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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refused to collect DD from party tonight.

430 replies

BlueSkyBurningBright · 12/10/2018 19:32

DD is just 17, we live in London. She is going to a party tonight with school friends, about 1 mile away.

She has asked me to pick her up at 11.30. I said no, I am tired after a week at work, want to have some wine and a relaxing evening. I have offered to pay for an Uber for her. She says she feels unsafe in one and would rather walk. I have suggested that her boyfriend gets the Uber with her, drops her off at home and takes the Uber to his house, all on the family account.

She thinks I am being very unfair and uncaring. Apparently all her friends parents pick them up from parties, so she will ask one of them to bring her home. I feel that I am being manipulated, and previously 11.30 has been extended to midnight and beyond.

AIBU?

OP posts:
costacoffeecup · 12/10/2018 19:34

No of course not if you've offered to pay for a taxi for her and her boyfriend. I would have much preferred that than having my parents turn up to get me at that age!

Sirzy · 12/10/2018 19:34

If all her friends parents are picking them up then I am sure one will happily drop her off if she offers to pay them!

At 17 she is more than capable of making her own plans. Your not able to so she needs an alternative

TrudeauGirl · 12/10/2018 19:35

Yanbu. You offered her two ways to get home. One to pay for an uber and then suggest her boyfriend rides with her if she feels unsafe on her own.

greendale17 · 12/10/2018 19:36

Is she stupid? She would rather walk than take a taxi.

ElfridaEtAl · 12/10/2018 19:36

She feels unsafe in an Uber, which if I'm right you could track, but wouldn't feel unsafe walking home Hmm

comedycentral · 12/10/2018 19:38

She's trying to guilt trip you and worry you into making her walk. Don't give in, you have offered options. I doubt she will walk in this weather

Original poster
BlueSkyBurningBright · 12/10/2018 19:38

She has no intention of walking, just trying to guilt trip me.

OP posts:
itswinetime · 12/10/2018 19:39

I would have a thought a paid for Uber would have been much better for street cred than mum picking you up! It's definitely what I would have picked at 17!

QuestionableMouse · 12/10/2018 19:39

Well to be fair you can manage risks better walking than getting in a car with a stranger. There has been a fair bit of bad press about dodgy Uber drivers.

Livedandlearned2 · 12/10/2018 19:40

Glad to see this is a common issue, our teens say similar.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 12/10/2018 19:41

How about getting the bus?

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 12/10/2018 19:41

She's taking the piss.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 12/10/2018 19:52

Just tell her it’s a choice of Uber or walk or a friends parent can drop them home, her call.

Original poster
BlueSkyBurningBright · 12/10/2018 19:53

In theory she could get the bus. It is a 10 min journey from the party to the end of our road. Though I would rather she was in a taxi than on the night bus.

I am sticking to my guns and told her to get a cab.

Knowing her she will probably get a lift. Which makes me feel guilty at being the parents who would rather have a glass of wine and go to bed early than wait up to go and pick DD up.

OP posts:
GimbleInTheWabe · 12/10/2018 19:53

I agree with PPs I'd have much preferred my mum letting me get a taxi home then her picking me up! She was the one saying taxis aren't safe and picking me up, though this was in a rural area.

Let her figure it out for herself.

Is she usually obtuse?

Butterymuffin · 12/10/2018 19:56

She's 17. She's not far off being able to be shot at in Afghanistan etc for her country. She could be living away at university in a year. She can certainly find a way of getting home without needing a parent to collect her. Don't feel bad.

Racecardriver · 12/10/2018 20:03

When I was growing up women were regularly sexually assaulted in the backs of cabs and were advised against taking them alone. This still happens, if I remember correctly it happened in an under quite recently. Her uber driver could he absolutely anyone. It's is extremely irresponsible of you to suggest she gets one alone. It's a good thing she has more sense than you.

rememberatime · 12/10/2018 20:04

Problem is that now you won't be able to relax and will feel guilty anyway...

BewareOfDragons · 12/10/2018 20:08

She sounds like an entitled princess.

She's going to be old enough to live on her own within a year Tell her to get a grip and book a taxi/uber or make her own arrangements. You're not her chauffeur.

Butterymuffin · 12/10/2018 20:08

It's is extremely irresponsible of you to suggest she gets one alone

OP also suggested the boyfriend could accompany her then go on home at the family's expense. It's the DD being daft about solutions here.

ThistleAmore · 12/10/2018 20:08

Do you not still have proper taxis in London?

Bowerbird5 · 12/10/2018 20:09

Be glad you have a daughter to collect. I live rurally and had to drive minimum of six miles for mine. All four of them.
Why would you let her travel in a cab that she feels uncomfortable in. Can you a least ask for a woman driver? In our city we have pink cabs which are very popular with woman. Please make sure there is someone willing to take her if you can’t be bothered.

Butterymuffin · 12/10/2018 20:09

Is Uber the only type of cab available in London then?

BewareOfDragons · 12/10/2018 20:10

Tell her to take a picture of the reg plates/person driving when they show up to collect her and make a show of sending it to you via phone before she gets in the car. Any reputable driver won't mind.

She'll be fine.