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MIL and FIL have turned up uninvited

340 replies

scrabblechampion · 14/10/2018 10:58

I don’t want them here. DH is out (sport he does every Sunday) there’s washing all over the place, the place is a tip, I’ve got a cold, there’s no food in (DH going to supermarket on the way home) and they’re sat on the sofa in the other room waiting for him.

I let them in so as to not cause a scene and now I’m crying in the bedroom.

I hate it when they do this. I’m in my 30s, I should be able to tell them to get out of my home.

Can’t get hold of DH, he leaves his phone in the car. Have left a message to come straight home and get rid of them.

They KNOW he’s out at this time. They pretended they forgot. I don’t know what they want.

OP posts:

jannier · 14/10/2018 11:53

Families are all different, mine are just turn up your family weve seen you in every state over the years don't care about mess and want to see/support etc, if your ill or busy that's fine tell us and we will either muck in grab the kids, get some shopping or if you want to leave you to it no big deal we love you people my Oh wait for an invite don't get their own tea or offer to help but expect to be served and entertained there is no right or wrong. To be scared of someone is an issue does you OH know they scare you? Is it more than different families with some being more outspoken than others?
As its an hour to go I'd say I'm sorry I am feeling awful x is out until 1 please make yourself at home turn on tv I need to lie down x is bringing food I've messaged him but he leave his phone in the car please call him at 1.30 so he knows to pick up more for you to eat with him. Sorry I just have to lie down....or if I had kids they will love it you can play with them while I lie down what luck your here....


YouTheCat · 14/10/2018 11:55

How is it il bashing? They have turned up at OP's home, knowing that their ds will probably be out. They have previously been told not to turn up unannounced but have done so anyway.

The only people being unpleasant are the ils.


SillySallySingsSongs · 14/10/2018 11:55

It's so rude to just turn up at peoples houses with no warning.

Not to some it isn't. Some families/friends don't mind popping round. It doesn't make them rude just because you don't.


SnuggyBuggy · 14/10/2018 11:56

It's not in law bashing, I'm sure the OP would be just as upset if it was her DHs workmates who turned up uninvited.


BumbleBored · 14/10/2018 11:56

nightwatch you have no idea wjats gone on between them. OP says she's scared of their behaviour.

Since when do we have to put up with shitty behaviour to placate our husbands parents? It's not 1932 Angry

Turning up unannounced is bloody rude. OP is ill and her DP isn't in.

She has every right to be annoyed.


lexi727 · 14/10/2018 11:59

@Nightwatch999 it's not as if she's skating them. She just doesn't want them turning up unannounced when they know her DH is out. Hardly unreasonable.


lexi727 · 14/10/2018 11:59

Slating them rather than skating them Hmm


Bluelady · 14/10/2018 12:00

It doesn't have to be 1932 for people to drop in unannounced. It's 2018 where I live and people do it all the time without being considered rude.


cheesefield · 14/10/2018 12:01

I completely get you OP. I wouldn't have answered the door.


Sugarpiehoneyeye · 14/10/2018 12:01

Are you okay now, are they still there ?


Firesuit · 14/10/2018 12:04

I can settle the issue of whether people should call ahead before visiting: your choice is rude if the people you are visiting don't like it.

It's not OK to be a turner-upper just because you think it's the done thing, you also need to know that every single place you turn up at doesn't mind.


grannyscobwebs · 14/10/2018 12:05

You sound like awfully hard work?

Make a cuppa and sit and have a chat. Or carry on with a bit of housework and chat along as you do it. They won't expect to be waited on if they turned up unannounced.

Maybe making the first move to try and improve the relationship will help in the long run.


ContessasGulagSpaDay · 14/10/2018 12:07

I wish all the incredulous posters would stop assuming that everyone else's life and responses are identical to theirs.

OP, I hope you're ok. I'd hate it if DH's parents turned up unannounced, and we actually get on!


RomanyRoots · 14/10/2018 12:08

Gosh, I get you too OP and I'm an il.
I wouldn't dream of turning up unannounced and neither would my dc, it's common courtesy to call first, and of course practical, OP could have been out, too.
To drive an hour not knowing if anyone is at home, is batshit.
Some people don't want/need a lot of privacy and have family popping in all the time, just because some do, doesn't mean it's right and others who don't like this are wrong.
Knowing their ds would be out too, I don't see why they would just turn up.


Jaxhog · 14/10/2018 12:08

just tell them "I'm sick. I need to to back to bed. Husband isn't here but I will tell him to call you when he comes home". If they say they will stay while you sleep just say "I really wouldn't be able to rest with you down here. He will call when he gets home but it's time for you to head out now". Keep saying it. Don't worry about being rude; just do it.
Please do this!

If they refuse to leave, just leave them and go back to bed.

BTW, I hate people who just drop by unexpectedly. If I want to be sociable, I let them in. If not, I don't. This is the risk you take. I treat family no differently to friends.


Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 14/10/2018 12:08

But op has already pointed out that the IL know to call ahead first. To ignore that is rude.


Wtfdoipick · 14/10/2018 12:09

We don't know the in laws, we don't know if they expect to be waited on, we don't know that they don't make critical comments about the housework. For all we know they are constantly talking down to and belittling the op. Not all people are nice. Hugs op I hope you can get through this.


RoboticMary · 14/10/2018 12:09

This is ridiculous. They’re your husband’s parents, for goodness sake. How hard can it be to make a cup of tea and make polite small talk? I’d be furious if my husband treated my parents like this! You’re a grown woman, pull yourself together.


grannyscobwebs · 14/10/2018 12:10

I wish all the incredulous posters would stop assuming that everyone else's life and responses are identical to theirs.*

I guess if a poster comes on to MN and AIBU, they should expect to receive opinions. Most people's opinions will be based on their own experiences.

If the OP wants to tell them to sod off out of her house she can....doesn't affect my day! But opinions are given because opinions were asked for.


Godowneasy · 14/10/2018 12:12

Oh ffs another IL bashing. I tell you what OP, get off MN and go try be nice to them for a change.

This! I couldn't agree more.

Am I the only one who sometimes thinks that there's a secret club out there whose members make up posts to deliberately wind people up, and then score each other according to how riled they can get other mn users?


Bluelady · 14/10/2018 12:14

Good theory, Godown, I suspect you might be right.


grannyscobwebs · 14/10/2018 12:14

Agree- so fed of seeing MIL and IL bashing. It's like the old Les Dawson jokes live forever.
Maybe we should start a thread about why we are hateful for our MIL's! I for one, couldn't live without mine! Amazing woman!


onalongsabbatical · 14/10/2018 12:15

SHE'S NOT WELL! She wants to be in bed, not being nice to inlaws!


Yellowflowersgreengrass · 14/10/2018 12:15

I think mumsnet has reached a new low today. I have never felt so sorry for a poster, who sounds anxious and scared. I bet she is really regretting posting on here. Know what? Her in laws could be bloody scary people. Mine were, think jail time. This is a shitty thread and I have report some of the shitty people on it. Hope it gave you all some entertainment on your crap Sunday afternoon.


grannyscobwebs · 14/10/2018 12:15

Grateful!!!! Not hateful!!!

See what MN does?? I definitely typed grateful!!! Shock

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