get rid!

thisneverendingsummer · 15/10/2018 17:30

Not a hard decision. Give her her cards. Sounds like she has zero interest in your family....... only in having fun!

Dragon3 · 15/10/2018 17:31

For reliable childcare, I think that you need a nanny rather than an aupair.

thisneverendingsummer · 15/10/2018 17:31


Just stop it FGS! Your post is horrid.

Loonoon · 15/10/2018 17:32

Don’t feel guilty OP. You left your son in the care of a supposedly responsible adult.

Sack the au pair at once, she isn’t living as a family member and helping out. Find someone nicer and more reliable.

ivykaty44 · 15/10/2018 17:32

Fire her and change the WiFi password

Sashkin · 15/10/2018 17:32

Nightwatch, minding children, light housework and preparing meals are all core au pair duties. What exactly do you think this girl is being paid to do?

I’d have sacked her the minute I found out she left your son unattended when she was in charge of him. Appalling behaviour.


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Sethis · 15/10/2018 17:32

If you were that concerned about your DS being poorly you should of stayed at home and looked after him yourself! She is not a nurse/chef/dogsbody to do the things you cant be bothered too.

Um, that's basically what the Au Pair is expected to do.

Generally look after the kids while the parents are working. This includes making food (although probably not 5 course meals), monitoring through minor illnesses (upset stomach, colds etc) and is precisely there to make the life of the parents easier by doing the multiple little things that eat up your time and take it away from other things you could be doing.

She's crap and you should fire her. If she came from an agency, you need to report exactly the above to the agency. Sounds like she's treating you roughly the same as she would her own parents. It's a job. She's not your family. She should be professional to the extent that she's capable.

Bobaboutwhat · 15/10/2018 17:33

Is she Ofsted registered OP I’m a childminder so maybe different rules for au pairs but if you are paying for childcare, all children need to be in earshot atleast. For her to leave the premises of a child under her care surely can not be right no matter how old they are!

AviatorShades · 15/10/2018 17:35

Just NO! I've both been an au pair and had one. This is no fit AT ALL!
Hope you can get rid asap,OP..

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