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MIL and FIL have turned up uninvited

340 replies

scrabblechampion · 14/10/2018 10:58

I don’t want them here. DH is out (sport he does every Sunday) there’s washing all over the place, the place is a tip, I’ve got a cold, there’s no food in (DH going to supermarket on the way home) and they’re sat on the sofa in the other room waiting for him.

I let them in so as to not cause a scene and now I’m crying in the bedroom.

I hate it when they do this. I’m in my 30s, I should be able to tell them to get out of my home.

Can’t get hold of DH, he leaves his phone in the car. Have left a message to come straight home and get rid of them.

They KNOW he’s out at this time. They pretended they forgot. I don’t know what they want.

OP posts:

CupMug · 14/10/2018 11:36

It’s hard to understand what the problem is and why you are crying over this. It’s only two hours until your husband gets home?

It’s a bit odd.


Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 14/10/2018 11:37

Just say you have plans this afternoon and you'll see them another day.


JuliaJaynes9 · 14/10/2018 11:38

Remember this is your home, it's not a public building where they can just turn up and wait if they feel like it
they are treating you like a member of staff or a secretary in your husband's place


GreenTulips · 14/10/2018 11:38

She's not week answering they've invaded her free time demanding she calls DH to return home

They are being rude!


ApolloandDaphne · 14/10/2018 11:38

O0 I get it. You are ill and really not in the mood for dealing with them alone. Why don't you go and say to them that you feel very unwell and ask them to go get coffee somewhere and that you will get your DH to call them when he is home?


Weezol · 14/10/2018 11:38

So, they turn up whenever they want with no warning and demand you ring their son to come home to see them?

That would drive me nuts. Issuing a summons like that - who the fuck does that?

Even worse, expecting you to do it for them. Are they the Queen and Prince Philip? I don't think so.

If you can get them out of the house, do it.

It's time for a serious talk with DP. He needs to put a stop to this.

One of the best skills I ever learned was how to ignore the doorbell/phone when ill. If anyone complains,"I was full of cold, flat out asleep in bed. You know what it's like, I'd have slept through a brass band at the end of the bed!"

I know MN is divided on unannounced callers, but rocking up on a Sunday morning and issuing demands is taking the piss.


annieanonimouse · 14/10/2018 11:38


If they’re still there, gather up ALL of your strength, go into the lounge and say ‘Please leave’ open the front door and wait for them to go, as they’re leaving, say ‘Please don’t ever drop by without calling first, I don’t not like people dropping in’.

If they ask why etc, just say, ‘It doesn’t suit me’ or if they go on about it being DH’s house/home too tell them it’s YOUR home as well and YOU don’t want anyone dropping in unannounced.

Keep repeating the same phrases ‘It doesn’t suit me’ & ‘It’s my home’

You can do this.


Notajourno · 14/10/2018 11:39

I get this OP.

My FIL is your typical ‘pillar of the community’ but behind closed doors is vile and over bearing.

I can barely tolerate being in his presence at the best of times but would find it very intrusive if he was in my house when I was ill, without prior invite and without DP there.

From OPs posts I get the impression they are difficult people. If she isn’t well she may not want to have to deal with the back lash from telling them to leave.

Perhaps go down and just say that you feel awful, can’t get hold of DP, don’t know when he will be back. Then say it was nice to see you, however brief, tell them you’ll get DP to call when he returns and grab their coats/ open the door for them.


SillySallySingsSongs · 14/10/2018 11:41

They live an hour away, they'd plenty of time to send a message to say they were thinking of coming

Tbf they may have done with DH who has left his phone somewhere. He isn't answering for OP either.


Gigglebrain · 14/10/2018 11:42

MN can be so bloody nasty and spiteful at times. Where is your empathy. Op is clearly having a hard time. Just because your Pil are nice, or you can stand up to horrible people does not mean everyone can.
OP. Cough and sneeze a lot, say you are feeling terrible, and that you need to go back to bed. Have a good chat about it to dh later.
Do you have a spy hole in your front door for next time? Just don’t let them in?
Sending you hugs.


Bananasinpyjamas11 · 14/10/2018 11:43

My excuse when visitors pop around is to text them saying sorry can’t answer the door, in shower! Be free afternoon or whenever is convenient. Or phone them from out of shower. Then say can you just text first next time cos I’m often in the middle of stuff and don’t want you to have a wasted journey.

They live an hour away? That’s silly they didn’t text first.

I’d excuse myself now, and just say look I’m really sorry, but I’m feeling unwell. Please help yourself to tea I’ve got to lie down. DH will be back later.


Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 14/10/2018 11:45

@SillySallySingsSongs even if they did message him, without a reply or acknowledgement they should have stated at home.

It's so rude to just turn up at peoples houses with no warning.


choli · 14/10/2018 11:46

Do whatever you do when your mother shows up unexpectedly. I suspect it does not involve weeping in bedrooms.


JuliaJaynes9 · 14/10/2018 11:46

Go to the lounge and stand by the door making that 'and you're on your way out now' gesture with your arm
Say something like 'aaaanyway I've got lots to do and I feel really ill so you two need to get going now'
If they don't rise to their feet say 'come on now off you pop'


JuliaJaynes9 · 14/10/2018 11:48

Then you should add that next time they need to text you first so that you can let them know whether it's convenient and they won't have a wasted journey


Newsofas · 14/10/2018 11:48

Must be a back story here. I do think that your Hs parents are allowed to turn up uninvited.


hellojim · 14/10/2018 11:48

What lexi727 says.

You need to feel comfortable in your own home and you are obviously far from comfortable with this situation. You need your DH on board to organise things with your ILs in future. Is there any pattern to when they turn up or is it random? If you know that they are likely to come on a Sunday it might help to be prepared - hide the car/go out/don't answer the door etc so that they have a wasted journey and then hopefully less likely to repeat.


SnuggyBuggy · 14/10/2018 11:49

Next time don't answer the door. It's not your fault they couldn't be arsed to make plans. Right now I would suggest they drive to where your DH is based. Don't be a good host, I will only encourage them.


HavelockVetinari · 14/10/2018 11:49

Some nasty buggers on here today.

Flowers OP, your PIL sound horrible, I hope your DH gets home soon. Stay in your room or lock yourself in the bathroom after explaining to them that you're unwell.


RonaldMcDonald · 14/10/2018 11:49

You seriously need to reread your post


GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 14/10/2018 11:50

Why are you scared of them ?


TatianaLarina · 14/10/2018 11:50

I would make them a cup of tea, explain you’ve got a cold then go back to bed. Leave them sitting there til DH arrives.


LoniceraJaponica · 14/10/2018 11:51

Do the PIL know that your OH goes out every Sunday morning? If so, why do they just turn up? In future can you make sure you are out as well or just not answer the door.

For now I would just do what Bananasinpyjamas11 suggests and tell them you are unwell and are staying in bed.


BumbleBored · 14/10/2018 11:51

Do you have anxiety?

I do and would react the same.

In fact I wouldn't have answered the door.



Nightwatch999 · 14/10/2018 11:53

Oh ffs another IL bashing. I tell you what OP, get off MN and go try be nice to them for a change. Hmm

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