Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


MIL and FIL have turned up uninvited

340 replies

scrabblechampion · 14/10/2018 10:58

I don’t want them here. DH is out (sport he does every Sunday) there’s washing all over the place, the place is a tip, I’ve got a cold, there’s no food in (DH going to supermarket on the way home) and they’re sat on the sofa in the other room waiting for him.

I let them in so as to not cause a scene and now I’m crying in the bedroom.

I hate it when they do this. I’m in my 30s, I should be able to tell them to get out of my home.

Can’t get hold of DH, he leaves his phone in the car. Have left a message to come straight home and get rid of them.

They KNOW he’s out at this time. They pretended they forgot. I don’t know what they want.

OP posts:

Antigon · 14/10/2018 19:28


Jux already explained that she had to answer the phone every time in case it meant a job for her H. This was probably before the days of mobile phones.


GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/10/2018 19:34

Yes so I read Antigon. I find it hard to comprehend why if you knew the phone would ring at 6.30 every single night and it would be your MIL why you'd pick it up.

Don't you think that's odd? 6.30 every night, 45 mins of twaddle? Confused

I know Jux said that she had to get the phone just in case it was work but her MIL had the same pattern every night. Big old clue. You just wouldn't pick up.


Antigon · 14/10/2018 19:39

If it was bang on at 6.30pm every night, then you have a point. I would not have answered.


Belindabauer · 14/10/2018 19:51

My mum, who I get along with, use to turn up at my house every week on the day when I was in a huge rush to take d's to his hobby.
I would get in from work and have precisely 20 mins to get myself a drink and snack and sort ds's drinks and cook his dinner, which he ate en route. My mum knew his but would insist on turning up and talking non stop about unimportant issues.
I felt like screaming as I needed a brief chill before setting out on the 35 minute drive and staying for 2.5 hours. I told my mum every week not to come on that day, it made no difference what so ever.


Smellyrose · 14/10/2018 19:51

But any potential business couldn’t have got through because the MIL was on the phone - you should have told her that.


LemonAndLimeJuice · 14/10/2018 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/10/2018 20:04

Probably right there Lemon.


MortyVicar · 14/10/2018 20:12

OP is probably a journalist, and lapping up all this feed for the drivel they will write.

Probably right there Lemon.

Wow! So because the OP (who sounds very lacking in confidence) decided to leave a thread where several posters were being downright nasty, this has to be fake. OK. If you say so.


Rainbunny · 14/10/2018 20:18

Christ there are some vicious twats on here today. Ignore the nasty comments OP.

In your situation I think your best course of action is simply to tell them you are feeling very unwell and need to go back to bed and you hope they don't catch your bug (hopefully they'll take that hint to leave) but if they are thick-skinned and not worried about catching your bug they can wait by themselves for your DH (and why the fuck can't they call him themselves instead of expecting you to summon him?) Please, please don't tell me they have their own key to your place?

It's 2018 FFS! I can't abide uninvited/unexpected visitors. It used to be acceptable to show up back in the day but we all have fucking phones now, there's no excuse and I consider not calling/texting to check first to be rude. I won't answer the door to anyone who suddenly shows up if I'm not in the mood.


GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/10/2018 20:18

No, because it's a new poster that appears with a thread about her Inlaws.


grannyscobwebs · 14/10/2018 20:27

Still haven't seen any evidence of posters being 'nasty'. Only disagreeing.
It seems to me that the only people swearing and name calling are the ones rushing to OP's defence.
Most that are disagreeing with the advice of telling them to go away, or not agreeing that the OP is being victimised- are pretty level headed. Probably the reason that they have people in their lives that actually want to knock on their front doors!


grannyscobwebs · 14/10/2018 20:29

@GreatDuckCookery- you are reading my thoughts, I'm sure of it.
Pop in for a cuppa any time 😉


smallfootpercy · 14/10/2018 20:29

But there's always that chance that it's not MIL. I'm assuming Jux's "up to 45 minutes" doesn't mean 45 minutes every night.

