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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and FIL have turned up uninvited

340 replies

scrabblechampion · 14/10/2018 10:58

I don’t want them here. DH is out (sport he does every Sunday) there’s washing all over the place, the place is a tip, I’ve got a cold, there’s no food in (DH going to supermarket on the way home) and they’re sat on the sofa in the other room waiting for him.

I let them in so as to not cause a scene and now I’m crying in the bedroom.

I hate it when they do this. I’m in my 30s, I should be able to tell them to get out of my home.

Can’t get hold of DH, he leaves his phone in the car. Have left a message to come straight home and get rid of them.

They KNOW he’s out at this time. They pretended they forgot. I don’t know what they want.

OP posts:
redsummershoes · 14/10/2018 11:01

pull yourself together.
make a cup of tea for you and pil.
make small talk and tell them to call dh to arrange meeting up next time.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 14/10/2018 11:01

Is there a history of them being like this? It seems a little extreme for you to be hiding away crying - are you ok?

Could you be brutal and ignore them - go about your morning as you would if they weren't there?

ThisIsTheNational · 14/10/2018 11:02

Maybe they like you and wanted to spend time with you? Maybe they thought you might be lonely with DH out? Why do you feel it is an antagonistic act on their behalf?

Emma765 · 14/10/2018 11:03

Is there background here? Why does it upset you so much?

I'd say "Excuse the mess, I wasn't expecting anyone", make them a cup of tea and wait for DH to come home.

My in laws surprised us once by visiting, they live a few hours away. We'd just moved in to a new house, it was a total building site. I was off work with depression but they didn't know so came to nosey at the house and caught me in.

FiL helped my husband fit the kitchen, but my plans was putting stuff away and I didn't want to go through all my stuff with MIL so had to entertain for two days when I didn't have a bloody kitchen, any carpets, a living room you could sit in!

Intentions were good but I found it very stressful especially in the state of mine I was in.

DaphneFanshaw · 14/10/2018 11:03

I can feel a big drip feed coming on.

AjasLipstick · 14/10/2018 11:04

What's the matter with you? Confused are they evil?

Make them a cup of bloody tea and talk about the weather!

Guavaf1sh · 14/10/2018 11:04

It’s normal to pop by - make them tea and calm down. It’s not normal to cry because of what is an entirely normal event like this

mimibunz · 14/10/2018 11:05

I wouldn’t bother with the small talk. I would let them feel the full awkwardness of a situation they have created. Or you could just go to them and say “Would the two of you like to come back today at 3:30 when DH is home?”

MumW · 14/10/2018 11:05

I'd make them a cup of tea and apologise and say that you can't sit with them as you really do have to get on with your household jobs.

You can fold/sort washing whilst you make small talk.

BigRedBoat · 14/10/2018 11:06

Tell them you're about to go out and they'll have to come back later if they want to see DH?

Original poster
scrabblechampion · 14/10/2018 11:06

Yes they just turn up when they feel like it. They wanted me to ring DH to tell him to come home but I can’t. He might not be back til one I don’t how far he’s running, I forgot.

OP posts:
AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 14/10/2018 11:07

Ask them to go out and pick something up for lunch?

TimeIhadaNameChange · 14/10/2018 11:07

That's awful! Do they live far away? Can you tell them to come back later?

If not, ignore them. It’s rude, but they were rude first. Just get on with whatever you were planning on doing. Don't keep making them drinks, tell them they know where the kettle is. If they start muttering point out that you had been planning on X as DH was out and you need to get on with it. Even if X is lounging on the sofa watching tv. Don’t feel you have to make them feel comfortable.

ButchyRestingFace · 14/10/2018 11:07

I let them in so as to not cause a scene and now I’m crying in the bedroom.

Why are you crying? Are they sitting out there in the living room on their own?

They pretended they forgot. I don’t know what they want.

To see you?

There must be some backstory here. Confused

Original poster
scrabblechampion · 14/10/2018 11:08

mimibunz thank you yes I’ll ask them to come back. ThTs reasonable isn’t it?

No big drip feed. They cause scenes and I’m scared of them.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 14/10/2018 11:09

Why should you ring DH to come home? Why do they expect DH just to drop plans so they can visit?

How far have they come?

Make tea give them the remote and crack in with your day

lifechangesforever · 14/10/2018 11:09

Well that is quite a drip feed isn't it..

HollowTalk · 14/10/2018 11:10

Get your coat on and say, "I'm off out to the shops now. I'll tell DH you called. He won't be back until later today." And stand with the door open until they leave.

BoomTish · 14/10/2018 11:10

I should be able to tell them to get out of my home

But why would you want to do that? I get that it’s inconvenient, but to actually order them out of the house?! I’d seriously reconsider my relationship with my husband if he ever did that to my parents.

YouBetterWORK · 14/10/2018 11:11

Are they incapable of using the phone to call him themselves? Tell them you're ill, so you're going back to bed and they can help themselves to tea. Or, tell them they can meet DH at his sport if they like - they can sit in their car and wait for him there. Bet they go home instead (that's the particularly evil option though)

Doghorsechicken · 14/10/2018 11:11

As you are crying I imagine you may have some emotional issues. Perhaps they want to keep you company whilst DH is out? Perhaps they’re worried about you? Or maybe they were just passing and thought it would be rude to just carry on past?
My PILs dropped in once and they saw me completely naked Grin I was mortified!! But it wasn’t the end of the world lol! They don’t come unannounced now.

Original poster
scrabblechampion · 14/10/2018 11:12

They live about an hour away. They turn up when they like. I was in bed, I’m not well. If I stay in here they might come in the bedroom I don’t wa to them here.

OP posts:
TimeIhadaNameChange · 14/10/2018 11:12

Definitely tell them to come back. And point out that, even if you could, you wouldn’t want to tell him to come back as it’s his regular run time and he needs it.

They think his/your lives should revolve around them. You need to show them otherwise.

MakeAHouseAHome · 14/10/2018 11:12

I would ignore mine too if they rocked up uninvited!! I would then make DH have a talk with them about how rocking up uninvited to our home isn't acceptable.

explodingkitten · 14/10/2018 11:13

Give them a cuppa, tell them how nice they came but you are leaving in 20 minutes because seeing a friend/ promised to take the kids to the park and meet a friend there/ going over to help granny with something.

Let them drink their tea, put on your coat and go for lunch somewhere.