What to do with aupair

[Whattheactualheck]

Would really appreciate some help here. Aupair started out fairly promisingly but things are becoming increasingly strained. It doesn’t feel as though she wants to be part of our family. She spends a lot of time on her phone when she’s supposedly “ playing “ with the kids. I’ve already told her about this several times. She can’t cook and so I’m preparing all the meals even when I come back from work I’ve barely got my foot in the door and I’m busy in the kitchen. She has every weekend off and has friends she stays with in the next town so we don’t see her from Saturday morning until Sunday late at night. This is fine and I’m glad she has fun. However it’s the attitude when she’s here. She’s cold with the children. Makes no conversation and acts like she doesn’t like them. My son was ill the other day and I said I had to go back to work for a few hours and could she please look after him. I got tearful phone call from him saying could I come home as the aupair went out just after I’d left. My husband and I repeatedly tried to phone her but she wouldn’t pick up. I had to leave work in the end and her reason when I finally got hold of her was “ it was such a gorgeous sunny day I really fancied a walk”. A two hour walk when you’ve got a sick child that you’re supposed to be in charge of? Then this morning another tearful call from son saying she’s been mean to him and his siblings. Cold and snappy and just generally rolling eyes at them and being unkind. Would I be justified in calling it a day? Son she left alone is 11 by the way. I don’t mind twenty mins here and there but this was over two hours . I’ve had enough.

[Dragon3]

I thought that aupairs were not supposed to replace qualified childcare?? More of a big sister role with very light tasks and not much actual responsibility. Either way, this is not working out for either of you, so I would certainly look elsewhere OP. Don't feel bad about it.

[Lunde]

How good is her English? Sometimes it is easy to come over as "cold" when speaking a foreign language when it is mostly that you are concentrating on each word.

However it sounds like you are really looking for a nanny who can entertain children, cook and look over a poorly child rather than an unqualified au pair on a cultural/language exchange who does a little housework and school runs etc for pocket money.

[Littlechocola]

She doesn’t like your children, she shouldn’t be there.
She left a sick child? Shouldn’t be there.

Have you spoken to her about this?

[Aquamarine1029]

She would be out of my home before she could turn around. Fire her immediately.

[BishyBarneyBee3]

She shouldn't be working with children if she doesn't like them! Fire her.

[Whattheactualheck]

Her English is excellent Lunde and I’m fluent in her language also so there’s no problem there. Infact I’ve not asked her to do any childcare till that point. I did ask her to pick up the kids from school once or twice but she was late a couple of times. Also she never cooks. What she does is the washing of kids clothes. I really don’t treat her badly. I think she’s got it easy compared to my days as an aupair. My kids are all School age so she has all day to herself

[Whattheactualheck]

Also she’s 24. I don’t think asking her to just stay in the house with a child with a minor illness is treating her like a qualified childminder

[Turquoise123]

Ask her to go and end this ASAP it's bad for everyone.

As others have said - we don't all have nice easy lives and yes we sometimes have to go to work when it's very difficult so I hope your next Au Pair is more of a success.

Best of luck !

[ToadOfSadness]

If you were that concerned about your DS being poorly you should of stayed at home and looked after him yourself! She is not a nurse/chef/dogsbody to do the things you cant be bothered too.

So, Nightwatch999 what do you think an au pair job is about then? Or are you the lazy, disinterested girl that works for the OP, or rather isn't doing her job for the OP?

[Dragon3]

Oh, that does sound pretty bad OP. I think you could very reasonably look for someone new. I was thinking 18-year-old, first time away from home.

[aaaaargghhhhelpme]

I’m new to the world of au pairs. Just curious but what exactly are you paying her for then?! What are her contracted duties?

But to be honest she sounds like she wants out and I couldn’t have someone around my kids who had bugger all interest. You sound very fair and having been an au pair yourself I’m going to assume you have a better understanding than someone who hasn’t.

[DerelictWreck]

So she doesn't:
Cook
Do the school run
Play with kids
Look after sick kids

What part of an au pair job does she do?!

[acivilcontract]

She isn't doing the basics of her job, fire her and hire a replacement ASAP. She isn't going to get better.

[eightoclock]

I've been an au pair and had sole charge of two pre schoolers from 8 am to 7 pm 4 days a week as well as housework. I don't think you are unreasonable. People become au pairs because they like children generally. It shouldn't be a hardship to play with them/look after them occasionally. I wonder if 24 is a bit old really - a younger au pair might find it easier to fit in with family life?

[MatildaTheCat]

So she does some children’s laundrey? Ffs woman up and fire her.

[juneau]

Get rid of her (and i say that as a former au pair myself). She's doing absolutely nothing, by the sound of it, so why is she here and why are you paying you? Like getting a dog and barking yourself. I'd fire her immediately and see if you can find someone who will actually be nice to your DC and do the fucking job - which includes childcare and light household duties, inc. cooking for the DC, taking them to/from school, to/from playdates or grandma's house, playing with them, helping them with their homework, running the hoover round, clearing up the breakfast dishes and does NOT includes being an entitled little madam who does fuck all or does it with bad grace.

[juneau]

*her

[Whattheactualheck]

Honestly? She makes the beds or tells the kids to ( fair enough so they should!) washes clothes for them, and sometimes loads empties dishwasher. It’s sad but it’s creating a horrible atmosphere. Kids are so quiet with her here

[Whattheactualheck]

I’ve been through her duties several times now in a nice way, more directive and in an email. She knows what she’s supposed to do. She seems to be having a great social life and goes to the gym and fitness classes each day without fail. She’s well paid and we paid for her gym membership

[dontfluffthefluffer]

Cancel her gym membership, change the WiFi password, tell her to leave. She's clearly freeloading and thinking of this as a holiday.

[Tomatoesrock]

Fire her. Your DC shouldn't be made uncomfortable in their home. Hopefully you will have better luck next time.

[willgiveitago]

You’ve treated her well - the problem doesn’t lie there. She thinks she can walk all over you and take advantage of you and maybe thinks you’d be too nice to fire her. Definitely fire her!

[Aquamarine1029]

Why are you still debating this? She needs to be out on her arse.

[sparklepops123]

If she left my child alone while they were sick I’d sack her on the spot , she likes a sunny walk, great it’s out there waiting for you

[sollyfromsurrey]

Nightwatch999 clearly is not a working parent and has no idea what an au pair is. An au pair does some childminding in the home and light household duties. They aren't supposed to be a full time cleaner or a full time nanny but they are supposed to around 20 hours a week helping out. Often this is specifically for the times between school finishing and parents getting home from work and they need to be flexible so heloing out when the parent has to work is a perfect example of what an au pair could be asked to do. They get board and pay Nightwatch999. What do you think they are?