That's similar to what happened to me. I worked at home and had to pick up all calls. Our building had a strange telephone system where calls went through an exchange so caller ID did not work. An answerphone did but I didn't want to screen all my calls for the one MIL might make that day as it looked unprofessional and many people would put the phone down instantly if an answerphone kicked in.

I couldn't block her (because of strange exchange thingy) and couldn't change my number because many clients had it. If I told her I was busy and put the phone down she would sometimes ring back later, always with an excuse but really just because she was bored and looking back I was too polite, a pushover.

In the end the building had a makeover of the telephone system (not just me having trouble!) and I was able to block her.

That wasn't the end. Mobiles came in not long after and DH got one. He screened her number and rarely called back because he never does. MIL started emailing me to tell me to get DH to call him.

Oh, I wonder if that is why the OP's IL told her to ring him instead of doing it themselves?


GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/10/2018 20:30

Funny I was just nodding to your 20.27 post Granny Wink


YouTheCat · 14/10/2018 20:54

I think telling someone who is ill, struggling and feeling overwhelmed to 'woman up' is really shitty behaviour.

Do you not have any thought that your words might adversely affect someone who's already feeling crap?


grannyscobwebs · 14/10/2018 20:59

I would also think that helping someone believe that they are the victim in every circumstance, doesn't help them either.

A PP said it earlier...that word is so easy to use. It's damaging in itself to encourage someone to not be able to shake them self out of a rut that they have found themselves stuck in. There has been no links to helpful services, self help tools or Family support or MH services from any poster that proclaims that the OP is a victim of bullying or intimidation.
Seems like you all just love an underdog, as long as she stays there.


smallfootpercy · 14/10/2018 21:04

Perhaps posters have contacted the OP with help by direct message as she was hounded off the thread.


YouTheCat · 14/10/2018 21:04

Wtf! Why would anyone want someone to remain the underdog?

She didn't say anything about having mental health problems. She did say that she is ill. If she has the same virus that I've had recently, she just wants to sleep and try and get over it. I fail to see why she'd need links to mental health services. Maybe if some posters hadn't piled in and told her to get over herself she would have come back and we'd have a clearer picture?


grannyscobwebs · 14/10/2018 21:08

Point being that so many of you have talked about how the OP is suffering at the hands of intimidating bullies, lacks in confidence etc etc...therefore I would have expected some constructive advice or links to support if you are so concerned about her situation.


legofriendly · 14/10/2018 21:16

Perhaps posters have contacted the OP with help by direct message as she was hounded off the thread.

I did.


YouTheCat · 14/10/2018 21:20

She doesn't sound in need of professional support. She does sound in need of a bit of understanding and less crap ils.


TulipsInBloom1 · 14/10/2018 21:23

If ill in bed why even answer the door?


grannyscobwebs · 14/10/2018 21:24

If you believe that her in laws are so awful, violent, have caused scenes and she is genuinely scared- add to this the fact that her husband has obviously let it would seem to me that she does need professional support. If you believe that....


Beesandfrogsandfleas · 14/10/2018 21:28

I can't see who's at my door till I open it. It's glazed and doesnt have a spy hole thing. None of the windows are at the right angle to see either, unless I opened an upper one and leaned right out, which ,Igbo give the game away. I don't like not to answer in case it's amazon bringing me some lively stuff. Wonder how much those camera things cost?


papaoomama · 14/10/2018 21:29

Why does there have to be mental health issues?? Have you lot never felt ill where you can't be arsed to entertain someone?

Saying to make small talk about the weather and put the kettle on is fine if you feel up to it isn't it?

Perfectly normal to cry/get upset in frustration at being in a situation you can't be arsed with when you feel ill. I wouldn't go running to the Drs with MH / depression issues just yet OP, you sound perfectly normal to me! Get well soon

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?