AIBU?
MIL and FIL have turned up uninvited
scrabblechampion · 14/10/2018 10:58
I don’t want them here. DH is out (sport he does every Sunday) there’s washing all over the place, the place is a tip, I’ve got a cold, there’s no food in (DH going to supermarket on the way home) and they’re sat on the sofa in the other room waiting for him.
I let them in so as to not cause a scene and now I’m crying in the bedroom.
I hate it when they do this. I’m in my 30s, I should be able to tell them to get out of my home.
Can’t get hold of DH, he leaves his phone in the car. Have left a message to come straight home and get rid of them.
They KNOW he’s out at this time. They pretended they forgot. I don’t know what they want.
Weezol · 14/10/2018 11:38
So, they turn up whenever they want with no warning and demand you ring their son to come home to see them?
That would drive me nuts. Issuing a summons like that - who the fuck does that?
Even worse, expecting you to do it for them. Are they the Queen and Prince Philip? I don't think so.
If you can get them out of the house, do it.
It's time for a serious talk with DP. He needs to put a stop to this.
One of the best skills I ever learned was how to ignore the doorbell/phone when ill. If anyone complains,"I was full of cold, flat out asleep in bed. You know what it's like, I'd have slept through a brass band at the end of the bed!"
I know MN is divided on unannounced callers, but rocking up on a Sunday morning and issuing demands is taking the piss.
annieanonimouse · 14/10/2018 11:38
((Hug))
If they’re still there, gather up ALL of your strength, go into the lounge and say ‘Please leave’ open the front door and wait for them to go, as they’re leaving, say ‘Please don’t ever drop by without calling first, I don’t not like people dropping in’.
If they ask why etc, just say, ‘It doesn’t suit me’ or if they go on about it being DH’s house/home too tell them it’s YOUR home as well and YOU don’t want anyone dropping in unannounced.
Keep repeating the same phrases ‘It doesn’t suit me’ & ‘It’s my home’
You can do this.
Notajourno · 14/10/2018 11:39
I get this OP.
My FIL is your typical ‘pillar of the community’ but behind closed doors is vile and over bearing.
I can barely tolerate being in his presence at the best of times but would find it very intrusive if he was in my house when I was ill, without prior invite and without DP there.
From OPs posts I get the impression they are difficult people. If she isn’t well she may not want to have to deal with the back lash from telling them to leave.
Perhaps go down and just say that you feel awful, can’t get hold of DP, don’t know when he will be back. Then say it was nice to see you, however brief, tell them you’ll get DP to call when he returns and grab their coats/ open the door for them.
Gigglebrain · 14/10/2018 11:42
MN can be so bloody nasty and spiteful at times. Where is your empathy. Op is clearly having a hard time. Just because your Pil are nice, or you can stand up to horrible people does not mean everyone can.
OP. Cough and sneeze a lot, say you are feeling terrible, and that you need to go back to bed. Have a good chat about it to dh later.
Do you have a spy hole in your front door for next time? Just don’t let them in?
Sending you hugs.
Bananasinpyjamas11 · 14/10/2018 11:43
My excuse when visitors pop around is to text them saying sorry can’t answer the door, in shower! Be free afternoon or whenever is convenient. Or phone them from out of shower. Then say can you just text first next time cos I’m often in the middle of stuff and don’t want you to have a wasted journey.
They live an hour away? That’s silly they didn’t text first.
I’d excuse myself now, and just say look I’m really sorry, but I’m feeling unwell. Please help yourself to tea I’ve got to lie down. DH will be back later.
JuliaJaynes9 · 14/10/2018 11:46
Go to the lounge and stand by the door making that 'and you're on your way out now' gesture with your arm
Say something like 'aaaanyway I've got lots to do and I feel really ill so you two need to get going now'
If they don't rise to their feet say 'come on now off you pop'
hellojim · 14/10/2018 11:48
What lexi727 says.
You need to feel comfortable in your own home and you are obviously far from comfortable with this situation. You need your DH on board to organise things with your ILs in future. Is there any pattern to when they turn up or is it random? If you know that they are likely to come on a Sunday it might help to be prepared - hide the car/go out/don't answer the door etc so that they have a wasted journey and then hopefully less likely to repeat.
OP, your PIL sound horrible, I hope your DH gets home soon. Stay in your room or lock yourself in the bathroom after explaining to them that you're unwell.LoniceraJaponica · 14/10/2018 11:51
Do the PIL know that your OH goes out every Sunday morning? If so, why do they just turn up? In future can you make sure you are out as well or just not answer the door.
For now I would just do what Bananasinpyjamas11 suggests and tell them you are unwell and are staying in bed.
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